Back into the groove that was never a groove

I made the mistake of standing on a scale at the beginning of the week. I have been in mourning ever since. Somehow, and I have no idea, I gained six pounds. Six pounds. The last time I stood on the scale I weighed four pounds less than normal, which if you count that time means I gained ten pounds. Luckily, for me I felt that four pounds was a fluke, possibly eye strain or a malfunction of the scale, and so I didn't count it. So....six pounds.

I have never been this heavy. EVER. Not even when I was pregnant with my twins. What? You didn't know about them? Whatever. In my mind I've had five kids and I tell that to people any time weight is mentioned because it makes me feel better. When my kids were little they use to give me up, but now they aren't usually with me when I talk about the three kids they have no idea I had.

I always thought I was a big girl. I remember moaning about being fat from the moment I hit my teenage years. This is, unfortunately, the norm. All girls, no matter their body type, go through this nonsense. Now I know it isn't my fault, but the media's and society at large. But back then I didn't know that, and so I spent most of my time worrying endlessly about my body image. Then in my thirties I gained weight. Add two kids and I gained more weight. It wouldn't come off. No matter what I did it wouldn't come off. The last straw for me, was menopause, or my mother's death, I'm not sure which is to blame for this last chunk of fat. One moment I was this weight, the next I was tipping the scales at a weight I had never been before.

What was even worse, was watching video of me back in the day when I thought I was fat. Guess what? I was awesome! I wasn't fat at all. I was skinny. At least compared to what I am now. I was skinny, looked great in a bathing suit, had muscular arms, and had great hair. If I do say so myself. I couldn't believe it. Oh, and I was young looking. Gotta add that one too. That image of me is ingrained in my memory now, and that is what made the added six pounds even worse. 

Couple this weight gain with the fact that I think my blood pressure is higher than normal sent me back to the gym. I haven't been there since early December, and I've forgotten what my excuses were back then, but I avoided the gym in January because it is always crowded with those people who make new year's resolutions to get back to the gym. Whereas, people like me, then are forced to put up with them on our normal equipment taking up space and my time. So I didn't go until I knew those people had given up.

I went every day to the gym this week. Every day. I haven't done that in probably eight years since I had a workout buddy. The odd thing is I like going once I'm there. I enjoy the feeling I have after it is all over. My back already feels better just from moving. I'm sleeping better at night. I don't feel as tired in the morning. The only problem I see with all of this is that I'm hungrier. So I worked hard at eating things like carrots and drinking smoothies made of yogurt and fruit. 

Today I woke up and realized that this will have to be my lifestyle for the long haul. That a week of doing this isn't going to magically shed my weight. Monday I'll have to climb back on to that scale and no matter what it says I've got to keep on working. That thought put me right back to sleep. Obviously, I needed it. Well, that and mothering five kids.