I get it, Mom

My mother constantly worried about my brother. He never went to the doctor and she would ask me why he was so stubborn. She offered to pay for him to go to a dentist. Then she worried about his jobs. Once when she was bemoaning his lack of taking care of himself I lost it.

Me: "Mom! Seriously. He is a grown man in his forties. It isn't your job to take care of him. Stop worrying about him. He doesn't appreciate it and he'll do what he wants to do."

She responded by reminding me that she was his mother and just because he was an adult didn't mean she stopped worrying.

The night before last our house phone rang at 1:00 a.m. It was a jarring jingle that set my heart racing at rapid speed and immediately, although I knew it not to be true, I thought of my mother. We had many phone calls like this in the night from neighbors, hospitals, and even my mom herself. Those resulted in me frantically dressing and driving thirty minutes north to the rescue. We had a call in the night when my FIL fell. Calls in the night are never good.

As my sleeping brain reminded me these calls weren't about my mom, my next thought was my MIL. Going down the list of the elderly. My heart started beating even faster as my husband answered the call with a hello. I listened, but all he said was "yes" and my brain went nuts. Didn't he tell me that he had an on-call coming up? Is this a work-related call? Is this the week he is on call? Why wouldn't he remind me if this is the week? Would could have happened to his mother? We just saw Mary Anne. Please let it be work. Please let it be work.

It was work. He is on call this week. He muttered some mumbo-jumbo regarding electrical technical stuff, rolled out of bed and disappeared off to his desk to put out the fire. I went to the bathroom and threw water on my face and attempted to regulate my heart rate. I took deep breaths. In and out. Then I had a thought...

My kids are not in this house. That call could have been about them! I realized that from now on they too would join the list of my MIL in night time calls. Because as long as they were tucked in their beds in my house, I never thought of them. But they aren't here. They are out in the world on their own and NOT IN MY HOUSE.

And just like that, I realized that yep, Mom, I get it. I truly get it.