April Fools Day falls right next to St. Patrick's Day in my book; far down the list of holidays. I looked up the history of the day, but learning it did not move it up the list. The history is goobley gook just like the day, and next year I refuse to celebrate it, participate in it, and shall hide out all day in my house away from phones or the door. Why? Because I seem to fall for tricks played on this day.
Back in the ancient days of my childhood, this holiday was simple. We did silly things to one another with the old staple, "Your shoe is untied", which I admit I did yesterday to the eldest daughter who fell for it and then rolled her eyes when I shouted, "April Fools!" April Fools Day was a fun, trickery day that kept us on our toes just like wearing green or getting pinched on St. Patrick's Day. No one did mean or cruel things that I can remember.
Several years ago my friend Cheryl's husband, Michael, who owns a car repair business called me at home and left this message: "Cara, it's Michael. Listen, where are you? Toby Keith is here at the shop getting his car worked on. He and his tour guys are sitting around playing guitar. You've got to hurry and get down here." When I got home and heard the message I immediately called him and he told me he couldn't stall much longer and for me to hurry. I thought it a true possibility because he was touring through Florida at the time. I hung up the phone, shaking and panting, and ran frantically around my house gathering up keys and my purse and changing my shirt as a way to freshen up. It wasn't until I was actually in my car ready to back out of my driveway that I stopped to think. "Wait. Toby Keith is a Ford man. He touts Ford. Why would he be at Michael's import car shop?" I sat and thought some more and I got out of the car, called him back up, and asked that very question. He said, "April Fools!" and I proceeded to curse him out. He thought it the most hilarious thing ever and pretty much calls me each year to mention Toby Keith so that he can laugh some more. He did not call me yesterday which is probably why I fell for the next trick.
Darcy's new beau (I hate using the word boyfriend) and family know my Steelers buddy who I watch the games with each week. That came out in some conversation regarding soccer, and so after meeting the beau's parents and discussing our mutual friends, I texted my buddy and his wife and gave them the scoop.They in turn assured me the kid was a good one and the family good people. Yesterday my buddy sent me a text that said, "I just spoke with Darcy's mother-in-law at the soccer field." He went on to tell me that spring soccer had started and his youngest was going to give it a try. We snickered over the young "lovers" via text and then he told me something shocking. He said he was checking out the hot soccer moms because he and his wife were on the outs.
I thought at first he meant they had a fight, but then he said it was amicable and it would be a quick ending without any fighting. I was shocked and didn't believe him. He assured me it was true. I joked that I hoped he kept the satellite dish and the football package, sort of just playing along with his nonsense. I had forgotten completely about what day it was, but didn't believe for an instant that he and his wife were calling it quit. Then he said no go on the dish as he was moving out and into a one bedroom apartment. I said I didn't believe him. He told me they hadn't told many people. I was shocked and told my daughter who was shocked. We got all depressed thinking about his two daughters. We had all met in Lamaze class with our first girls so I wasn't taking the news so well. I sat, unsure of what he was texting. Then I remembered it was April 1st and I told him so and called him a not-so-nice name. He texted back he wasn't joking. He was serious. I said his anniversary was coming up and he said 21 years with the same person was just hard for anyone. He told me to call his wife. I said I was calling his mother. He told me to go ahead. He seemed so sincere, or at least, I read it as he was so sincere. I told him I was sad, sorry, and sent him hugs.
For two hours I grieved. I went back over all the Sundays at their house during football season wondering if I had missed the signs. Madison kept talking about their children and how sad it was. When Tom got home I told him and he too felt sad, although he will never admit that now. I had been having a decent night and was enjoying the General Hospital Anniversary show when he texted, but I couldn't even finish it. I wandered around my house in a daze, wondering if I should call his wife, worried about his children. I thought about convincing them to see a therapist.
Then something else happened to take my mind off of their problems, and while I was dealing with that crazy issue, my buddy texted me that his wife was home and that he was out getting gas. "Call her," he texted. "Talk to her". I told my husband, "Does he want me to try to talk her out of it? I'm not sure what even happened. What should I do?" I texted back to my buddy that maybe she wouldn't be happy that he told me. He told me to call her. I texted her instead. She waited some time and then texted back, "You know my husband. He is stuck with you for the long haul. Or at least until the kids are out of the house. LOL" Huh? I sat wondering what the hell that meant. Was she blaming me? Then she texted that she meant with her, not me, and through several more texts I found out he was April Fooling me. "For the record", she texted," I didn't think it was funny when he told me what he had done, but you know my husband."
The rest of the night was me calling him naughty, nasty, things via text to his phone. His wife texted me that he was "over here laughing his ass off". Who does that sort of a prank? By the time the texting was done for the night I was snickering, but deep down I was relieved and a tad giddy that it was not true. But I was also pissed. Who does that? Who finds that funny? "Well, why would you fall for that on this day," my husband kept saying to me when I asked that question out loud, like he hadn't sat around speculating with me on their failed marriage.
I always swore that some day I would get back Michael for the trick he played on me, and now I have to add Scott to the list. Last night I had some ideas, but they all involved darts and knives and his picture and since he works in law enforcement with my husband that would have just gotten me into trouble. No, no, I have to retaliate in some other way...some nice, respectful, non violent way. But also on a day that isn't April Fools. Because next year I will be holed up in my house with the windows and doors shut!
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