Sorrow...

This is the time of the year when we gather amidst the chaos that holidays bring to reflect on the past year, to spend time with family, and to rejoice and plan for the future. For most, despite the stress, it is a happy time. While the rest of the year is filled with ups and downs and hardships and triumphs this last month tends to bring out the happiness, the hopefulness in most people. We smile more at strangers, hold open doors to help others, and give more. It isn't suppose to be the time of the year when innocent children are gunned down senselessly while attending school.

I can't wrap my head around this tragedy. I can't fathom the mind of anyone who would look into the eyes of small children and then take their lives. It isn't even human. I can't believe it is even real. Thursday I watched the joy in two little kids' eyes as they approached the Santa Claus sitting in the mall waiting to hear their wishes. I thought then that that was one of the great things about Christmas; that innocent joy in the belief of something wonderful that happens only once a year. To think that twenty children just like those two I saw at the mall were killed by a madman makes me sick and sad and scared.

I know there are crazy nuts in the world. I know we can't shut ourselves away in our houses for the rest of our lives. I know terrible things happen. But this...this is just too much to handle at this time of the year. I'm planning on hugging my girls extra close all weekend. I'm holding those parents who lost their sons and daughters yesterday in my arms and thoughts as well. May they all find the strength to get through this horror. May they all eventually find peace.