Out of the mouths of my babes

Darcy called Sunday afternoon during football. She needed me to send her various pictures depicting details of her life for an ASL project. She told me what she needed, I held the phone up on my Picasa photo site, and when she agreed, I emailed them.

Darcy: "I need a picture of Maddy after she decided to go to UNC."

Me: "Yeah. What kind of picture would I have taken of that?"

Darcy: "Something on campus that says UNC and has Maddy in it? Maddy in a UNC shirt?"

Me: "I don't have anything like that."

Darcy: "What? You have clearly dropped the ball on mothering. Or at least in the documenting department. I'm disappointed. Mainly because I need that."

Me: "I have pictures of her on campus."

Darcy: "But those are pictures of buildings. How are people supposed to know where that is? Clearly, you have failed. I'll have to call Maddy and have her put on a UNC shirt and reenact her freshman year."

Me: "I'd better keep looking."

Darcy: "Yeah, true. Do I really want more pictures like the pictures she sent you for her first day of school?"

Darcy called her sister anyway, and we had a three-way Facetime chat. Madison agreed to recreate her acceptance or at least her time as a freshman. She searched frantically through her drawers for anything with the words the University of North Carolina on it. It was quite tricky.

Me: "See, this isn't my fault. The kid refused to purchase a shirt that said UNC. We offered. We tried. I have a picture of Jim in the shirt we bought him for watching the dog. Madison is standing next to him. How about that?"

Darcy: "I have faith that Madison will prevail. While she is looking, do you have one of me when I decided to go to USF?"

Me: "Yes. That one I have."

Darcy: "See, Maddy. That's what a freshman looks like. That's what a college student looks like backing her school. That's the picture I'm going to need."

Maddy: "Okay, I've got it. I'm sending it."

Darcy: "Oh, my god! Maddy! Don't take that outfit off because you need to redo those pictures. That is gross. I can see the dirt and hair on your foot."

Maddy: "I just showered."

Darcy: "Well, clearly you didn't clean your room."

Me: "What is that black spot on your foot? That doesn't look good. What is that? Is that a melanoma?"

Darcy: "Mom, calm down. She just brushed it off. It was dirt."

Me: "I'm going to need to see it. Oh, okay. Whew."

Darcy: "Madison! I need you to do better than this. My project is counting on you. See this picture of me? That's what I want. Clearly, I can't fault mom for the documenting because the subject obviously wasn't cooperative."

Me: "Thank you."

Maddy: "I wish I had my pom poms from freshman year."

Darcy: "Ah jeez, Mom, she's now looking like she was a fraternity party girl her freshman year."

Madison: "I'm proud that I dug out athletic shorts with that color. Like yours."

Darcy: "No! No, you didn't. Mine are really USF shorts that I purchased myself. Those shorts are...well, I don't know what those shorts are. Get me those pictures, Madison!"

Me: "Her theatrics should at least earn her some points."

Darcy: "You two definitely need to work on helping me with my projects. You both suck."