Travel anxiety

Before I travel, I have anxiety. It usually starts several weeks prior to my traveling and this time has been no different. I've had this since I was a youngster. I blame my mother, of course, because we are suppose to blame our parents for our idiosyncrasies, but she use to jokingly pretend she was really sad when I would go to sleepovers, and it gave me a guilt complex. I worried something would happen when I was gone and it would be all my fault for leaving. The weird thing is that I know she was kidding. She was the mother who jumped up and down at the bus stop each school year. Yet, I worried.

Once I'm at the airport the anxiety disappears. Poof. As if it were never there to begin with, but the weeks or days leading up to the trip are riddle with anxiousness. First of all, I don't travel alone. I've written about this before, but for the past twenty years I've had children in tow, occasionally  the husband. I can count the times I've traveled without them on one hand and three of those are within the last five years. Secondly, I don't like leaving my family behind because of the "what if" factor which my aunt tells me is the need to control my surroundings. As if I could stop a hurricane from barreling through the Atlantic and up through the state of Florida.

Third, comes the guilt. I'm able to travel because I don't "work". (The air quotes are still not tiring much to the hubby's despair) I prefer to tell myself it is because I can travel with my work. My writing comes with me and my travels give me more to write, but there is still the guilt of leaving the job holders behind. This time that means my husband.

Darcy: "I'm coming home this weekend."
Me: "What? Why? I'm not going to be here."
Darcy: "I know. Poor Dad."

Lastly, is the fact that when I do travel away from the husband he buys something major. Like a refrigerator. Or a car. Thank god, he asked me about colors on the car before purchasing and I put the stop to that purchase. Since the hurricane the man has been doing projects he has wanted to do for years. He has had our pool deck resurfaced. He has had the roof inspected again. Yesterday, a shipment of LED lights arrived by UPS to redo the lighting in the Steelers room. God knows what he will buy or do when I'm off traveling.

This morning when I woke my heart was rapidly beating and I worried about my yearly physical that got canceled due to the hurricane. I worried that I should have a flu shot before flying, but then worried that if I got one what if I had a reaction and wasn't able to travel? I'm getting my teeth cleaned today and worried I would have a major cavity that they would want to repair in the next week and I wouldn't be able to have that done and my tooth would get infected while in Indiana. People, I'm a mess.

Yet, come Thursday morning when the hubby drops me off at the airport I will get through security, grab a coffee, and sit and relax. Excitement will kick in and all will be well. Two days and counting...