December 1, 2004
When we first moved into our house, I had in my mind the way each room should be decorated. I knew what furniture I wanted and where everything should go. We found our dining room furniture through an ad in the paper. It was exactly what I had envisioned. It wasn't expensive or anything fancy, but it was what I wanted and so we bought it and brought it home. I have lovingly cleaned it, much to the surprise of my mother who had to stand over us as kids when we cleaned her dining room set. I tell you this so you can understand my current dilemma.
Several years ago I discovered Cinch. Cinch was the greatest glass cleaner ever made. It came in a red bottle, cost less than other glass cleaners, and gave my windows such a shine that, and I'm not making this up, one time a bird flew into our window and knocked himself out. That was a little scary, and I had a lot of guilt from that, but really, I blame Cinch. It was just too good of a product. I never bought anything but Cinch. My father-in-law once used it at my house, and he too became a Cinch lover. All was right in my glass world.
But, you knew this was coming, one day Cinch was gone. Kaput. Nada. It packed up it's little red bottle and disappeared. I couldn't find it at Target or Walmart. I looked at obscure places and at Dollar places. No Cinch. I was forced to plop down the big bucks to purchase Windex.
I bought my bottle of Windex at Walmart. I came home from shopping and laid my packages on my dining room table which is where all good housewives lay their groceries and packages when the kitchen counters are cluttered with other stuff. Slowly, one by one, I put away most of the belongings. At some point, I received a phone call. I sat down at the dining room table to converse. I'm sure it was a very important phone call, but I really don't remember the details, just that it took quite a bit of my time.
At some point in the conversation, my legs got tired, yes, they were tired from sitting, and I started to heft them up on to the table. This is one of those things that I can do now on my own damn furniture without my mother yelling at me, well, she would yell at me if she saw me do it now, but she wasn't there and so I did it. But to find space for my legs, I had to remove the Walmart bag with the Windex in it. I sat the bag on the floor and that is when I discovered that my table was not only wet, but now had a big, whitish mark on it. The Windex bottle lid had not been screwed on properly and when I had put the bag down the bottle turned on its side and leaked ALL OVER MY CHERRY VENEER DINING TABLE.
I was pissed. Then I got scared and thought, for just a minute, that my mother was going to kill me. I obviously still have some concern in that department. It took a minute to remember that my mother didn't own the table, and so I relaxed. That lasted about ten seconds, because then I remembered that my husband was going to kill me. At the same time that that thought went through my head, my brain realized that I had set the bag with the leaking Windex on my wood floor. It just went from bad to worse, and without going into details about my search through the web and my phone conversation with a woman from Windex regarding removing my white circle, know that I have know refused to every allow that product into my home. EVER. How hard is it to tighten a lid? If they can't do that, well, I don't want them.
So, that's my dilemma. No Cinch. No Windex. I went on a tear to find a replacement and came up with Glass Plus. It won out over all the others I purchased and I've been merrily spraying Glass Plus on every mirrored surface in my house. I have them under every sink in my house, and I've been thrilled with the product as my new glass cleaner.
They other day I had to replace some of my Glass Plus. Target did not have it. I didn't panic. Target has gotten a bit big for its britches lately, and doesn't always carry those lower priced items. I went to Walmart. You can guess what's next, right? No Glass Plus. What the hell? It's a conspiracy. The only glass cleaner I can now find at any store is Windex or some plain label cleaner I'm sure is plain worthless.
Windex, the glass cleaner that can rid your home of termites because it eats your wood faster than the little buggers, has taken over the world of glass cleaners. It has destroyed the competition. I might have had a melt down right there in the aisle. I was pulling my hair and muttering things like, "Where is my Glass Plus? How hard is it to keep glass cleaners? What happened to Cinch? Damn it, I want my glass cleaners!" Or words to that effect. All I know is, people were avoiding coming down that aisle. Then I got the idea that I was on some television prank show where they took away my cleaner and were following me around with hidden cameras filming my reactions.
I did finally get myself together. I went home and searched for Glass Plus and Cinch online and discovered that they were just not cutting it in the glass cleaner market. They had been fired. Shoved out of the market by...you guessed it...the evil Windex. But, oh joy for me, I can buy it on the glass cleaner black market. I can buy bulk or by the barrel. I can have Cinch again. Or Glass Plus. God, I love the Internet. But, shhhhhhhh, don't tell anyone. And don't buy Windex.
2017 Update: Jeez, I was a tad manic on this one, huh? I have to admit that I had forgotten all about Cinch. I did, however, find Glass Plus a few years ago at our local Ace Hardware Store. I think I actually danced in the aisle when I did. I go there now to purchase my glass cleaner. Today, after reading this article, I discovered Amazon has Cinch. It's over $11.00 for a bottle, but I can buy it. See, that's how good the stuff was that it is $11.00 for a cleaner that normally costs less than $3.50 on sale. But what I've truly come to the conclusion by in re-reading all of this, is that I need a cleaning woman. One who brings her own supplies. Right?
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