Land of the Homeowner's Board

I read the paper every day. The first half is read while eating my Lucky Charms, and the other half I read while eating lunch following my work out. At the beginning of the week, there was an article about a Citrus County homeowner's association that wanted a fellow neighbor to remove a 5-foot eagle statue he had in his front yard.

The association sent a letter that said the eagle was a structure and structures required Board approval. When the couple argued that the $800 eagle was not a structure, the Board countered back with a letter that said the statue was "unsightly." According to the deed restrictions, the Board had the power to require homeowners to remove any icons they regard "unsightly.

What? Are you kidding me?

I was once a member of our homeowner's association. An agreement I made during a weak moment at a party which happened to be my first social interaction since having a baby two months prior. Getting out of the house one night a month with other adults sounded terrific, and so I agreed to come aboard.

I thought I was only writing the association newsletter. Turns out, I agreed to be the treasuer in addition to the editor, photographer, journalist, and mailer of the newsletter. The Board consisted of neighbors who'd been serving for years, not because they gave a hoot for the neighborhood. It was more about policing the other hooters in our community and making sure they didn't upset the status quo.

Our Board was very laid back. We rarely cited anyone unless violations were reported by someone. We had several long-time neighbors who patrolled the subdivision for violators, providing us with a list of said violations. It always made me roll my eyes on how they found it necessary to report on their neighbors without first talking to them.

How hard was that? Your neighbor is parking his motor home on his lawn past the seventy-two time period allotted? Remind him of it instead of writing a tattletale note to the Board!

We did so on my street. Our street never had any reports to the Board because we talked. My next-door neighbor was the king of getting us to respond to violations. He would slyly volunteer to help us "cut those bushes which are quickly growing past the association's six-foot. height requirement." We C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-E-D. Amazing how quickly we cut our bushes.

But the Board's way of dealing with violators was not face to face. Nor did we actually check on the violation. Instead, we took the reporter at his word, and we sent a letter to the offender telling him to cease, or we would release the association hounds. You can imagine how well that went over. We had threats. Angry neighbors showing up to meetings. Lawsuits.

I quit after enduring seven years of nonsense. My favorite? Two neighbors who always fought over minimal issues until both put up cameras to spy on the other. No kidding. Cameras aimed at one another, so there would be photo proof of the violations.

Now, I just read about crazy neighbors and associations in the paper longing for the days of my childhood where neighbors knew not only the names, birth dates, jobs and lives of their neighbors, but also of their parents and other family members.

We had get-together picnics without permits. We allowed free expression with statues and flags. When a neighbor was sick and unable to mow his lawn, another neighbor did it for him. If someone needed a babysitter, another neighbor volunteered. New neighbors were welcomed with baked goods, and children welcomed other children by suggesting a basketball game.

A Board did not tell us how to behave. We were neighborly on our own.

Ah, the good old days.