Just Pop the Damn Pill in my Mouth

I have a personal pharmacist who keeps me supplied with my bp medication. The only problem is my pharmacist brought me 100 mg of the meds, and I only take 50 mg.

Her: "So cut them in half."

My mother, who would willingly take my free 100 mg and cut them into fourths since she needs only 25 mg of the same meds, said the same thing.

Mom: "Just cut them in half."

Husband: "Cut them in half. What's the big deal?"

Well, for one, I'm not a pharmacist. I like that my local Target pharmacy gives me my pills whole in a cute little bottle with my name on it. I love that these pills are complete and small and easy to go down. The fact that they cost $25 for 30 pills is the only reason I have sought out a personal pharmacist and am willing to swallow half of a jagged-edged tablet. 

So in following their suggestion to cut the pill in half, I got out a paring knife and lay the tablet on the cutting board. 

Husband: "What are you doing? You can't use that knife. You need the butcher knife to cut that."

Me: "A butcher knife? My god, this pill is tiny."

Husband: "Doesn't matter. It will work better. Trust me." 

So, out came the butcher knife. I placed it into the groove down the middle of the pill, and I pressed down. 

Husband: "No, no, that isn't right. You have to put your left hand at the top while your right-hand holds it here at the bottom. Gently push down at the same time."

Me: "How about you show me, Mr. Big-Guy-Master-Pillcutter-Extraordinaire."

He took the knife, putting his right hand on top like he suggested. Gently he cut the pill in half. I examined the medicine. Overall, not bad except one side had a jagged area I'm sure to choke on.

Husband: "Now, you try."

I took the knife and imitated him.

Husband: "What are you doing? I told you the right hand should be at the bottom."

I followed his instructions, and he approved, nodding for me to continue. I did so. Nothing happened. I pressed harder. Nada.

Husband: "What are you doing?" 

I ignored him and pressed as hard as I could with my right hand.

WHOMP! The pill broke into two pieces, one of which flew across the room. The other half fell to the floor, coming to rest beside my shoe. 

The cut, however, was perfect — no choking, jagged edges. 

Husband: "What are you doing?" 

Investing in a pill cutter, that's what I'm doing.