We have a septic issue--one I've written about before on this blog--and it requires us to use one-ply toilet paper only. The plumber recommended Scott, but after much searching and investigation and tryouts, I declared Charmin Essentials Strong (formerly Charmin Basic) as our household toilet paper. Unfortunately, the only store to carry it in bulk is our Walmart, and so Walmart replaced Target as my go-to store.
Because we live in a small house, items like toilet paper and cleaning supplies reside in various hovels in our one-car garage. We just don't have the space to stock up when it isn't hurricane season, and I usually would purchase two twenty-four packs of Charmin when needed. I mean, for the most part, that lasted two months when we were empty-nesters. Not so much when we added Madison to the household, but still, I wasn't hoarding toilet paper.
See where this is going?
The week before Spring Break, I considered a trip to Walmart for toilet paper, but it was a fleeting thought. I had two packs and a pack of some terrible off-brand toilet paper Tom had purchased that--I'm ashamed to admit this now--I was slowly tossing in the trash each week. It was the worst paper ever. I tried to use it, but it literally, and I'm serious here, disintegrated in your hand when wet. Still, if worse came to worse, I had it, and so, I didn't buy toilet paper.
Now I can't get it. Oh, I can maybe find some two-ply, but I'm not willing to take the chance. I mean, are plumbers even working right now? Would I want one in my house? Even my bug guy said they aren't coming in the house, and he sprayed outside instead of in.
We are now down to the last Charmin pack, and I've become a toilet paper police officer. When people tell me they found and purchased toilet paper, I'm jumping down their throats. Did you need that paper? How much do you have hoarded? You are the reason why people like me can't buy it! I need the $%^& toilet paper because I'm about to jury-rig a bidet in my bathrooms, and you're buying up toilet paper like it's candy just because you found it.
I guilted one friend so much she brought me a tiny pack of two-ply off-brand she bought for one dollar because the packaging said it was septic safe. I took it before I reminded her she didn't need any more damn toilet paper at her house and to STOP BUYING IT.
Every day Darcy looks online just in case.
Every day it's a no go.
Things are about to get real here, people.
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