The incident

One of the things that was on my list this summer was getting the girls appointments to have various things done like hair cuts and doctor visits.  During the school year it is almost impossible to do anything besides braces adjustments so I kept telling the girls to tough through whatever issues they were having and we would take care of it in the summer.

One of the main things on the list was visiting a dermatologist.  My pediatrician recommended someone, but I had the name of someone else and the pediatrician was agreeable with that having heard good things in regard to my person. I called and made an appointment.  Because it would have been August before I could see the doctor herself I took a July appointment with the nurse practitioner.  I filled out all of the paperwork online and arrived at our scheduled day full of excitement that maybe I too would go to this new office along with my mother.  The appointments were 15 minutes apart, but as always when the girls have same day appointments we were ushered into the same room.  It will be the last time I do this.

First of all, the room was very large with the exam chair almost out of ear shot from the seating area where I was placed.  The assistant sat at a computer and asked me questions I had already filled out online.  Darcy was seated in the chair first.  She had a bump on her chest that had been there for quite some time ("My whole life") and had recently, after a bout of sunburn, added a ring around the raised area.  Secondly, the practitioner came in and talked directly to my daughter, which is nice that they think she is old enough to deal with issues, but I'm still in charge of this kid until she turns 18 and I make the decisions.  As the practitioner talked, the assistant tapped away on her computer and then asked me more questions.  Questions I HAD ALREADY FILED OUT ONLINE.  It was hard to concentrate on both people at the same time.  Next thing I knew they were prepping Darcy to remove the bump.  "Just to be safe."

She was a champ.  The practitioner asked if she wanted me to hold her hand or her sister.  Darcy replied, "I'm good."  I told them that Darcy was my tough one.  The procedure took about three minutes and then Darcy was beside me on the bench and Madison was in the chair.  Again we went through the same scenario as above.  My head was whirling with all of this talking and I just felt like it was too hard to deal with both girls at the same time.  By the time the practitioner was walking out of the room I was still confused about everything that had just happened.  Prescriptions on stuff had been sent to my pharmacy without me really understanding all of it because she had talked through it all with Madison.  Darcy's facial cremes were handed to me at the desk with a bill.  It was just crazy.  We spent about ten minutes at the desk checking out.  Darcy had gone to the bathroom and returned.  We gathered all of our stuff and exited the building.

Of course it was hot and the sun beat down upon us as we exited.  For some reason, I have no memory of why, I turned around to my left.  I must have been checking traffic before stepping off the curb and as I always do I looked for the girls.  Madison was on my right side, but Darcy was on my left and I glanced at her.  She was walking and then suddenly she just stopped.  She was staring straight ahead of her and seriously, her eyes were just dead looking.  She said in a slow and stunned voice, her eyes not moving.  "I...I...I can't see."

Of course, my first reaction was a slight annoyance.  "What?  Darcy, seriously?  What?  You can't see?"  And again she stumbled, her eyes still staring out at nothing.  She said again.  "I'm...I...I can't see.  I can't see."  And she went to put out a hand like you do when walking through a dark room as if to feel your way around.  I knew she wasn't joking and I forgot all about everything at that moment.

Those of you who know my family, and those of you who have been reading this blog since the beginning know about my sister-in-law and her multiple brain aneurysms.  For those who don't I'll give the quick version.  In 2004 my sister-in-law, Tom's sister, had several unknown aneurysms burst on one side of her brain.  She was airlifted to Tampa where she underwent brain surgery and then rehabilitation.  Several months later she had to have another brain surgery on the other side of the brain to tie off more aneurysms that were discovered when the first ones burst.  It was a long and tedious time for all of the family, but Julie defied the odds and recovered nicely.  I kept a blog about Julie's surgeries and recoveries that has since been deleted, but I wrote a blip here and here. She went on to have another child and lives a normal life with minimal complications.  After this happened it was suggested that all of the siblings have brain scans.  Everyone's scan came back clear. 

This was what played through my mind when my daughter said she had suddenly gone blind.  Then her legs buckled and I caught her as she started to fall.  I panicked.  I helped her inside the building and shouted at the people to call 911.  Madison, use to this scene by now with Grandma, whipped out her phone and stood ready to do so.  The staff was excellent.  They came running, and at that moment I stopped panicking and shoved Darcy's head down toward the ground.  Five seconds of that and she stood up and said, "I'm good."  She meant that she had her eye sight back, but her face was completely devoid of color.  A chair was shoved under her and I put her head back down again.  The doctor and a nurse appeared and they carried her back into a room where she was placed on a chair that tilted her head down and her feet up.  That is when I noticed the band-aid on her chest and it all made sense.  The staff had cool compresses on her, were fanning her, and gave her water, and when I learned that Darcy had not eaten that morning they brought her food.  Within a minute the color was back in her face.  We stayed that way for 15 minutes and then they raised her a tad for 10 minutes and then sat her completely up for another 10 minutes before we were able to try to exit again.

I held it together.  I joked to the people still waiting in the waiting room who had witnessed the incident.  I drove to a restaurant and made my kids eat.  Then I drove to my mom's, told her the story, and totally lost it.  I shook for over an hour.  I sobbed and sobbed.  That's what Mommy's do.  They listen and comfort and my mom is very good at both.  So are my girls.  It took me three days to recover and not see that terrible face of Darcy's every time I closed my eyes.  Darcy is fine.  She is making sure that she eats something every few hours now.  She knows to stand up slowly now from a seated position.  I, too, had this problem as a kid, once passing out in my bedroom and waking up with my head on my stereo.  I still have it sometimes.  Now I just have to watch it for her as well.

Ah, parenthood.  I'm thankful that everything turned out well and that it was minor.  There are so many children and parents out there fighting more.  I think about all of them every night before I go to sleep.  I am lucky and blessed.  I know that.  It still doesn't make parenting any easier, but I wouldn't trade it all for anything.  Of course, I had to color the gray that sprouted out after that incident, but hey, that's doable and easy.