The perils of parenting

As I sat down to write my entry today, my feed appeared first and a story caught my eye. It was written by a woman whose thirteen-year-old son was killed by a gun while spending the night at a friend's house. She is part of a program called the ASK Campaign, Asking Saves Lives and she is speaking out about her son's death in 2011 to remind parents to question the adults around their children regarding gun safety. BAM. This was exactly the type of thing I was planning on writing about in today's entry.

As a mom, I spend ninety percent of my parenting protecting my children. It started with the baby proofing of the house before they could crawl, plastic protectors in the outlets, door latches on the cabinets we deemed dangerous and continues today even as they navigate adulthood. I make sure the car is repaired and constantly give reminders; to pay bills, to lock doors, to keep their eyes peeled at night, etc. I was one of those parents who asked about gun safety. Because in our area a child was killed just like the woman in the article and so I added that to my list of questions no matter how close in friendship I was with them.

I was raised in the Midwest and guns were as much a part of my world as a basketball. Not that my brother and I went around shooting them (guns, not basketballs, those we did shoot), but my father was a hunter and he and my mother owned guns. We were taught how to shot at a young age and we were taught gun safety. The guns were kept unloaded and where we couldn't reach them. Later in life, my father kept them locked in a gun cabinet. Because I was a kid who paid attention to rules, I followed the rules my parents' laid down in terms of their guns. My brother? Yeah, he would've been the one who showed another kid his dad's guns innocently.

Knowing this, and knowing that my children would be around guns when visiting my Midwestern families, I taught them about guns. We talked about the right to bear arms, the reasons people might have guns, their responsibilities of gun ownership, and the dangers of guns. I taught them to run if they saw one, to come and get me, and together we would make sure all was safe. If they were at someone's house, they were to run to an adult if I wasn't there. It was how I thought to handle it when they were toddlers and youngsters. Both of my children knew the story of what had happened not far from our house. I believed in being honest so that they knew the what could happen. 

Of course, today guns are a part of their world. They've learned what to do if a gun-wielding shooter appeared on their school grounds. It's now a part of freshman college orientation for heaven's sake. As are the drugs and liquor which was how I was going to start today's entry. I've taught my kids the same regarding those two items as I did the guns. Heck, it's been drilled into their heads since the early days of school. They wore the red ribbons and colored Say No To Drugs posters. They know the dangers, the stories, and I once took them to a body exhibit where they saw what it did to the human body. They've heard stories from adults whose lives were changed from both alcohol and recreational drugs. They've lived through an experience from one of our own family members. I've been diligent on that topic as I was with the guns, and yes, I had no qualms about asking parents if liquor was a part of a teenage party my kids were attending.

But now they are young adults and out in this crazy world, and I've got to tell you, I'm still surprised at how much alcohol and drugs play a factor in their lives. What is it about this stuff that thrills young adults? It's like a rite of passage as soon as they leave the nest, and I'm shocked at how nonchalant parents are regarding the stuff. I know one parent who encouraged her daughter to get out there and try it all, buying her the marijuana and giving her a box of condoms at graduation. What? When did we all get that lazy attitude, that well, we did it and kids will be kids mentality?

I'm not naive but the parenting and the thrill these kids get out of partaking is mind-boggling. First, because it is illegal, and I don't care how much you gripe about how stupid those laws are they are the laws. Did parents let their kids drive on the highway before they were legal?

I'm not naive when it comes to my kids. Learning is about experiencing and peer pressure is a bitch no matter how strong your beliefs. Right now, my daughters aren't interested, and yes, I can say that with confidence. Neither enjoys the taste of alcohol and neither has an interest in drugs. My oldest doesn't see the point of being out of control or harming her body. Her sister believes she doesn't need it to have fun, worries about the dangers, and probably dreads me ever finding out. She's the one who worries about her friends, gives them her number to call if necessary, and has me concerned she'll be driving the city at two o'clock in the morning collecting idiots from nightclubs and parties.

Last night, my youngest went off to a pool get-together for swimming. I asked and she assured me there would be liquor. Ugh. Two things together that make me shiver; liquor and water. I've pulled a few out of a pool as they floundered. I know how easy it is to drown. It's a potential disaster. Even knowing that she wouldn't be partaking, I sent her off with trepidation and that feeling that I should go with her, yell at the others, remind them of the harm, clear the path to her safety. Ask if there were guns in the house while I was at it. Why must these "kids" yearn to experience this side of life?

The woman in the article feels guilty she didn't ask about guns, that she thought everyone was a responsible gun owner like herself. Hell yes, she does. Parents blame themselves when it all goes wrong. It's why we spend more time than not making sure that it doesn't go wrong. And sure, deep down we know we can't always be there, can't keep them tied up in the bedcovers in their rooms, but it doesn't mean we can turn it all off either.

So, I just keep reminding them of the dangers. Drilling it in their heads; stay alert, be smart, follow the law. I stayed up last night until the youngest returned home. She still talks to me so I heard about the night, the drinking, the kid who brought in the dope to smoke, and how she and her friend had to drive a girl home because she couldn't herself. Then I slept soundly, readying myself for the parenting of the next day.