I figure I get some exercise this way and so because I knew it would be better to get it over with before I sat down to blog I opened the door and we both went out on to the pool deck. To the left about two steps from the house door is the screen door that leads to the outside yard. I got one step toward the door, my arm reaching out to open the door, when I saw a large, skinny, black racer snake in the corner between the screen and the cabinet we have on the deck. I remember doing this:
Me: "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
And then I ran right back into the house screaming at the top of my lungs as if the snake was following behind me with a knife. My dog stood outside the house door looking up at me as if I had lost my mind as I begged him to get into the house. He of course did not come in. He, by golly, wanted to run outside like I had promised him and so I had to promise him a million treats just to get him inside. Which I totally forgot to give him once he came inside because I was too busy locking the door, peering out the window at the snake, and thinking what the hell I was going to do. The snake, meanwhile was banging its head against the screen desperate to get out probably thinking that he was going to be injured by the crazy, screaming woman.
Once upon a time I would have called my husband for my help. Back in those early days when Maddy was tiny he would have come at lunch time and taken care of the snake despite the fact that he doesn't like those critters anymore than I do. We have them living under my neighbor's hedge that sits between our two houses and every once in awhile we see them sunning in the yard. I've only had them in my pool deck about five times; one was killed by my husband, one my mother got out with the pool net, one I chased out, and one my husband got out. I did not hesitate this time. I pulled out my phone and called my friend Jim.
Jim lives about a mile or so down the street from us. His daughter and my youngest have been friends since they were three years old. Jim was the SAHD among all of us SAHM in those early years. If we needed a man we called him. Jim is also in the fossil business. He has traveled all over the world digging for and buying and selling fossils. He has an entire museum behind his house full of various animal fossils and other odds and ends and schools bring their kids through his museum. He spent most of his childhood here in Florida and is full of information especially about the native critters. This isn't my first call to him.
Once I hung a Halloween witch on my house by rolling duct tape so that one end went on the witch and the other end went on the house. At some point the tape came off of the house and a lizard got stuck in the tape, all four paws. I kept checking all day to see if he could get off of the tape, but every time he was still there. It made me sad, but I was too squeamish to touch him. I did bring him a bowl of water to drink from and then at the end of the day I called Jim. He came immediately and slowly and gently pried the little lizard off of the tape without ripping any appendages. The poor little thing's heart was pumping like crazy and he ran as fast as he could when Jim released him.
Another time I found a baby snake in my garage. It had this red ring around its neck and so I called Jim. He came over, got the snake, and gave us an education about the type of snake and what it ate. I could have cared less. The fact that it was in my garage was enough. This one in my pool deck? I called Jim.
Jim: "I'll be right over, kid."
He was there in less than five minutes. He used a towel and got to its head and when he picked the snake up it peed on him and then completely relaxed in his hold. I took a picture through the screen because as sweet as Jim is about coming to people's rescue he also is a lot like my dad and doesn't mind tormenting people with the animal.
Jim: "Come outside and get a good picture of it."
Me: "I'm getting one right here."
Jim: "But I want to be in the picture."
Me: "I assure you, you are in the picture."
I did have to come out and open the door to the outside for him, but I refused to come out unless Jim was on the other side of the pool deck. He complied, I opened the door, and he released the snake in my neighbor's yard in the hedge. Jim washed his hands and we agreed I owed him lunch next week. Then off he went to finish his Wednesday, and as I waved to him I realized that my heart had beat fast enough to consider this morning's activity as a cardio workout. Now I deserved the rest of the day off.
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