Summing it all up

Once upon a time when marriages occurred followed by children, our families spent holidays together every other year. That way we got to celebrate with one side of the family at least once every two years. It worked well, at least for me, until life made changes. Because the matriarch of Tom's side of the family lives here in Florida, his family tries to gather every year to celebrate with her. My family continues the every other year because it works for us. This was the year when everyone congregated in Florida, and while it's wonderful to have everyone here it is stressful and chaotic due to a few differences:

1. Everyone is spread out. Tom's nephews stay with us at our house. The rest of his family is spread out north of us, approximately thirty minutes away. My family stays on the beach. My house would make for a central location of gathering, putting both families together, but it is too small for even a night of entertaining. Tom's family totals 22 alone!
2. Modes of transportation are limited. It is easier now that the teenagers (mostly adults now) drive, but there is still a lack of vehicles when everyone wants to spread out. Tom's nephews needed to be with Grandma and their parents on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day so we loaned them Darcy's car because driving them up north and back wasn't an option that fit. When the nephews were here we had to take my van to the beach house because it fits everyone and usually parking is minimal. My family rents a car, but if we went somewhere together we had to take two cars. Tom's family has Grandma's car and a rental car, but with twenty plus people spread out in different areas, it isn't enough. 
3. We are on opposite schedules. My family goes to bed early and wakes early. That hasn't been a scenario in our house since the girls became teenagers. Add in the two nephews and one girlfriend and we were lucky to get to bed before three every night which meant we slept until ten o'clock or later. Getting five "adults" ready to leave in a two bathroom house was certainly a chore and so we usually wandered over to the beach by lunchtime having just eaten breakfast.
4. Never enough time. Christmas on Sunday. Adults with jobs. College kids. School schedules. Travel discounts. All of that crammed together made a week seem even shorter. While we got to spend quality time with one nephew, we hardly had time to spend with the other nephew who also added his girlfriend into the midst. We had only one night with all of Tom's family, and with a list of things to accomplish while together there wasn't time to socialize or catch up. With my family, we had a little more time, but everyone seemed to be off in different areas whether running, soaking up the beach, or playing games and cards. 

A handful of relatives left this morning. My family flew home. Tom's sister, one nephew and the girlfriend set off driving north. Our house is eerily quiet. I spent last night lying in bed wondering how it was all over so quickly and regretting all of the things I feel I didn't get to say or do. As we all age it seems harder. Children growing up, leaving the nest, and getting jobs is hard enough for some of us to deal with, but as I age I wonder how many more of these holidays do I have left? 

At our Christmas gift exchange with Tom's family, my MIL and my SIL played gave a little concert. Listening to my SIL play her cello brought tears to my eyes. Thirteen years ago she was fighting for her life, and as she sat there pulling her bow across the strings, I relived some of those days and that first Christmas we had her home after brain surgery, and I thought how it is so important that we do get together for these moments no matter the difficulties, the sleep depravity, and the chaos. And then I decided too that I would make a greater attempt at visiting relatives throughout the year and not just rely on the end of the year or every other year visits. And I'm going to start with writing down the topics I meant to get to this year so that I can cram it all in and not have regrets.

Here's to hoping that happens in the new year!