Ask Ruth Wellington

To Ruth Wellington,

I have a friend who is always whining about her job.  She hates it and the people she works with. She has no interest in getting to know anyone and hardly ever talks to anyone in her office.  Yesterday they had a "food day" at her job. She spent the night before slaving over a hot stove to make a half burger/half sausage homemade lasagna with lots of oozing delicious cheese. She worked so hard on it she didn't get any sleep. 

My question is this: Why in the world would she do all of this for people she doesn't even like?

Just curious

Dear Just Curious:

Perhaps your friend is merely a perfectionist in every task she attempts. It doesn't matter to her what other people think. But it does matter to her what kind of job she does.

Perhaps your friend is bored and finds the opportunity to work on a project like a lasagna enjoyable and fulfilling.

Perhaps your friend just enjoys whining. Going to the trouble of making an elaborate food dish for co-workers and the possibility that the co-workers do NOT compliment her on how well she did may give her more things to whine about.

Perhaps your friend is psychologically disturbed. You should distance yourself from someone like that. She could be crazy. 

*****

Dear MSSSSSSSSSSSSS Wellington,

 I have to attend a wedding in two weeks and I just don't know what to get the bride!  Her registry suggests a teasing comb, hot rollers, high lighting kit, or a waxing kit?  What should I get her? Forever having to make choices. Beauty or Common sense.  Help me,

 Girl with a credit card.

Dear GWCC:

What a strange bridal registry! All the gifts you mention seem to be for the bride's use only. What? No salad bowls, gravy boats or toaster ovens?  Could it be that these kind of beauty products are used by men nowadays? In my day, if a man wanted to lighten his hair, he bought a boat, learned to sail and let the sun bleach his locks. Men did not tease their hair, just their younger sisters. A hot roller was the gorgeous man winning big at the craps table.  And waxing was what he did to his roadster.

You do say that you are buying for the bride, but a wedding gift should be for both the bride and groom.  Of the choices you have given me, you will not have to choose between beauty and common sense. The bride has evidently thrown common sense out the window.  She apparently isn't bashful about her "problem areas". Is she especially hairy? Then go for the waxing kit. Does her hair seem limp and lifeless?  Then the teasing comb or the hot rollers would be a good choice. Is she a mousy brunette? Then get her the highlighting kit.  Oh, heck, buy her whatever you want. I find the whole idea of a waxing kit on a bridal registry rather disgusting. If she has hair problems, she should be discussing them with her cosmetician and not advertising them to all her friends and family. I have only two words for this classless lass:

Tack. Eeee.

*****

Dear Ruth,

Yesterday when talking to a friend I tried to remember the name of someone we both know. I'll call him "Greg". For the life of me his name was not coming to me, when suddenly I saw the face of someone (not Greg) and the name of this someone also popped into my head. I had never seen this person in my life.

I'm thinking that I actually must have had an out of  body experience. Could I have maybe jumped into Greg's body and seen what he was seeing? Like perhaps I was seeing the person he was talking to at that moment?

What do you think Ruth?

Wondering

Dear Wondering:

Whew! I had to read your letter 3 times before I started to understand it. So you were thinking of someone, trying to remember that someone's name, when all of a sudden you saw someone else's face.  You did not recognize this face and did not know this person, but for some weird reason you knew this person's name.  Is that correct?

When this happened, were you taking any medications?  I once thought I had an out of body experience, but it turned out to a bad drug interaction between my diuretic, my female hormone pill and Ben Gay. I thought I was the beloved queen of a tiny planet of  half-donkey, half-parrot beings. My son found me on the roof of the garage wearing a garden hose around my waist and a pair of control top pantyhose on my head.  He had quite a time talking me down. What a night!

If you were not taking any medicine, then my only answer to you is yes. You had an out of body experience. Unless it happens again and you get stuck in the other person's body for a day or more, it's nothing to worry about.

*****

Confidential to Dr X:

This is what happens when husbands go off to Africa for a few weeks and leave their wives at home. You need to stay at home more and attend to Mrs. X's needs.  As for what you found at home, it doesn't sound so awful to me. Daring might be a better word for it.

You can either change the color of the carpet or the color of the drapes. A little trimming of the carpet to make it less shaggy might make the whole thing more appealing to you. Your wife is trying to express herself and she needs to find an outlet. If you just can't stand the idea at all, then rip the whole thing out and start over. This time perhaps you and your wife could do it together and both end up satisfied.

*****

Dear Ruth:

I read you every week and love you! But I just had to write to tell you how much I disagreed with your answer to Phone Friend.  Phone Friend wrote to complain about her friend who always made coughing and sneezing noises over the phone. You told Phone Friend that she wasn't a very good friend to complain about her ill friend.  Come on Ms. Wellington! That  friend is disgusting.  I don't care how sick a person is he can cover the phone when coughing or sneezing. At least he could excuse himself during a coughing fit. And what is this friend doing on the phone in the first  place if he is so sick? There are way too many people out their without phone etiquette. If I feel a sneeze coming, I always put the phone close to my chest to muffle the sound when it happens.  The same can be done for a cough or a snort or whatever noise is coming.   I think you dropped the ball on this one, Ms. Wellington.  

A Faithful Reader

Dear Faithful Reader:

You've got a lot of nerve questioning my advice dearie.  I don't see people nationwide clamoring for YOUR advice, do I? Thank goodness that I have an infinite capacity for understanding and forgiveness in my heart.  Okay, let me clarify my answer to Phone Friend.  Sneezing into a phone is Okay, but only if the sneeze came up suddenly and with no warning. The talker should immediately asked to be excused after the sneeze. If you can sense the sneeze coming, press the receiver to a pillow, not your bosom, until it all blows over. 

Snorting can slip out when one is convulsing with laughter at the hilarity of his or her friend's banter. A simple "excuse me" should follow.  Snorting repeatedly and forcefully in an attempt to lodge or dislodge something is not acceptable while talking on the phone.

One should cover their mouth when coughing for no good reason. In the event of a chronically ill person, the caller will have to decide how much coughing they can tolerate. A TRUE FRIEND will excuse the cougher, as the friend knows that the cougher can't help it. And one should ALWAYS cover the phone when clearing one's throat or blowing one's nose.

Speaking of bodily explosions, under no circumstances should someone continue a telephone conversation while using the restroom. If you cannot wait, then offer to call your friend back. I actually knew someone well, her name was Sally M., who would use the bathroom while we were talking. I could actually hear the tinkling in the toilet bowl right in the middle of my telling her about my latest adventure. It was the height of rudeness and caused a rift in our friendship that no amount of Sunday afternoon drinking and card-playing has been able to completely mend as yet.