We needed what? Out of the mouths of someone else's babe.

My cousin's wife (Jaimee) (does that make her a cousin too?)  texted me last night with a story "for your blog". I liked that and thought that now that my own kids are gone growing and not providing me with stories to regale my readers perhaps I should have a day each week where I write about other people's kids and their funny stories. This week we will begin with Wyatt.

Wyatt was the youngest of my cousin's (Shad) children until his mighty sperm edged its way through tied Fallopian tubes to fertilize an egg and nine months later SURPRISE! Thought you were done with the ten children you already had? Guess again. Number eleven. Okay, that's an exaggeration. They had 3 and now they have 4, but after that many who's counting? Bottom line is Wyatt was the baby and now he isn't. He is nine.

For his ninth birthday the family decided to take their family of eleven six on a road trip that included several hours of driving. I never said my cousin was bright. I imagined they loaded up coolers with snacks and drinks and packed multiple bags of fresh clothing and towels. For as many children as they do have the parents are quite put together when it comes to all of that stuff. Me? I was lucky to get out of the door with my car keys and both of my children. So they all climbed into their van and headed off to some place called Kings Island.

I had to look it up. It is the Largest Amusement and Waterpark in the Midwest! It has 16 thrill rides with names like "Delirium", "Slingshot", and "Flight of Fear"; all nice rides for a nine year old. It has family rides with very un-friendly family names like "Monster" and "Viking Fury". There is a children's area called Planet Snoopy that offers more tame rides, and then there is the Soak City Waterpark with all sorts of pools, activities, rides, and death traps.  Just the sort of place you take your barely-out-of-the-womb newborn. Kings Island is twenty-four miles northeast of Cincinnati, Ohio in a city called Mason which is also the home of one of the largest tennis stadiums. Who knew?

My cousin and his brood live in Indiana and so to travel from there to Kings Island is roughly a three hour drive. I'm not exactly sure what occurred during this three hour drive through the Midwest countryside, but I envisioned sing-a-longs, travel games, and intellectual conversations. As they approached the exit to reach their final destination, the birthday boy piped up from the back seat in a very forlorn, yet matter of fact voice:

Wyatt: "Dad? When we get there I can't go in."
Parents: "What? Why not?"
Wyatt: "I don't have any shoes on my feet and I didn't bring any to wear."

Bottom line. No shoes. The kid walked outside from his house into the van to travel three hours to an amusement park with no shoes on his feet. None. Jaimee texted me this story and in her text she says, "Now WTF? He is 9!" Well, yes, but in his defense he was going to a waterpark. Who wears shoes in the pool?

Text: "But it gets better"

Really? How much better of a story can it get then the birthday boy forgetting his shoes on the way to Kings Island? Well, it does. My cousin's engine, upon hearing this news after driving a million miles, revs right up. No warm-up. Directly to, as the text stated, "steam coming out of Shad's ears". He is about to blow when another voice pipes up from the back seat from his brother Carson. Wyatt and Carson are the best of friends and always together in solidarity. Especially this time.

Carson's tone is not forlorn, but relieved.

Carson: "I can stay in the car with him because I didn't bring any shoes either."

Do I really need to write anything about what must have transpired in that car at that moment? Any parent. Any parent traveling with children. Any parent traveling with older children and a newborn baby know what had to have happened in that car after that statement. Just sit back and imagine the scene. The angry, out of your head, my-god-did-these-kids-come-from-my-dna kind of scene. Been there done that.

Text: "Shad lost all parental control."

Carson is going to be twelve years old. Together these two did not think anything about going barefoot to an amusement slash waterpark. Who needs shoes? Although it obviously occurred to both boys near the end of the drive seeing as how they spoke up with the bad news. How long they sat in the back wondering how to share that news is anybody's guess. My husband and I found the story hilarious because we have all been there in some way or another. I vaguely remember Madison forgetting shoes at one time, although I don't remember the circumstances any more.

The family stopped off at Target and rectified the situation. Not only did Wyatt get a trip to Kings Island, but he got some new shoes for his birthday too. I texted Jaimee that the story was certainly worthy of a blog entry. I did not question their parenting skills in not noticing that two out of their eleven four children were not wearing shoes as they all trooped outside to their van. After all they are sleep deprived.

I did, however, question the position of said newborn's head in his stroller at Kings Island in the middle of Midwestern August heat.

But that will have to be another entry.