School year 2011-2012 begins

I worked when I got pregnant with Madison, but we had discussed our options and our feelings before having children and the plan was always for me to stay home. I can remember after she was born the sick feeling I would get in my stomach at the thought of leaving her to go back to work. I was very fortunate that I didn't have to and that we were able to make things work. I love being with my children. I have the best job in the world and I thank my husband all the time for his making it possible for me to raise my children without distractions.

When Madison went off to school for the first time I was a nervous wreck, but she just climbed out of the car, bid me good-bye and headed into the playground to start her school life. I sat in the car and cried.  When Darcy set off on her first day she too hopped right out and I cried. Nothing much has changed for me in that respect. I hate the first day of school. I hate the quiet of the house, and I miss them like crazy. I'm not saying that I don't eventually get into the groove and begin to welcome my quiet, but I'm also the mother that enjoys school holidays and the occasional sick day so that I have my kids back where they belong.

School started today and it was more bittersweet for me this year. Madison starts high school, four more years before she heads out on her own for good, and I know that those years will fly by. Darcy heads to school without her sister this year to keep her on the straight and narrow track. I had a dream the night before that I was back in school wandering the halls, and when I sat down in class to receive my test paper from the day before my mother was sitting behind me. I got an F- on the paper, but instead of yelling at me like she would have done back in the day, she patted me and wondered aloud what had happened since she knew I had studied. I'm not a dream reader, but I think that this dream is telling me to start legislating for parents to attend the first day of school with their children so that they can be there for moral guidance and support before sending them out into the world on their own.

My friend and I car pooled this morning with Madison and Heather.  We watched them get out of the car in the dark and head toward the door together.  As we pulled away I noticed they had stopped and Madison was digging through her backpack.  My friend wondered if we should go back.  We decided we had to let them be.  By the time she dropped me off Madison had sent me the following text, "Forgot my schedule, help."  That dream is definitely telling me something. 

I texted back her schedule, wished her luck, and sent love. Darcy's drop off was the same, but weird for me without Madison.  Darcy is going to enjoy being in school without her sister looking over her shoulder.  I dropped her off in the drop off lane and then parked to pay for lunches, the football team, and a snack card. 

I drove away from school with my empty car, kid-free, a bit sad and very tired. I'm proud of both my kids, and I know they will do fine, but that doesn't mean I won't miss them. Only 11 more days until Labor Day!