A Kelly Experiemce

I'm in the grocery after coming from the gym. I'm sweaty, in my workout clothes, and have my Ipod attached to my upper right arm. I'm in a grocery I don't normally go to because it is next to the Hallmark store where I have purchased an anniversary card for my friend's parents. Killing two birds so to speak. I am in the produce department heading east when a tiny, skinny, older, attractive women with shortly cropped gray hair stops me by touching my left arm. Her grocery cart is headed in the opposite direction and she pushes it out of the way so that she can get close to me. She is in my space. If she were taller we would be touching noses.

Lady: "Can I just ask you? I saw your shirt." Looks all around her, her eyes going in different directions. The eyes return to me and she steps closer, touching my arm again. "Wasn't that the most awful game? I saw your shirt and I just had to stop you."

Me: "It was an awful game." I agree. I'm wearing a Pittsburgh Steeler shirt. One of two that I work out in. "I debated on whether I should wear this shirt or not since I knew I would get some jeering, but I was just at the gym and it is so comfortable." I feel the need to explain why I am sweaty and nasty looking.

Lady: "Just an awful game. I tell you..." Looks around again. Touches me again. "Can I...Do you have a minute? I was...I heard Mendenhall...Do you know who that is?" I nod. "I heard him say that there were two sides to every story and I just wonder..." Steps back out of my space shaking her head. "Do you wonder if 9/11 had anything to do with it? That maybe they were just too broken? Because they didn't come to play."

Me: "They did not come to play that is true. But I hear what you are saying and I will admit that I wondered if that was a possibility for some of them. Granted it wasn't an easy day for any of us. It wasn't really the best day to start the season out especially with all the turmoil of whether or not there would be a season."

Lady: Head nodding over and over. "I'm so glad to hear you say that because I told Joe...I told him I thought something wasn't right. They were just awful. I'm so glad you wore that shirt." Touches me again on the same arm. "I'm...what is your name?"

Me: "Cara."

Lady: "Cara. Cara. I'm Barbara. I'm from New York and I'm a Steelers fan."

Me: "I'm from Indiana and I'm a Steelers fan."

Lady: "Indiana? Well, there you go."

Me: "When I was a kid the Colts were in Baltimore. I lived on the Ohio and we got the Steelers games every Sunday so I chose them for my team." Still having to explain my relationships.

Lady: "Oh, back in the 70's the team was so good. But yesterday was just awful. I told Joe that. It was just an odd day. Some of the teams they said were so good lost."

Me: "A lot of strange games." Wondering how to move on. Push my cart a little ways forward.

Lady: "My nephew is an Oakland fan...what did you say your name was again? I forgot, I'm sorry." Touches my arm again, only to touch my left breast instead.

Me: "Cara." Ignoring that. Not wanting to embarrass her. "People get it wrong a lot and call me Car-a."

Lady: "Oh, Cara. My goodness I'm sorry I touched you...I was meaning to touch you there." Touches my arm again. "Instead I touched you there" Touches my left breast again. "I didn't mean to do that. Well, at least you have something to touch there." Pokes at my left breast as if it were a loaf of bread. "Look at me. Nothing. Flat as a board." Pounds her chest like King Kong. "Flat chested."

Me: "Oh, my." Wondering if people in produce are noticing. Wondering why someone isn't helping me escape. Wondering if this will be on YouTube later. Wondering if TV cameras aren't hiding in the apple display.

Lady: "Well, Car-a it was nice to talk to you. I'm so glad you wore that shirt today. I'll see you again I'm sure."

Me: "This isn't really my grocery, but it was nice meeting you." Push my cart forward and knock off some wire container attached to the bottom of the produce displays. It contains a handful of potato peelers that clank to the ground.

Lady: "Oh, Car-a let me help you with that. Oh, my look at that. You didn't mean to do that. I'm anxious. I could have done that. I take Xanax. I could have done that, but you didn't mean to. They'll understand." Puts everything back. "There! All better."

Me: "Well, thank you. It was nice meeting you. Hope we do better this coming Sunday."

Lady: "Oh, we will. We will." Touches my arm again. "I live here. Where do you live?"

Me: "In this area."

Lady: "Well, Car-a I'll see you again. You take care. I'm so glad I saw that shirt. I'm glad you wore it today. Nice talking to you."

I push my cart off wondering....what the hell just happened?