Psst...listen

Someone on social media reposted an entry about depression and SAHM's. It wasn't anything new to this retired SAHM, and I mentally checked off the items as they were listed. Isolation, check. Loss of identity, check. Exhaustion, check. Another entry in a long list of things in a SAHM's life. The shit storm that the entry created by being reposted, however, is what has me writing this entry. It was HUGE.

Some of the biggest detractors and responses were unhelpful things such as "you chose to do this so stop complaining or do something about it and go back to work". There was also the responses from the working mothers who felt the need to defend their decision on working and to remind the SAHMs of all the things they go through by having done so.

Wow. I read and read and then I sat back and thought. Why is it that people don't listen? Here was a woman reaching out on social media, a site where her followers are her "friends", asking for some help and/or some compassion. She wasn't asking for a debate or slamming working parents for her choice. She was seeking an understanding. Instead, she got flogged. Yikes.

When did we become a "me" world? What happened to the days of people helping others? I sound more and more like my own parents as I age, but darn it, they were right. My mother before she died told me that the future in this country was going to hell in a handbasket. She told me that for my kids' sake I had better start fighting because the world that was coming for them wasn't going to be one that would be kind. Obviously, the woman was a prophet.

I've had to learn to adapt to changes. Life evolves and strides are made in all areas and change is inevitable. I'm learning to accept that, but I certainly am not going to accept the parts of humanity that are destroying my kids' future. Social media is an outlet today. A way to reach out and ask for help. You don't have to agree with that statement. You don't have to use social media in that way, but the new generation is going to. It's their world. I know someone who asked if anyone had a washer and dryer that they wanted to sell and she ended up in two minutes of throwing that out there on social media to having a like-new washer and dryer for free. No one commented on her doing that. No one berated her for asking for it. Asking for goods or putting your house for sale via social media is okay, but asking for compassion isn't?

Kids are being bullied. Students are being inundated with pressures that are too great. Racism is still an issue. The political sides are screaming so loudly their faces are permanently stained. Yet, the bottom line is no one is LISTENING. Everyone wants to chime in with his own thoughts and views on subjects instead of listening to the other side. We immediately jump in with our defensiveness instead of taking the time to hear what the topic is, what the problem is, what the person is asking for. We've become a country of me, me, me-ers. It's sad.

 “When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” ― Ernest Hemingway

If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. Proverbs 18:13 

“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.” 

― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

“Sometimes all a person wants is an empathetic ear; all he or she needs is to talk it out. Just offering a listening ear and an understanding heart for his or her suffering can be a big comfort.” --Roy T. Bennett

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; --James 1:19

I'm a talker. I'm working hard on listening. I use to be better about it, but as I age I'm more like my mother, I feel the need to solve problems. Sometimes that isn't what is needed. Most of the time people just want someone to hear what they are saying. To have the other person nod and say, "I hear you." No judgment. No aggression. No daggers. No shaking heads.

I chose to stay off of Facebook, checking in once every two weeks or so. I prefer to see what my "friends" are up to as opposed to what they believe and unfortunately, my feed is more the latter so I just don't go there. That's my choice. But when I am on there and I do see a post like the one the SAHM posted I will read it, listen to what is being said, and offer an ear if the person needs to talk more. It's a lesson we could all learn. The old way of doing things in the new world.