Step in or step back?

Teen drama has entered our house and in this day and age of bullying and social media it is hard to decide what to be truly concerned about and what to be left to the teen to handle on her own. Teen drama back in my day, now considered the ancient age of no electronic devices, caller i.d., and remoteless television, was handled by us teens and mostly kept from our parents' prying eyes and ears. Nowadays parents are suppose to keep on top of that sort of stuff, tiptoeing near doors to listen in on phone calls and monitoring text messages, facebook, and twitter.

I'm one of the fortunate. My girls talk to me. I feel I'm clued in on most of what happens with them although I think the eldest is more quiet than the younger. With my first born drama is usually school work related and being overwhelmed. She isn't as forthcoming as her sister whose issues are more vast and run the gamut from tiny to humongous. My baby is my social butterfly who wants to have multitudes of friends who like her and she wants to have a life much like the lives of the teens she watches on television. Reality for her in this sense is knocking her down.

Her freshman year she told me she liked this boy. Turned out that he liked her, and so after a lot of talking everything through we agreed they could "date". That meant holding hands during school and meeting up occasionally at after school events. We met his parents and we spent some time with him when he would show up for her sporting events. His parents happened to be friends of my Steelers buddy and happened to be from my hometown in Indiana. It was all very innocent and I made sure that the lines of communication were open at all times. Plus I tiptoed around listening in on conversations whenever I heard her voice. Just in case.

They way I observed things was that it was all good in the beginning. All the kids hung out in groups back then and everyone was friends, but eventually some of the boys started offering up relationship advice to the beau, who would text her to discuss where they should be headed. Instead of just relaxing and going along for the ride he let others dictate how he and she should be acting, and by the time summer was halfway through he was consumed with what others thought. When the first months of the new school year didn't get better in his eyes he became demanding over text messages, telling her she wasn't a good person. Drama ensued. The boys and some of the girls were on one side and other girls were with my daughter on her side. It became this he said, she said that parents consider nonsense, but that is the end of the world for teens. I remember. Everything back then was so blown up in proportion and so life altering. Eventually my kid had to call it quits because she was so unhappy that her stomach was constantly in knots and she spent more time crying in her room then she did on schoolwork.

Of course that wasn't the end of it because the beau won't let it go. Or others won't let him let it go. Or whatever it is that is causing nasty rumors to swell and be tossed around by students that aren't even people my kid considers friends. Next came information about unflattering pictures with sexual comments being circulated via messenger. To hear all of this you would think that nothing is getting done that is school related because all of these kid' time is taken up with this couples' business. Yesterday I had enough. My daughter came home on the bus, opened the door, and fell into my arms sobbing. I listened and then became a mama bear. I gave her one week, at her request, to deal with this guy and then I was calling his parents, or if necessary, would bring it to the school's attention.

It is a whole different world from the one I grew up in. Bullying is a serious crime today with kids ending their lives because of harassment from school mates and others coming after the bullies with retaliation that escalates into violence. Social media adds to the ease of knocking someone down, and issues are circulated quickly and instantly. School officials and parents are having to redefine what they thought they knew about kids. When do we intervene? What is too much? Is it better to let the child handle situations or step in and take over? It is hard when your child doesn't want you involved. Again, I'm lucky. My child keeps me in the loop and wants my help to either knock around ideas on solving issues or to just listen to her vent.

When I was in high school I had a neighbor boy who harassed me. He would write in chalk on the back of my chair so that the word would come off on my jacket when I leaned back in it. He would follow me off of the bus and yell insults at me. I had no idea what set him off. He wasn't someone that I even talked to or hung out with. I ignored him. I ignored what he did and said for weeks, but finally one day I had enough. I turned around and came back at him and then I told my parents. I told them that if they didn't do something that I would and I couldn't guarantee what that would be. I remember being very dramatic because it was that important to me. The next day my dad went to school and met with the counselor. The kid never spoke to me or harassed me ever again. It was as if it had never happened.

My child has asked that I respect her wishes. I told her that I would give her that week to deal with things, but that if at the end of the week it was still as bad as it is now then I was taking over. It is a compromise I guess. A learning curve for both of us. I hope we are doing the right thing.