Hollywood - Summer Vacation 2016

The sidewalk in front of El Capitan Theatre was cordon off as the A-listers and guests exited The
 BFG movie premiere. We just wanted to get past so that we could get to our car, but there was no way. We were about the fourth tier in of people behind the railing and getting pushed forward. Some people like us were just trying to get through, and when they realized they couldn't they turned around and squeezed back the way they had come. We figured we were there and it wouldn't be long before they let us through. I mean, how long does it take to exit a theater? I also figured a glimpse of Steven Spielberg might be exciting as well. So we stayed put.

Tom has a video he took of people filing out of the theater and it is eerily quiet. I don't remember that. Not even a peep from the crowd we were standing in, but suddenly the three guys at the front of the railing, messenger bags slung over their shoulders and cameras slung around their necks, started shouting. Loudly. Boisterously. "Catherine! Catherine! CATHERINE! WILL YOU SIGN THIS? PLEASE? CATHERINE. CATHERINE." (Guy below in hat at front, guy next to him, and guy in hat who was in front of me)

Madison: "It was Catherine Bell from the Good Witch series, you know your Army Wives actress. She was with her daughter, and I felt bad for her as they guys shouted. She put her arm around her daughter and kept walking."

I didn't see her. It wasn't as if a mass of people were exiting the theater, it was just that no one looked like anything special to me. I don't know if I expected the stars to shine with an aura or something, but everyone looked, well, normal. They came out of the theater, walked the red carpet into the road that was blocked securely off from the rest of us, and either climbed into limos or walked away into the night. Some stood in the middle of the area that had the large backdrops of the movie's posters.They took pictures and chatted, hugging people and talking.

I watched them and suddenly a face popped out at me; the child who plays Lily on Modern Family. She was standing with some grownups and other children not to far from where we stood. I clutched Tom's arm and pointed. I was very excited. Someone I knew even though I didn't have a clue as to her name.

Before I could snap the above photo the three men went nuts. "RUBY! RUBY! RUBY! RUBY! HERE! RUBY." Out of the theater came this small child who turned out to be Ruby Barnhill the child chosen by Spielberg to play the lead in this movie. She stopped when she heard her name called, turned, and then headed over to us security and adults surrounding her.

She got to the railing and all of the people there, behind them, either side of them, and so on started shoving things at her; hats, movie posters, pictures. Phones came out and snapped her signing. She smiled and chatted, but no one was interested in listening to her. It was all about capturing her image and her signature.

She was very gracious. She signed. She smiled. She let the adults move her down the line so that she could reach most everyone along the railing. She wanted to get to everyone you could tell. The innocence of the child, but there was no way. People were pushing to move forward, stretching out their arms to shove merchandise at her, screaming for her attention so that they could get what they wanted.

I snapped the action and then just stood and felt sorry for her. Everyone wanted a piece of her without really wanting her. She finally was moved out of the chaos and crossed the street into the darkness. The gentleman at the railing, the one I dubbed Paparazzi Guy and who was clearly in charge, shoved her autographed picture into his satchel, pulled out another and held it high into the air. He started shouting again at the other star of the show, Mark Rylance as he came out of the theater. The crowd went nuts. "MARK. MARK. MARK." It was blistering to the ears and not kind. The Paparazzi Guy at the rail waving his picture was nuts. He turned to Skinny Guy in front of me and shouted at him, "Call his name. %$#$ you have to shout. You're an ^&^%$#. You have to work if you want to get paid." Skinny Guy shouted more than what he had been, but his voice was quieter as if he weren't really sure what he was into at the moment. He seemed like he felt sorry for what he was doing.

By now we were right up to the paparazzi people. The tiers of people who had once been in front of us kept leaving and so Tom and I moved up. Darcy was already up to the railing to the side of us chatting with fans. Madison stayed behind, to the side out of the way. Mark Rylance walked right past Darcy to get into his waiting limo. He turned and waved at all of us, Paparazzi Guy going insane. He shouted and shouted, veins popping out of his neck. Mark Rylance looked right at him, a disgusted look on his face, and then turned to the rest of us and said, "No autographs tonight. Sorry." That didn't stop Mr. Paparazzi Guy. Oh, no. He got more forceful as if that would change anyone's mind. He told Skinny Guy to work harder, yell louder. He cursed and yelled. Mark Rylance climbed into the limo and was whisked away. Only then did the yelling stop from the obnoxious guy. Back went the picture of Mark Rylance into the satchel, out came several more.

He then went off on Skinny Guy cursing and shouting. Skinny Guy pulled out several pictures, gave them to Paparazzi Guy, told him where he could stick his job, and pushed his way past me and left. Paparazzi guy started talking to the man next to him about ungrateful little twerps. He ranted and cursed. This was his business and the only way to get paid was to work, and to work meant getting these stars' attention and autographs. I got bored watching him and turned back to the girl from Modern Family. She was still there in the middle chatting and giggling like a child her age. They were shrieking about some bug that was flying around them so I called out to Darcy who was to our left closer to the actress. I told her to look, but I had to shout that. I didn't know the actresses name, but as soon as I said Modern Family, Paparazzi Guy was back into his satchel pulling out her photo. He turned around and pushed past me, literally shoving me out of the way. "AUBREY! AUBREY!"

Darcy: "He came over and started using his elbow to push past the girls I had been talking to. He told said, "You don't do this for a living. I do and get out of my way." He came up to me with his knobby, fat elbow and I said, "Oh, no, you don't, buddy" and I used my body to keep him back. He didn't get up in my place."

Aubrey Anderson-Emmons is her name. I had to look it up after we got into the car. Paparazzi Guy shouted and shouted and shouted, but the child never looked his way. Some of the other people in the crowd chanted her name too, but it did nothing. By now I had taken Paparazzi Guy's place at the railing, but before I knew it he was barreling back to claim it again as another star exited the theater.

"KRISTEN! KRISTEN! KRISTEN! HERE! KRISTEN!" I was shoved aside until I was standing between Paparazzi Guy and a small child about ten years old whose mother stood behind him. She too had a collection of various posters and she told the child what to scream and he did so waving his poster at the comedian Kristen Schaal, who I actually recognized, and who was gracious enough to come over to sign away her signature that these assholes weren't interested in as fans, but as a means of putting dinner on their table. A vicious cycle.

The child ended up being the magnet. At first I thought the kid was with Paparazzi Guy, but they weren't. He probably should look into procreating one because the kid drew the stars. He was cute. The next star, I didn't know. I don't remember her name either despite the shouting of it. She saw the kid and headed over.

She signed the kid's poster, but asked him his name and signed it to him. Not sure if that sells. She talked to the kid while Paparazzi Guy kept shoving his picture, a racy one at that, in her direction. She signed something for him, but he tried to get her to sign another one and she gave him the cold shoulder. He tried to pass his picture to his guy friend and she realized the scam and moved on down the line toward Darcy taking selfies with some girls and signing some stuff. Paparazzi Guy started back through us to get over to her, but realized she was not going to do anything more for him.

Eventually it was over. I stood and listened to Paparazzi Guy talking to his friend. The mother and kid left. More and more of the crowd dispersed. One of the security guys, a big guy that had accompanied Ruby Barnhill over our way and who had worn a huge Disney D on his tie, and who seemed really annoyed at Paparazzi Guy during the whole autograph hounding, strode over to the railing. I thought maybe he was going to give Paparazzi Guy a talking to, but instead they fist bumped each other and started chatting about whose signatures were snagged and what events were next. I got the idea that Security Guy was the head of his own firm and that the two rubbed each other's backs when they could. Security Guy wanted to know where Paparazzi Guy's sister was and then they both discussed Skinny Guy. All very fascinating, if not sort of depressing. The world of fame and glamour has many sides and it ain't all pretty.

The red carpet was pulled up and then security opened the railings so that those of us who were left could move on down the sidewalk. We did so, heading to our car for the drive back, our brush with Hollywood and fame ending.