One of my jobs as a SAHM is to meet with all repair personnel and company employees who arrive to give us estimates regarding repair and/or new products. It is a job I don't like because it usually means a lot of technical jargon that makes my eyes roll back into my head and hurts my brain. (The terminology, not that my eyes actually touch my brain). But, being in charge, I have to weed the bad ones from the good ones, and I do this with a little humor that amuses me. If they can handle me and my smart mouth, I figure they can handle the job.
A few weeks ago, during a routine cleaning of the eaves, my husband discovered that the area over our bedroom needed some work--the same place we lost a shingle during the hurricane I recently blogged about from my archives. (Whoa. I don't even let myself think about what kind of power I obviously have in seeing the future)
Immediately, because it is one of those items on his lists to replace, he figured it was time for a new roof. The man has worried about the roof, along with our air conditioner, for the last few years because "it is time." For a man who doesn't believe in expiration dates on food items, he is certainly obsessed with it in regards to other products.
He lined up roofing companies to give an estimate for a repair job on the shingle issue and an estimate for a new roof. He gave me a heads up with the first company and told me he was planning on being home to meet with them, but just in case...
Knowing my husband well, I made sure to be at home when the two guys showed up early. One guy looked about twenty. The other guy looked like a homeless man who'd been sitting all day on a street corner, complete with missing teeth and a scruffy beard. They were polar opposites, and the ragged man let the clean-cut college-aged kid do the talking.
Kid: "Hi, Mrs. B***?"
People never get my name right. I don't blame them. It is spelled like one word but is pronounced like another, so I'm used to it. That doesn't mean that it doesn't annoy me, and I count this as one of my tests.
Me: "Who?"
Kid: "Oh, wait. I thought this was the B*** residence. Let me check my paperwork."
Me: "No, I'm just kidding you. But has that ever happened to you? You know, where you put a roof on the wrong house? That happened once to someone I knew. She came home to find people on her house, tearing off her shingles. Turned out they were on the wrong street. They were supposed to be on Michigan Rd. and instead were on Michigan Blvd. She had a hell of a time getting that fixed."
Kid: "Uh, so, you are, or aren't, Mrs. B***?"
Me: "Who?"
The scruffy guy, currently petting my dog who was sniffing the hell out of his pant legs, burst out laughing.
Kid: "Wait. I'm confused."
Him: "She's messing with you."
Me: "Sorry about that. I thought I'd kill some time while we wait for my husband to get home."
Kid: "Oh, well, I've never put a roof on the wrong house."
Me: "Have you ever fallen off a roof?"
Kid: "I fell off one last week."
Me: "Seriously? How did that happen? You weren't watching where you were going?"
Kid: "Nah. We were throwing roofing materials into the dumpster, and I had one end of this big sheet and forgot to let go as we tossed it. It wasn't a high roof. I landed on my feet."
Me: "You're not very bright, are you, holding on when tossing things into a dumpster?"
His companion burst out laughing again, and I apologized to the kid and told him I was joking. By then, my husband had pulled up, and he took over. I reminded them all not to fall off the roof and left things to the hubby. The two men agreed our roof looked good for "another two or three years" and gave an estimate for fixing the area above our bedroom instead.
Roofing company #2 showed up when I was gone but left tons of brochures, samples of tiles, and an estimate inside my front door. My husband was confused because apparently he'd had a conversation with the guy earlier that day and was told the company wouldn't be in the area today. I nodded, acted interested, and chalked it up to my husband's confusion. While at work, he has a hard time focusing on personal matters via telephone.
The next day, what I thought was roofing company #3, showed up. It was late in the day, and the gentleman, dressed in a company shirt and long pants, looked like a clean-cut, all-American white male.
Man: "Good morning, Mrs. B***?"
Me: "Morning? It's five o'clock. You should be having a cocktail, not climbing around on roofs."
Man: "Sorry about that. Are you Mrs. B***?"
Me: "Who?"
Man: "B***? This is the B*** residence, isn't it? I have (gives address)."
Me: "Yep. I was just kidding around. It's pronounced B***."
Man: "Sorry about that. Tom said you wanted an estimate on a new roof?"
Me: "Tom Who?"
Man: "What?"
Me: "Never mind. Just kidding again. Sure, go ahead. Give me an estimate. Don't fall off the roof, though."
Man: "I won't, but just so you know, we are a fully insured company. Insured and bonded."
He disappeared upstairs and returned about ten minutes later.
Man: "Yeah. Um. I think I've been here before."
Me: "Oh, yeah? We didn't have an affair, did we?" (Okay, maybe I didn't say that, but I sure as heck thought it).
Me: "Okay."
Man: "Was I here? Does Tom want an estimate?"
Me: "I've given up long ago wondering what Tom wants, but if I had to hazard a guess, I'd say yes, if the man called you to come out to look at our roof, he wanted an estimate."
Man: "Well, you definitely need a new roof. This one is shot. And that area over there is bad. Do you know what kind of tile you want? Because I can give you some samples. Do you want blah, blah..." He began spouting out tile sample names that I didn't retain.
Me: "I think you already did that."
Man: "I did?"
Me: "When you were here yesterday? Someone left tons of samples and brochures inside my front door. I'm not sure of the company, but you just said you've been here before."
Man: "I did? Was that this house?"
Me: "You've fallen off a roof recently, haven't you? Like the last guy?"
Man: "Oh, no, ma'am, but if I did, you wouldn't have to worry about that because we are completely insured."
My husband was not amused when I told him that story. He ranted and raved about the guy being an idiot while I nodded and mentioned that I wasn't too keen on the guy myself, although he was fully insured, or so he said. I figured that still needed to be investigated.
Roofing company #3 finally showed up the following evening after five--one guy, who looked about fifteen years old, but he was GOOD LOOKING. I cut him some slack because of that. Maybe too much. I mean, what's good for the goose...
Cutie: "Hi there. Is this the B*** residence? You wanted an estimate on a new roof?"
Me: "It's pronounced B***, and yes, we do."
Cutie: "My bad. Sorry about that. I'll remember that from now on."
Me: "I'm going to hold you to that." Inside my head: "Or, hold you tight." (Hey, stop judging me. I am writing a romance novel. It's hard to turn that crap off).
Cutie: "I'm just going to go up on the roof and do some measuring, and then I'll write up the estimate if that's alright."
Me: "It's alright with me. I'm curious to hear your opinion. We've had some companies tell us the roof is good for another five years."
Cutie: "Well, I'll take a look and let you know."
He disappeared and clomped around on our roof. He had a giant step for a tiny guy as he tromped from one end of my house to the other leaving my dog barking like crazy. He finally rang my bell (no pun intended but it does fit here, huh?) after about fifteen minutes of my dog chasing him through the house from below.
Cutie: "Well, I don't know what those other roofing guys saw, but you need a new roof."
Me: "Really? Damn."
Cutie: "I mean, I would put a new roof on. It's probably what, fifteen or sixteen years old? It's up to you, of course. You could just try to get away with one or two more years, but you put money into repairs too, you know. Is it leaking?"
Me: "No."
Cutie: "Well, again, it's up to you. You could spend a few years putting money into it or bite the bullet and put on a new roof. I'm not sure what you want to do. I just give the estimates. It's up to you either way."
Me: "I hope I can afford you. I mean, it."
Cutie: "Yeah, I knew what you meant. No worries. I get it. Your roof has a few areas that need repair, so if I were you, I'd just think about investing in a new one."
Me: "I'll pass that information on to the big guy."
Cutie: "Yeah, and just so you know, we are a Christian company--been in the area for over twenty years. A good Christian company. My dad owns it."
Me: "I meant my husband when I was referring to the big guy."
Cutie: "Yeah, I know. Oh, you're kidding."
Me: "Wait, did someone already warn you about me?"
Cutie: "What? No, no, no one warned me. You're cool. I like that. I get it. I just bought a house myself. It's a lot of work--a lot of repairs."
Me: "I'm curious, have you ever fallen off of a roof?"
Cutie: "No, I haven't, but one of the guys working for me did. He was an older guy, and it was a windy day, and I told him to secure the ladder. He told me he'd been working on roofs before I was born, and he didn't secure it. He was coming down the ladder, the wind blew it sideways, and he tried to jump. He landed on his feet but shattered his ankle. It was annoying. I told him to secure it. Now he's off of work for six months, and I missed a whole day taking him and hanging with him at the hospital."
Me: "That was nice of you."
Cutie: "It was, but it's my dad's company. It's my job. I'd love to put a new roof on you."
Me: "It."
Cutie: "That's what I meant. We're a good Christian company."
I wasn't sure he'd ever leave, but I give him props for knowing how to work a middle-aged, frumpy housewife. No wonder his dad sent him out to do the estimates.
His estimate was the highest of the three.
Roofing company #4, and I didn't even know there was another one, showed up Friday after ten in the morning. I had just gotten up because I had gone back to bed due to my late morning NCAA basketball binge-watching. (One of the perks of a SAHM with children in school) I wasn't dressed, and I was annoyed my husband hadn't warned me. Hell, I thought we were done with roofers.
I took my time, and when I got to the door and stepped outside, the man had his ladder out and was putting it against the house. He was probably in his late fifties and wearing an FSU hat.
Me: "Hi there. Sorry, I was indisposed."
Roofer: "Oh, sure, that's fine. The email from Tom said he wants an estimate for a roof?"
Me: "Who?"
Roofer: "Tom? I think that's what the email said. He wants an estimate for a new roof."
Me: "I'm just kidding. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night on account I watched basketball until one o'clock."
Roofer: "Ah. I'm a football guy myself."
Me: "Yep. I'm a football gal myself, but it's basketball season now. I'm from Indiana. We do basketball. You into college football?"
Roofer: (pointing to his hat) "Yes."
Me: "I'm into the NFL myself. I'm a Pittsburgh Steelers fan."
Roofer: "I noticed that driving in."
He told me he would check the roof, write up an estimate, and the whole thing would take about thirty minutes. He was knocking on my door in ten.
Roofer: "So, the email said you wanted an estimate for an aluminum roof too? I gotta tell you, the flat roof back there is perplexing me. What did you want to do with that?"
Me: "Uh, yeah, I have no idea about that. Let me call the big guy because I'm not going to remember anything you're about to tell me due to my late night and fuzzy brain. This way, the big guy won't get mad at me for not remembering whatever you're going to say because you'll tell him directly."
I called my husband, who didn't know anything about another roofer. They conversed, and vaguely, Tom remembered emailing a company two weeks ago.
Roofer: "Okay, then, so I'll show these pictures to my boss and see what he has to say, and I'll get you those estimates. I'm sorry about that. Okay. Sure. Thanks. I'm going to give your wife back the phone because this keeps buzzing, so I think she's getting a call."
Me: "It's probably my boyfriend. He'll call back."
Roofer: "Yep, you heard that huh? Okay, thanks." He hung up and gave me my phone. "Your husband laughed at the boyfriend joke."
Me: "It was my daughter. She's texting me scholarship information. She's about to graduate."
Roofer: "My son just graduated. He moved to California. Exciting for him but hard for us with him so far away. But he's got to live his life."
Me: "I've got one in NC at college and one in high school, leaving the nest in August. Two tuitions. I wasn't expecting a roof expense on top of that!"
Roofer: "You know you don't really need a new roof, don't you? That's a thirty-year-old roof you've got up there, and I bet it's about twenty years old. Sure, it's got some wear and tear, but that's normal for twenty years. I've got to tell you that roof looks good."
Me: "But we've had other roofers tell us it looked god awful."
Roofer: "Those are companies that want to sell you a new roof. I mean, if you're going to sell this house and they're insisting on a new roof, okay, but if not, well, you got another five years or more in that roof. It isn't leaking, is it?"
Me: "No. We have an area over the bedroom. That's how this all started."
He hadn't noticed that, and so, he went back up. He talked to my husband again on the phone. Came back down.
Roofer: "I missed that. Glad I didn't walk too close to that area when I measured."
Me: "Have you ever fallen off a roof?"
Roofer: "Nah. I stay pretty alert. Have to in this business. The heat gets to you most of the time. That's why we start early and cut out at two o'clock. People don't get that, but then again, they aren't up on a roof."
Me: "I know the feeling. I spent my career in aquatics in a lifeguard stand."
Roofer: "Did you ever fall off the lifeguard stand?"
Me: "I see what you did there. Nice one. No, I never fell off the stand although I did have to jump off of it a few times"
Roofer: "There you go--experts in our fields. I'll get this to my boss and get back to Tom with the estimate. Still want me to give an estimate on a new roof too?"
Me: "Might as well."
Roofer: "Okay, but you don't need it. I try to tell people that. I just came from a guy who we put a roof on in 1999. I told him he doesn't need a new roof. I'm telling you the same thing. Those other guys telling you differently? They just want to make money selling you a roof."
Me: "I appreciate it. Thanks a bunch. You're a good guy."
Roofer: "I try to be. Have a good day."
My vote for the work goes to roofer #4.
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