Archives 2004 - My FREE television

November 5, 2004

My mother had her condo redecorated this summer. She purchased a new entertainment center for the bedroom, and then decided that her 19" television was too small for the new center. She informed me that she would need a new television, and I immediately took dibs on the old 19" television before my brother could do so. I agreed to take the old stand too.

Having agreed to help my mother out in her time of need, I promptly set about rearranging my house to accommodate the new furniture. I got rid of the stereo stand I've had since college. I moved our 27" television out of our bedroom and into the playroom with the thought that the new 19" TV would go into our bedroom.

Today I went to pick up the TV. I carried it down two flights of stairs, held it alone while my mother's friend Juanita fumbled with my car keys trying to get my back hatch unlocked and opened.  I placed it lovingly inside my van, wrapped it with towels, and then drove the fifteen miles home at a speed not exceeding 25 mph so that my precious cargo would not fall over. I made it safely home.

The kids and I jumped out of the van and unloaded our small belongings. My husband met us at the front door while talking on the telephone. I figured bringing the television through the front door made more sense than through the garage, and because he was on the phone, and because I obviously had something to prove, I went to move the television myself. I mean, hello, I HAD done all of the moving of the television through the bedroom, through the condo, down two flights of stairs, and into the van BY MYSELF. I didn't need no stinkin' man.

Tom: "Hold on, and I'll help you with that."

Please. I reached into the van, grabbed the TV, lifted it up and out of the van. I turned toward the front door and my husband, and promptly dropped the whole damn FREE television on to my driveway. The plastic piece around the bottom of the television just broke off and my hands had nothing to grab, and KAPOW! It sounded as if a bomb or a shotgun had gone off in the neighborhood. My neighbor across the street was on her way out of her front door when I dropped it. The 19" FREE television burst into, and I'm not making this up, one thousand tiny pieces. I yelled, "God Dammit", and my neighbor quietly turned around and went back inside her house. I stood there in utter belief.

I really wanted that television. I had plans for that television. I was in love with that 19" FREE TV. Now it was in a thousand pieces in my driveway, glass everywhere, and what was left of the TV had wires hanging out of it.

Tom: "When you break something, you really do it well."

I stood in the middle of my driveway, hunched over the thousands of pieces of my FREE television an sobbed and sobbed. Tom hugged me, trying not to laugh. Then it hit me. Nothing in life is FREE.