I've had a lot of anxiety this week. Krista's death, coupled with wandering out into the world, has caused physical and mental problems. Sleep has been elusive, and our house is more subdued.
I know it won't last. Life will gradually return to what it was before my friend suddenly lost her life, but for now, I mourn and continuously think about her family.
And I face my mortality.
No matter our real age, we feel we're invincible. Death is for those who've lived long lives, raised children, and accomplished items on the bucket list. As the years move, age slides further down the numerical line because, hey, fifty-five isn't old. We have years!
It's a load of crap, of course, but it's what we hold on to because to think otherwise is scary. Then reality smacks us in the face, and we realize--it can happen to us.
Ack!
Life goes on even as I second guess each pain in my body. Eventually, this worry will fade into the next concern, arising only at times when Krista will pop into my head. This death isn't my first rodeo. Unfortunately, I've lost way too many people not to know the drill.
But now, stuck in my house while the world implodes around me, I'm not there yet.
Cara,
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Sadness is one of the hardest emotions to get through but know that you will and you're right, things will get back to "normal" on the other side. The state of our country is a mess but find the comfort of your family and friends and at this time feel protected within that bubble until you're ready to cope with the chaos. There are more good and kind people in this world but sadly we tend to only hear the bad stories. I will say an extra prayer for you and Krista's family. Hopefully you will find comfort and love in knowing you're always in my thoughts and prayers. Love you always my friend!