The first birthday package arrived in the mail a week prior to my day. It was from my SIL (she signs my brother's name, but lets be honest. It's from her), and it was in a BIG box that stared at me all week long from where I sat it on a dining room chair. So when it came time to open up my presents after the pie and singing, I opted to open that one first. I did it with wide abandonment using only my fingers, ripping tape and pulling with all of my strength. I opened the lid with joyful excitement, and then stared into it with puzzlement.
My brain stared at the three items and registered nothing. Nada. I closed the lid and then opened it again as if the contents were going to magically change. They didn't. The same three items were still there.
Tom: "What is that?"
Me: "A Leap Frog Scribble and Write, a drawing thing, and a mermaid tale."
Tom: "From who? That seems kind of .... why would they send you that?"
Obviously a mistake. An oopsy daisy from Amazon. The message read, "Happy Birthday. We miss you" which I knew was something my SIL would say, but not without some love thrown into the message. There were four pieces of paper inside an envelope with the reoccurring birthday message, but one of the papers had the name, "Tesla" written on it.
SIL: "Won't she be surprised when she opens her gift!"
I texted my SIL who contacted Amazon who agreed they had made a mistake. Instead of making me box and ship the items back to their warehouse they told me I could keep them and/or donate them. Darcy immediately confiscated the mermaid tale. The other two items I shall donate for the holidays. Meanwhile my real presents arrived over the weekend with my long awaited "wish" item, a Glowbowl, a toilet bowl night light
I'm a huge nightlight person. I grew up with nightlights, and I never turned on lights in the night. When I was dating my husband he bought a nightlight for his bathroom for me, and I knew then he was the one. I saw this nightlight on Amazon on one of it's deals of the day, and I immediately added it to my wish list. Because, what's not to love about this? It's motion activated so when I come into the bathroom during the early morning or evening time the bowl lights up to allow me to see. There are six different colors, and since I got it I've changed to a different color each night I go to bed.
Darcy: "It's weird. I mean, really? A light in the toilet? It's weird."
I love it. Downside is that you can't turn it off during the daytime. It really needs an off switch so the batteries don't run down. It will be interesting to see how long it lasts. Other downside is it most likely will be filthy, the part that is inside the bowl. Ugh. I haven't had to deal with that yet, but I'll pull out my handy dandy Clorox wipes I suppose.
Two days after my birthday, while I slept, my brain, slow on the uptake as always, registered that I had not renewed my driver's license that expired on my birthday. My brain alerted the rest of my body to this fail, and I jumped up out of bed Saturday morning at 8:00 a.m. on the dot and rushed into the bathroom to brush my teeth. As I went through the motions of getting toothpaste out and wetting the brush, my brain registered the weekend and the fact that I was screwed. And home bound until Monday.
Tom: "You'll just have to drive slowly and obey the law. And look out for cops."
Me: "Uh, obey the law? Hello."
Darcy was away for the weekend, and my husband scoffed at driving me to all of the places I needed to be driven to. My friend SueG hauled me around on Saturday, but on Sunday I broke the law. I had to drive to church, drive to pick up a Greek salad, and drive to buddy's house for the Steelers game. I felt like such a rebel.
SueG: "Good thing you drive like a grandma."
Monday morning I was at the DMV a few minutes after it opened. I came prepared with all of the identity paperwork needed to establish that I was who I said I was, including two pieces of mail. Because nothing proves a person's identity more than a piece of mail with a name and address. Please. I get mail daily made out to my mother, my brother, my sister in law, and recently, my aunt, all apparently living at my home address.
The clerk took my photo, spent considerable time typing, and eventually disappeared to get my new license. Upon her return, she showed me that the laminating hadn't done its job, crinkling up on the edges. She took a red marker and wrote MFT on both sides of my license, and then sat back down to redo everything she had already done. She disappeared to get my new license, and when she returned it was to show me that the damn laminating machine had once again messed up my license. Again she wrote MFT on the front and back on my license.
Me: "I hope you're going to shred those."
Clerk: "Actually, this is a manufacturing issue. It will go back to the company. These machines are just awful."
Me: "Great. I feel so safe knowing this. I think maybe cutting it in half might be more secure."
Clerk: "Let's see if third time is a charm."
It was, but I left with the new license knowing that there were two more of me, complete with triple chins, circulating in the universe. I should have told her I would just take them home and flush them down my lit up toilet. Instead I drove to a local bakery and got myself a couple of donuts and a large coconut coffee. Happy Birthday to me.
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