Gene pool

Not long ago while on the phone with my SIL I made the comment about how women tend to marry men like their fathers. I've been thinking about that saying. First of all, my brother is nothing like Susan's father at first glance, and we giggled over the thought that he might be, but the more I truly examined it I realized he has a lot of his father in law's traits, but unfortunately not the ones like the ability to repair any object or the wherewithal to want to fix things to make his family's life easier.

I researched this subject a bit. Seems I'm not the only one gnawing over this tidbit. Research on the very topic has been conducted, and it isn't only that men tend to marry their mothers and women tend to marry their fathers. Apparently, familiarity means we could end up looking for a partner that resembles either one of our parents.

This didn't surprise me because right after the conversation with my SIL my husband did something that caused me to tell him he was acting like my mother, and it was this statement that turuly had me investigating the thought further. It makes sense, of course. Most of us spend the first half of our lives with our parents and gravitating toward an individual with familiar traits of the people who helped shape us is certainly human nature. We can look for someone similar to our parents to recreate our history or we can choose someone to rewrite our history, depending on our past relationships with our own parents. It isn't a forgone conclusion that people do marry their parents, but it isn't just a crazy saying either.

Recently, I came across a word I didn't know, and since it wasn't on my Kindle app where I could touch it and immediately learn its meaning, I asked my husband if he knew what the word meant. He did. He always knows. I've never heard the word, never heard him use it, yet he knew it. I asked him how he knew it, and he shrugged. My mother was exactly like that. She was the smartest person I knew. The woman seriously knew everything, and if she came across something she didn't know she would look it up. Her response to my question of how she knew that word was to tell me she read. That always annoyed me because I read as much as she did, but my brain didn't retain knowledge like hers. My oldest daughter has this same ability.

He also reminds me of my father at times. He has his sense of humor and he has the ability to repair home appliances and work on cars (although I would give my dad a big edge in that department). He does not have my dad's talkative ways. My husband is quiet. I'm not. His father was quiet. His mother isn't. People have always pointed that out to us, and my MIL and I like to say that the men chose us for this very reason. We pulled them out of their shells and we pipe up and speak for them when necessary. So, I suppose I resemble his mother?

I have two friends who remind me of my parents. I've said that since I met them, and yesterday while at my weekly breakfast with the male friend, Jim, his daughter called. She had to call me since Jim's ancient flip cell phone is broken, but she needed him to bring her some items that she had left at home. She was at her mother's house and on her way to North Carolina in an hour. Immediately, he agreed and we had to hurry through breakfast because he needed to pack up the things and hike over to give them to her. He never complained or told her she could buy those items along the drive as his ex-wife or I would have done. He just said yes, and did it.

It made me think of my dad. He did that ALL of the time. He never griped or argued with us if we needed something. I've seen him drive hours out of his way to help my aunt winter proof her house, and once he drove like six hours through a snow storm to get to my brother whose car had broken down on the highway. These actions were the reason why I always called my dad first. I think that's why I enjoy hanging out with Jim. He's everything good that my dad was, and so I'm thinking that we unconsciously choose friends this way too.

My hairdresser told me how her mother in law dying has turned her husband into a person she doesn't recognize, and I explained to her, someone who has not lost either parent, that losing the second parent is SO different than that first loss. Since my parents have died I've spent a lot of down time thinking about my parents and recognizing both of them in myself. There is the good and the not so good of both of them in me, and while I use to freak out about it, I'm coming to terms with it. This research helped in many ways. We can't escape it. We live with it, see it, adapt it. Discovering this earlier would have been nice, however, since I could have worked harder at tailoring the good.

Next time my kids call wanting me to drive something to them I'm going to do it without complaint because while I've channeled my dad and done that numerous times, I've also channeled my mother, complained and then reminded them constantly of my good deed. What can I say? It's in the genes. Just look at your spouse, or your friend, or your partner.