One and, two and...

A year ago during the purchase of Darcy's birthday present at a music store, I wandered into the drum area where I met one of the instructors. A chill guy, grey hair pulled back in a ponytail, with the voice inflection of the "whoa dude" era. I discussed my wish to learn how to drum and after trading a few barbs he convinced me to pay the activation fee for lessons. I had planned to start them after both girls went back to college, but the holidays descended, I got sick and then had bursitis in my shoulder so I kept putting it off.

Sunday, I had my first drum lesson. It was supposed to have been on the Wednesday prior, but when I arrived I wasn't on the schedule. Since it had been done by phone by some girl who had called me, I wasn't too surprised. What did get me was the attitude when I walked in.

Guy: "Hello, can I help you?"
Me: "I'm here for a lesson."
Guy: "Oh. With Susan?"
Me: "Uh, no. With Royse, I believe."

He made what I call the Whart? face (that being an expression Darcy uses frequently with a raised inflection on the word as if you have said something crazy) and told me to have a seat while he finished with the couple at the desk. I proceeded to do what he told me, but then I thought, who the hell is Susan? And I turned around to the wall behind me which has blurbs about the instructors, along with their pictures. Susan taught piano and voice. Obviously, this guy didn't picture me as a drummer. Pfft.

When he finally got to me, he admitted I wasn't on the computer. I, however, didn't want to discuss that.

Me: "So, you took one look at me and thought I looked like a pianist?"
Guy: "Huh?"
Me: "Susan. You asked me if I was here for Susan. You obviously thought I looked more like a pianist instead of a drummer."
Guy: "I thought you were here to study voice with Susan."
Me: "Ah, nice save."

We became best friends and he signed me up for Sunday lessons. I went after church since it is closer to there then my house. I figured Royse would roll his eyes when he got his first look at me too. I had no illusions that he would remember me from a year ago, and he didn't, nor did he think I belonged with Susan.

Royse: "Nice to meet you."
Me: "We met a year ago. But never mind that. I'm here now."
Royse: "Why are you here? What is your goal?"
Me: "I want to lose this flab right here under my arms. The stuff that jiggles when I wave."
Royse: "Join a gym."
Me: "When I talked to you a year ago, you told me that losing this flab was possible through drumming. But I'm kidding. Sort of. I want to learn how to play the drums."
Royse: "For what? What's your end goal?"
Me: "Jeez. Why does there have to be an end goal? I'm a middle-aged woman who is trying hard to ignore my mortality what with my parents being dead. I want to start doing things I've always wanted to do. Drumming is number two on my list."
Royse: "Do you have a drum set?"
Me: "No. That's further down on the list."
Royse: "Well, I'm not trying to sell you a drum set, but that will be something you'll need if you continue to play. I have a kid that's been with me for a year and he still doesn't have a set. He isn't getting much better because he isn't practicing."
Me: "Royse, if I'm still with you after six months I'll be getting a drum set."

Please. It only took one lesson, one attempt at following his directions, and his praising me up and down.

Royse: "That's it! That's it! You got it the first time. Ask my daughter, (she was sitting in the room with us) no one gets it the first time. And you did! That's awesome. That's an A+"
Me: "You're just buttering me up so I'll keep coming. It's working. Keep admiring me out loud."

I loved it! I didn't do anything but one, and, two, and, three, and, four, and on the high hat with one and three on the bass and two and four on the snare, but people, I think I'm a natural. And I need a drum set. Obviously! Because banging my drumsticks together and shouting, "One, two, three, four" and then calmly beating the couch in my slow, slow rhythm of one, and, two, and, three, and, four and isn't the same as doing it on a drum set. I need a drum set. I've moved it up the list.

In the meantime, I drum everywhere. I take my sticks from one room to the other. I practice on my knees like he told me to with my hands. I listen to music and drum. I love to crack those babies together and shout my "One, two, three four" and then begin my slow, slow pattern. It makes me laugh.

Darcy: "It was funny the first two times, but now it's just getting old."
Me: "You just don't understand drum humor."

When I'm good enough I'll be integrated into a band and we'll perform at the music store. Everyone is invited!