Ask Ruth Wellington

"Read the column that everyone is talking about over coffee every Tuesday morning!" --- Buckley 

Press 

 "The next Ann? Ruth just tells it like it is." --- Pinellas Courier

Dear Ruth:

I am a person who likes to think that I do the best  Herman Munster ---here it  goes -- HA HA HA --I think it is the boss.   Please tell me I am not a nerd in waiting. Ruth I know you have been around and  the stories are that you  had more than a lunch with Fred Gwynne. DARN, DARN,  DARN,

Dear Herman Fan:

I feel that part of your letter may be missing as it just ends with darn darn darn and then a comma. Okay, nothing is more entertaining than a good impressionist and it seems that you have perfected Herman Munster, from what I could hear....er...read. What do you do for a living? Are you in the entertainment industry?  Are you hoping to join the entertainment industry? If so, then you need to perfect a few more celebrity impressions before your act will be ready, perhaps some that are a little more current. Until that time, it is my sorrowful duty to inform you that, yes indeed, you are a nerd. Not a nerd in waiting but a fully developed nerd. I am sure I am not the first to inform you of this. Don't fret though. Undoubtedly there have been full blown nerds who went on to success in their chosen field. I can't really think of any right now though...

Fred Gwynne and I never dated or did anything else together for that matter. I don't know where these rumors get started.

*****

RUTH DARLING, 

I am worth a small fortune.....$497.....yeah, you got it.  So, of course, I spend my nights with the lights on.  My problem is that some of my so-called friends think they should share in my good fortune.  Can I be rich and still have friends?

XXXXX,

Stinkee Jones

Dear Stinkee Jones:

Of course you can be rich and still have friends!  Look at me for example. I am rich and I have literally hundreds of close friends. Of course, the trick is to have rich friends. Good Luck.

*****

Dear Ruth,

 I have found out the most HORRIBLE news! I was waiting with much anticipation for the fall VH1 season because my IDOl, Liza Minelli and her STUD husband , Mr. Gest were going to open their private world for all of us fans while they did their reality show.   Now it's been canceled!! What am I going to do?

 Frazzled in Fremont

Dear Frazzled in Fremont:

The story I heard was that David wanted to cancel the series because he felt it would take too much time away from their sex life. David apparently can not get enough of Liza in the bedroom. After all, they are newlyweds. Perhaps after they get over their honeymoon period, they will settle down and reconsider doing that show. I hope so. And perhaps the season opener will include Liza announcing that she's expecting. What wonderful news that would be!

*****

Dear Ruth,

I am having a terrible dilemma  Having been married yourself, I'm certain you will be able to provide me with the right advice. My soon to be 3rd ex husband, I'll call him, Jimmy Joe Jamil Jovanich IV, had divorce papers served to me during my monthly "Ladies Who Lunch" lunch.   I wasn't even aware that our marriage was in shambles.  This came as a complete and total shock to me.   Now, the ladies who lunch, were very sympathetic, and outraged, rightly so!   However, this isn't my problem. 

My dilemma is this - While being consoled by one of the ladies who lunch, I'll call her, MaryElizabeth Margaret Merriweather, of the Palm Beach Merriweathers, had a  foreign substance lodged in her right nostril.  When  I attempted to bring this to her attention, she informed me that it was in fact not a "Wad of Snot" as I had said, but rather the latest fashion trend  "Schnozzle Dazzle" straight from Milan!!! As if!   Have you heard of this new trend? If so, where can  I purchase it for myself?

Yours Truly,
The soon to be ex - Mrs. Jimmy Joe Jamil Jovanich, IV

Dear Soon To Be Ex Mrs. JJJJIV:

My goodness!!! No, I have not heard of any fashion accessory called Schnozzle Dazzle , and I was just in Milan last spring.  I can't imagine why you would want to wear an accessory that others might confuse for mucus. Listen to me  carefully. Do not attempt to put any kind of jewelry or ornamentation inside your nostril!  I don't care if Ms. Merriweathers of the Palm Beach Merriweathers or the entire Ladies Who Lunch club membership starts wearing them! Be your own person, a sensible person, a person who does NOT stick foreign objects up their nose even if all their gal pals are doing it. Good god. What are you? A toddler? Be independent!!! You have rid yourself of Jimmy Joe; now it's time to rid yourself of these horrid friends!

*****

Dear Ruth,

I was hoping that you could take a few moments out of your hectic schedule to list the top 10 reasons people love fish sticks and mac-n-cheese.

Ping "Ding" Ming

Dear Ping:

I am always happy to devote a few inches of my column to food matters. Most of my readers will be surprised to learn that I love fish sticks and macaroni and cheese. Yes, that right. Even someone as sophisticated as Ms. Wellington knows the joy of this eternally popular comfort food.

Top Ten Reasons People Love Fish sticks & Mac & Cheese

1.  It's cheap.
2. It warms the tummy on a crisp winter evening spent by the fire after a day of cross country        skiing in Lucerne.
3. Fish contains omega oils which are good for the heart and cheese is full of calcium!
4. Macaroni and cheese is very continental. It originated in Italy.
5. They remind us of childhood.
6. Fish sticks make a nice finger food when unexpected company arrives. 
7. You can play with fish sticks like Lincoln Logs and build yourself a fishstick cabin on your plate when you're bored. 
8. Fish sticks give us a good reason to eat ketchup. 
9. It goes quite well with a nice glass of Pinot Grigio.
10. Three words - crispy fried breading!