Happy Birthday to me

This is part of an email I received, and I thought it appropriate since today is my birthday. The email was titled Girlie Wisdom:

1. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills. She has 14 kids but doesn't really care.


2. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.


3. The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.


4. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.


5. Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.


6. I gave up jogging when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my pants.


7. Ever notice how you hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes?


8. Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say, "You know sometimes I forget to eat!" Now I've forgotten my address, my keys, my mother's maiden name, but I can honestly say I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget that!


9. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.


10. I read an article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are you kidding me? That's my idea of a perfect day!