A little Saturday funny

I have written before about my vacuum cleaner issues and to paraphrase I flat out hate my current one and need another one.  Last week Target had two cleaners on sale, one of which was one that I had researched and had on my list as a good one to get.  For some reason I just don't go out and buy appliances over $100 without discussing it first with the husband.  I spent some considerable time wondering why I do that and decided I would just go out and get the damn vacuum cleaner and see how long it took before he noticed.  But things happened that day and I didn't get to Target.  On Saturday Tom and I went to breakfast together while the girls were still sleeping.  There I brought up the vacuum cleaner issue and he agreed that we needed a new one which led into our carpeting situation which I've written about in various posts.

We have the same carpeting in our bedrooms and hallways that we put in nineteen years ago when we got married and renovated the house.  It has been through several potty training children, spitting up babies, and a house training puppy, not to mention the various animals that have visited or lived in our house.  The carpet is gross.  There are so many stains in the rooms that I only invite people over in the evening so that they really can't see the carpet in the hallway as they make their way to the bathroom.  We talk about replacing it and Tom always suggests doing it at the worst times, like when I'm out of town.  Finally.  Finally we were actually talking about replacing it now, a good time if there ever was one.

He and I went to Home Depot and looked at carpeting.  I replaced the carpeting in the Steelers room when I redid that one and I used our neighbors who have a flooring business.  I suggested we go with that carpet in a different color and use them.  Long story short we did that, ordered it, and are now waiting for it to come in.  That done I brought up the vacuum cleaner replacement.  It was now between two vacuums for me and I had decided to go with the new Bissell Total Care vacuum on sale at Target.  It was a cleaner for both carpeting and hard wood floors, but this one had the capability to shut off the brush where the other one did not.  This one also had a feature that you could clean the baseboards by turning all the suction to the side so that it picked up only the dirt along the walls.  I was sold.

I bought the vacuum cleaner that night before the sale ended.  I brought it home and Tom and I put the thing together while the girls were off at various activities.  When it was finished I set it up in the living room like a piece of furniture to admire the cleanliness of it.  I told Tom right then and there that after each vacuum job the canister was to be taken out and cleaned with soap and water.  While I prefer the canister to the bags I hated the dirtiness of it all.  No way was I going to allow what happened with my last vacuum cleaner to happen with the new one. 

Later that night Darcy came home first and saw the vacuum cleaner in the corner.

Darcy:  "Hey, you put the vacuum cleaner together."
Me:  "Yes we did.  Now listen."  I put my finger up in the air.

Immediately she stuck her fingers in her ears and started la, la, lahing.  I ignored that and kept on talking, knowing she could hear me.

Me:  "See how clean and beautiful that vacuum cleaner is?  See how pristine the canister is right now?  It is going to stay that way.  After each time that vacuum cleaner is used it is going to be cleaned.  The canister is to be taken out and washed and dried properly.  None of this filthy canister, no not dumping out of the dust we just vacuumed up.  This machine will look like this all the time."  I was waving my finger from her face to the vacuum as a I spoke.  I looked her dead in the eye, still ignoring her singing and fingers in the ears.  "You and your sister..."  I looked her hard in the eye.  "You and your sister...are not to touch this vacuum cleaner."

Darcy took her fingers out of her ears and her mouth dropped open speechless.  I had meant to give her a lecture on how she and Madison were to clean the vacuum and all of that, but as I said what I said above I realized that they would never do that, that they would never understand, that I never understood that crap at that age, and so I revised my thoughts and decided that I would always vacuum the carpets, especially the new ones, from now on.  It was not what she expected naturally.

Darcy:  "I have to admit that I never thought I would ever hear those words come out of your mouth.  Ever!"  She looked at me.  "Say them again, would you.  Just to make sure I heard that right."

Me:  "You heard me the first time.  And if you didn't catch it, then maybe next time you'll not put your fingers in your ears when I'm talking to you."

Parents need the last word.