Every two weeks I change my sheets and every month I wash my comforter. Cleaning the comforter requires a visit to the laundry mat down the street from my house because it is too large for my washer. My friend, who bought a nice, big, new washing machine, once washed my comforter for me, but then my husband broke out in this massive rash on his back, and while he thought it was something he picked up from his conference in a hotel room I wondered if it was the change in detergent. Not wanting to risk the chance I've gone back to my laundry mat.
Last month I gathered up my comforter, loaded detergent into an empty water bottle, collected change out of everyone's piggy banks, and headed down the street. The laundry mat is in a strip mall that is next to my grocery store. The strip mall includes a bar and a nail salon and the building is next to a public transportation bus stop. Some of the riders do like to come into the laundry mat and use the restroom despite the sign that says it is for customers only.
The place is monitored from early morning until around noon, but after that people are on their own with only a phone number on a sign for help. I drove up at the same time that another car pulled into the parking areas. The man turned off his ignition and hopped right out. I parked, got out my stuff, and followed him into the laundry mat. I thought it odd that he didn't have any laundry, but thought perhaps he had left it in a washer and was now returning.
I went inside. An elderly man and woman were in there doing laundry and that was it. I walked around the corner to my washer and started loading it. The man who I had followed inside turned to the right to where the coin machine and soda machines are housed. He wasn't there for more than a few seconds and suddenly he was shouting.
Man: "DID ANYONE LOSE A PHONE? HELLO? DID ANYONE LOSE A PHONE? I JUST FOUND A PHONE!"
The elderly couple looked at me and I looked at them and then we both stared at the shouting man. We did not respond as we did not lose a phone. This did not satisfy the gentleman and so she walked over to the elderly man.
Man: "IS THIS YOUR PHONE? DID YOU LOSE A PHONE? I FOUND IT RIGHT OVER THERE JUST SITTING ON TOP OF THE COIN MACHINE."
Elderly Man: "No, I don't think so." He patted his pockets. "Wait. What does it look like? Let me look at it."
Immediately the man put the phone behind his back and stepped back from the elderly man.
Man: "DESCRIBE IT TO ME. DESCRIBE YOUR PHONE!"
Elderly Man (turning to his wife): "Honey, do you have our phone?"
Woman: "What for?"
Elderly Man: "Do you have our phone?"
Woman: "Why?"
Man: "DO YOU HAVE YOUR PHONE? DID YOU LOSE A PHONE BECAUSE I JUST FOUND ONE!"
Woman: "I left ours in the car."
The elderly man shrugged at the other man and turned back to do his laundry. This did not satisfy the finder and he yelled again into the laundry mat although he could see that we were the only people there.
Man: "DID ANYONE LOSE A PHONE?"
I ignored him and put in my detergent and started sliding coins into the slot on the machine. The man turned back to the elderly man and proceeded to wonder aloud, loudly, who could have lost the phone. He kept telling all of us that he was unsure of what to do, but then in the next breath, he would tell us what he would do.
Man: "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO. I COULD CALL NUMBERS I GUESS. I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE IT HERE BECAUSE A LOT OF HOMELESS PEOPLE COME IN AND OUT OF HERE. I'LL TAKE IT WITH ME. I'LL CALL THE OWNERS HERE AND TELL THEM I HAVE THE PHONE. I'LL LEAVE MY NUMBER AND THAT WAY IF THE OWNER OF THE PHONE COMES BACK HERE YOU CAN TELL HIM THAT I HAVE HIS PHONE AND HE CAN CALL THE OWNER. I'LL LEAVE MY NUMBER WITH THE OWNER AND THE OWNER CAN CALL ME."
The elderly man just looked at him as he ran through his thought processes. He kept repeating it over and over again with the emphasis on the homeless people that were sure to come inside this laundry mat to steal the phone if he left it where he had found it.
He really wanted to play up the good Samaritan angle, and while I agreed with his way of handling it, he was starting to get on my nerves with all his shouting as if we were deaf. First of all, we were the only ones in the place. Secondly, there is no air conditioning in the place so the air is quite still. Lastly, the only sound in there besides the machines, and we were only using three, was the television hanging on the wall quite far from where this character was shouting.
I turned on my machine and went over to the bank of chairs below the television hoping that sound would drown him out. He left the laundry mat. He wasn't gone more than two minutes and he was back again.
Man: "DID ANYONE LOSE A PHONE?"
Elderly man: "No one has come in since you left."
Man: "I THINK I'LL CALL THE OWNER AND LEAVE MY NAME AND PHONE NUMBER. I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE THE PHONE HERE. TOO MANY HOMELESS PEOPLE COME IN AND OUT OF HERE. THAT BUS DROPS OFF ALL SORTS OF CHARACTERS. THAT WAY IF THE PHONE OWNER COMES HE CAN CALL THE NUMBER."
The elderly man nodded and turned his back on the man. He joined his wife at the wall of dryers and they began putting in coins. The finder of the phone went back outside. He stood outside the door staring at the phone. He flipped it open and flipped it closed. He looked up and down the sidewalk. He came back inside.
Man: "DID ANYONE LOSE A PHONE?"
This time the elderly guy ignored him. I ignored him. He went back outside, but turned back again and came inside. He went over to the elderly man.
Man: "I'M GOING TO CALL THE OWNER. IF SOMEONE COMES IN LOOKING FOR THE PHONE TELL THEM TO CALL THE NUMBER OF THIS PLACE. I'LL LEAVE MY ..."
He stopped talking as two people came walking past the laundry mat. He quickly took off outside the laundry mat shouting at the two people, asking them if they had lost a phone. He returned defeated.
He again explained his plan. He would call the laundry mat owners, leave his number, and if the owner of the phone returned we were to instruct them to call the laundry mat number on the sign. The elderly man agreed he would be happy to do this. The man went outside. I thought we were done with him, but as soon as someone entered the laundry mat he was back again.
Man: "DID YOU LOSE A PHONE?"
Lady: "No,"
Man: "WELL SOMEONE LOST A PHONE. I FOUND IT. RIGHT THERE ON TOP OF THE COIN MACHINE. I WANT TO GET IT BACK TO HIM BUT I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE IT HERE. A LOT OF HOMELESS PEOPLE COME INTO THIS PLACE."
Lady: "Okay."
She marched past him and went on about her business. Deflated, the man left again. He was gone this time for about ten minutes. Enough time for another couple to enter the laundry mat. Immediately he was on them.
Man: 'DID YOU LOSE A PHONE?"
Couple: "No."
Man: "WELL I FOUND ONE. SOMEONE LOST A PHONE. I FOUND IT."
Couple: "Maybe the person will call it."
Man: "IT'S NOT ONE OF THOSE NEW PHONES. THANK GOD IT DOESN'T HAVE A CODE OR ANYTHING. I'M GOING TO CALL THE LAUNDRY MAT OWNERS AND LEAVE MY NUMBER WITH THEM THAT WAY IF THE PHONE OWNER COMES IN THEY CAN CALL THAT NUMBER. I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE IT HERE BECAUSE HOMELESS PEOPLE COME IN HERE ALL THE TIME."
Couple: "You can leave the phone with us if you want. We're going to be here a while."
The guy about had a heart attack at that comment. He quickly put the phone behind his back and stepped back away from them.
Man: "NO. NO, I FOUND IT. I'LL JUST CALL THE LAUNDRY MAT OWNERS."
Couple: "Or you could just leave your number on a piece of paper and the owner can call it if he returns?"
Man: 'I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE MY NUMBER. A LOT OF HOMELESS PEOPLE COME IN AND OUT OF HERE. THAT BUS DROPS OFF ALL SORT OF PEOPLE. I'LL CALL THE OWNERS."
They rolled their eyes and went about loading the machines in front of me. The guy left. The elderly man sat down next to me. He smiled.
Elderly Man: "That guy sure has a lot of plans."
Me: "Well, I wish he would just call the laundry mat and leave his number. He's getting on my nerves with the whole homeless people comments. Like homeless people are thieves."
He laughed. The couple loading the machines scoffed. We all went about our business.
Another ten minutes went by and the man returned again. He opened the door and asked if anyone had lost a phone again. Everyone ignored him. The elderly couple was folding their laundry so he went over to them and explained that he had called the owner and left his number. He went through his well thought out scenario and asked the couple if they would pass on the information. They remarked that they would although clearly, they were on their way out.
Man: "I JUST CAME HERE TO BUY A PAPER. I WASN'T EXPECTING TO FIND A PHONE. BUT I DID. OVER THERE ON THE COIN MACHINE. OK. WELL, I GUESS I'LL LEAVE NOW. LET THE GUY KNOW TO CALL THE LAUNDRY MAT NUMBER."
He left again. The elderly couple left. The machines hummed. Suddenly a beautiful African American woman was behind me.
Woman: "Excuse me?"
Me: "Yes?"
Woman: "Do you know if anyone found a phone?"
I looked around me for an instant search for a hidden camera. Surely this was an episode of some television show.
I jumped up and looked outside explaining that some guy had found the phone and was probably still around. We went outside with me explaining his plan. He wasn't there. She asked me what kind of car he drove. I told her I had pulled up alongside him but had no idea. I described it as best as I could. I told her to call the laundry mat number, and then, realizing she couldn't do that, I did it for her. No one answered. I left a message. I hung up.
The woman and I stood outside. She explained that she and her daughter had ridden the bus here to do the laundry. She had gotten back on the bus and was halfway home when she realized she didn't have her phone. She had to get off, wait for another bus, get on it and ride back here. She sent her daughter on with the laundry. My phone rang.
Me: "Hello?"
Owner: "Yes? You call?"
Me: "Yes, the owner of the phone has returned to the laundry mat and she needs the number of the guy who found it. I believe he called you."
Owner: "Yes, yes. I call him after I hear from you. He no answer."
Me: "Okay, then well can I have his number? I can give it to
She gave me the number which I had to remember since I had no pen. I called it. No one answered. Really? Seriously? After all of that, the jackass couldn't even answer his phone? I shook my head and relayed the information to the owner of the phone.
Woman: "I think he just drove around in the car you described. He was staring at me. He stopped and then he just went on."
Me: "Yep, that was probably him. He was probably trying to decide if you were homeless or not."
Woman: "What?"
Me: "He wouldn't leave the phone because he was concerned a homeless person would take it. He seriously has a strong opinion about homeless people. He's an odd guy."
Woman: "Maybe I should just call my number."
At that point my phone rang.
Me: "Hello?"
Man: "YES. YOU JUST CALLED ME. I DON'T KNOW WHO THIS IS. YOU CALLED ME."
Me: "Yes, I called you. I have the owner of the phone that you found in the laundry mat."
Man: "WHAT? I GAVE THIS NUMBER TO THE OWNERS."
Me: "Yes, I'm aware. They tried to call you. You didn't answer. They gave me your number and I called it. You didn't answer."
At this point, I was really having to control myself. I wanted to shout all sorts of obscenities LOUDLY and demand he bring back the ^%$ phone right now. But I was calm and collected.
Me: "The owner of the phone is here and would like it returned."
Man: "WELL I WAS JUST HEADING OVER TO MEET WITH HER HUSBAND TO GIVE HIM THE PHONE."
Me: "Well, now you won't have to do that. She is here. Standing outside the laundry mat."
Man: "I WAS JUST HEADING TO MEET WITH THIS GUY TO GIVE HIM THE PHONE. HOLD ON. WHERE ARE YOU?"
I repeated where we were as a car rounded the corner. The man was in it, the phone up to his ear. He was asking me to describe the woman. I hung up.
Me: "That's him. He apparently called your husband."
Woman: "My boyfriend? Oh, god."
Me: "They were going to meet up. He's certainly the good Samaritan."
The man got out of the car and walked over to us.
Man: "DID YOU LOSE A PHONE?"
Me: "SHE DID AND SHE IS GLAD YOU FOUND IT BECAUSE SHE IS HOMELESS AND NEEDS IT TO FIND SHELTER. IF YOU HADN'T OF FOUND IT SHE WOULD HAVE STOLEN SOMEONE ELSE'S. THANKS SO MUCH."
Okay, I didn't say that. Instead, I wished the woman luck, turned around and went back into the laundry mat where I found a pen, wrote the guy's number on the wall and added, "Call if you are homeless. I can help."
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