And she is off...

Today we take Madison to college. That statement seems so unreal to type. I just brought her home from the hospital swaddled in the hospital blanket. Yet. I didn't. Somewhere between that day and Thursday eighteen years flew by and my baby is now an adult. She is heading out into the world to forge her way far, far away from her mother family. She will be twelve hours away by car and three hours away by plane. She will sleep in another room in another building, and her bedroom here at home will be empty as I walk through it to say good-night to Darcy.

I have been preparing for this day since my nephew went off to college and I watched my SIL fall apart. It use to drive Madison crazy. "Mom, I'm not leaving for four more years. Stop crying. Stop saying those things!" But I knew that day would be here quickly and it is. For the past two weeks we have been caught up in a whirlwind frenzy of purchases for dorm and college life and it has been easy to ignore the meaning. I kept thinking of how I would clean her bedroom from top to bottom and it would be so spotless. I had this sense of calm. I had prepared my daughter for this time in her life and she would spread her wings and fly.

Then the weekend came and suddenly she and I both stared the inevitable in the face. We had five days together. Four days. Three days. She started sleeping more and stayed curled in her bed until late in the afternoon. Instructions to pack fell on deaf ears. I still had a list of items that weren't checked off, but I felt I needed to do other things like blog or clean. The pile of college purchases sat forlornly in the other room gathering dust, but they made me cry when I passed by them to get to my computer.

On Sunday before I went to bed I knew I would have to be the first to give. I climbed into bed with her and we talked. We talked about her first day home from the hospital. Her first day of school. She talked about firsts she remembered from her childhood. We talked about her fears of college and what she was looking forward to in college. We talked about my fears and my excitement. And then we made plans to finish our shopping the next day.

And we did. It didn't start off well, but with some food and later some Starbucks we completed the clothes portion of the list. The next day we marked off the toiletries. Tuesday I told her to start packing. Nothing. Wednesday came and we went out to lunch and we had haircuts and la, de da. "Madison! You have to start packing up this stuff!"

It started slowly. Darcy and I sat in her room while she went through closets and drawers. We argued some, but I backed off. Let her take what she wants. I worry about the cold, but she is oblivious to that. She will learn. Packing picked up momentum after an hour and suddenly there was more laundry and searches for things. As the mound grew I started panicking that we wouldn't fit it all in the van. I called my friend and she was there instantly with her kids. She called her husband, an architect with a mind that can pack a large amount of stuff into a small space, and he came over and did just that. We went to dinner.

When we got home Madison started another pile of things. I was doing my own packing and getting ready. I could hear Tom talking to Madison giving her his talk which sounded more poop than pep. "You'll be homesick..." Not long after she was crying in her bed her arms wrapped around her two stuffed animals. The ones that have been in her arms since she was one. She is opting to leave them behind so that they don't get hurt. I quietly asked if she needed me and then left her when she said not now. She recovered and became a Tasmanian devil whirling through the house collecting items to add to the new pile. She came in to my room with pillows and tried them all out to decide which ones to take. Later she closed her door and cried some more as she touched the objects she was leaving behind.

She is excited. She is scared. We lay in bed last night and talked some more. We laughed. She reminded me we can Facetime and see each other every day. I thought to myself how that probably wouldn't last long, but I agreed aloud that we could. We hugged and kissed and hugged and kissed some more. I slept well.

 We head out at eleven for the long drive. She is having breakfast this morning with a friend before we leave. Right now she is asleep snuggled in her bed wrapped in her covers. I took her picture. I stare at her as I wander my house. I'm so excited for her. A new adventure. A new beginning. I keep telling myself that.