Drama and friendship

When Darcy was in middle school, she overheard a conversation I was having with a friend on the phone. I don't remember the gist of the conversation, but it involved a relationship with another friend and some trouble within our mother's group. Darcy was horrified.

Darcy: "Do you mean to tell me that this girl drama continues as ADULTS? I was hoping this was just a middle school thing."

Sorry kid. Relationships--all relationships--are messy. It only stops when the relationship is over.

I'm reminded of this daily as I navigate through the perils and joy of friendships.

I tend to keep my friend list short. Groups were never more than a handful. Relationships with good friends happened individually or in twos, and as time and life intervened, came and went. The great ones--those that no matter how much time has passed between visits, are picked up right where they have left it as if zero time has passed--those I still hold near and dear to my heart. I can count the number on one hand.

I've lost friends. Some through death. Some that faded slowly and vanished. Others that ended abruptly and without warning. All have been mourned. I've been told I rehash relationships much longer than the other person, and while I believe communication is vital, many times, I've been too afraid of the repercussions of opening a can of worms. So instead, I blame myself and go back over things until I drive myself crazy.

I've made plenty of mistakes. I have faults, despite my humor in saying I'm always right. I don't have the answers, but I sure try to help. More so than I'm probably needed, but I've lived a charmed life, and maybe, just maybe, that's why I gravitate toward friends who haven't. I'm a good listener. Unfortunately, I take after my mother. I want to solve the problems.

When Darcy made the comment above, I told her the secret was finding friends who gave as much as they got. Real friends are there in your times of trouble as you are there for theirs. If you're lucky, you have a handful. If not, all it takes is one.

Darcy: "It still doesn't cut down on the drama, though, right?"

Nope, but if it's still standing after the fires are extinguished, you've got yourself some gold.