Shannon: "What can I help you today with, Mrs. M?"
Me: "My cable box on my second television is telling me I'm not authorized to use the box."
Shannon: "Oh, my, well let's pull that up and check on it. It looks like it has been asleep for some time and when that happens we usually just need to reboot it."
While she was talking the box would go off and Tom would push the on button to retrieve the message again. Shannon told me she was going to reboot the box on her end and so I told Tom to stop messing with it. He ignored me and kept turning it on when it would go off. I kept whispering to him to stop it and he kept waving at me to stop worrying about what he was doing.
Me: "Ok, Shannon, my husband keeps messing with the buttons on the box. Should he be doing that?"
Shannon: "If he could just let it go while I reboot it that would be fine."
Me: "Stop it! Tom! Stop it. She says to let her mess with it now."
Shannon: "Just tell me when anything changes on your TV."
Me: "Okay. So far nothing is changing. Well, now it went off."
Tom: "It isn't going off. It's going into stand-by mode."
Me: "My husband says its going into stand-by-mode."
Shannon: "I see that. Let me reboot it again. This will take one to two minutes."
She and I discussed the weather for two minutes. She rebooted it again and we talked more about the weather. Tom went back to pushing buttons.
Shannon: "Are you able to get behind the box by any chance?"
Me: "Let me pass you over to my husband because he can do that and because he isn't listening to me about turning the box off and on."
Shannon: "Oh. Okay, well..."
Shannon: "Oh. Okay, well..."
Tom: "I don't want the phone."
Me: "She needs you to do something to the back of the box."
Tom: "I can do that."
I handed him the phone and he began to talk to her. At one point he called her by another name and that seemed to be the last straw for me. I burst out laughing and couldn't stop. I told him her name was Shannon. As usual, he did not believe me so he asked her if her name was the name he had called her. She corrected him. Her name was Shannon. He admitted defeat and the two of them started messing with the box. I got up and began moving furniture around. About five minutes into that I realized that the TV which had been on in the living room was not making any noise. I went out to check it and reported back that the cable box was beeping and the TV was counting down to something. The TV in the bedroom was also counting down and Tom was reporting the countdown to Shannon.
I sat down, zoned out for awhile, and came back to hear Tom repeat what Shannon was telling him; that we had to switch out the cable dvr box. She told him we could do this at the nearest cable store in Clearwater Mall. Now we have two malls in Clearwater and those of us that have lived here longer than ten years refer to them as Countryside Mall and Clearwater Mall which is what they were called back in the day. They have since changed ownership and Countryside, which isn't far from The Condo, is now Westfield Countryside Mall. When Tom said Clearwater Mall and changing the box I pictured Countryside Mall because in the back of my mind I remembered my friend SueG telling me that her husband had to drive to Countryside five different times when dealing with their cable box.
Tom: "We have to change out the box."
Me: "Well, that's annoying. I'm paying for that box. Is she going to credit me?"
Tom: "We can ask that. Let's clean up here and go do that."
Me: "Really? You want to do that now?"
Tom: "Don't you? Get it over with? She said they are open until nine."
Me: "I suppose so. I just thought you wouldn't want to do that and come back here to hook it all up."
Tom: "I wasn't planning on doing that, but I guess it makes sense."
Me: "I really do appreciate you helping me out today and doing all of this."
Tom: "You said you wanted me to take down the waterbed. I wasn't planning on all of this other stuff."
Me: "You should have just accepted the compliment."
We cleaned up, grabbed the box, and got into the car, Tom at the wheel.
Me: "Where are you going?"
Tom: "To Clearwater Mall."
Me: "It's at Countryside Mall."
Tom: "No. She said Clearwater Mall."
Me: "I know that, but I'm pretty sure that SueG told me that they had to go to Countryside Mall."
Tom: "The lady told me Clearwater Mall so that's where I'm going."
Clearwater Mall is a good twenty minutes south of the other mall and so I took out my phone as we drove and tried to find information. It took me awhile and when I found the information on places to exchange equipment it said "Clearwater/Countryside Mall" and gave an address and directions which led to Countryside Mall. I relayed this to my husband as he came up to the turn to the road to the wrong mall. I told him to get into the U-turn lane. He ignored me and got in the left lane.
Me: "We have to turn around and go to Countryside."
Tom: "Call them to make sure."
Me: "What? Babe. I'm on the site now. Look. It says Countryside."
Tom: "It says Clearwater/Countryside and Shannon told me Clearwater Mall. Just call the phone number and make sure."
Me: "Why can't you just trust me?"
Tom: "Because you don't know. Just call to make sure. How hard is that?"
Me: "Damn hard because all it gives me is an address and the hours, but no phone number. The directions are to Countryside Mall."
Tom: "Give me the phone."
I handed the phone to him so he could read for himself, but somehow in the passing of the phone he lost the information. I had to look it all up again as he turned into the wrong mall. I pulled up the Bright House site and pushed the "Call Us" button and handed him the phone. Of course he didn't get a human and had to keep saying, "Representative", which made me think of the commercial, which set me off in a fit of giggles, which annoyed him. He finally told the system he wanted sales and got a male human. Of course we were at the wrong mall which set Tom off. He started telling the guy that they should know their information better. I reminded him that the male wasn't Shannon and hadn't sent us the wrong way. The male was unfazed and wanted to know the problem and could he sell us better cable. Eventually Tom and I were laughing so hard we didn't think we could stop.
We hung up with the guy, turned around, and headed back the way we had just come. As we drove we discussed how we would handle the exchange. I didn't want it to be known that I wasn't my mom. Tom didn't think they would ask. I was sure they would ask for ID. We talked about changing everything, the price, the account, but decided that would need to be for another time. Once at the mall we had to guess where to park since we didn't know where inside the mall the store was located. We parked where I always park and found that for once that day we were right. The store was upstairs from where we had parked and we went up and in.
There was no one waiting in line and five customer service people. The woman took us immediately. Tom laid down the device and told her we needed to switch it out for an upgrade via Shannon. She told us no problem and scanned the device into her computer.
Bright House Lady: "Hmmm...let's see. That didn't work."
She scanned it again and when that didn't work she punched the barcode number in manually. She asked for the phone number associated with the account and then asked for the name on the account. I gave her all of that.
BH Lady: "I'm not showing this device at all in our system."
Me: "Okay, well the Bright House tech lady on the phone had it on her screen. I'm paying for it, aren't I?"
BH Lady: "I'm only showing one device on your account actually. Do you have another one?"
Me: "Yes. I have two. One at home and this one."
BH Lady: "Was this device working? Because I'm showing it isn't even in our system."
Tom and I started laughing. I laid my head down on the counter and pounded it. She called over another employee. He punched in some numbers.
BH Man: "This device was on your television?"
Me: "Yes."
BH Man: "And it worked?"
Tom: "No. It wasn't working that's why we are here."
Me: "But it did work. At one time."
BH Lady: "How long ago was that?"
Tom: "Christmas?"
Me: "We really don't know. I was told it wasn't working at Christmas time, but don't know when it worked before that."
BH Man: "Because it is showing that this device was lost. In our system this device is marked lost."
Me: "Well, we found it. Here it is. On my television where it has been hooked up for years."
BH Lady: "It is showing that this box has been lost since 2013."
Me: "Well, I can tell you that it worked in 2013. It worked in 2014."
BH Man: "It did?"
Me: "The Bright House lady on the phone had it up on her screen. She rebooted it."
BH Lady: "She rebooted it from her end? Or you rebooted it?"
Me: "She tried from her end, but it didn't work. She did it twice."
Tom: "Then I rebooted it. That's when she told us to come in and exchange it."
BH Lady: "Okay, well, this device was not hooked up to your television. It couldn't have been. That's why she couldn't reboot it and had you do it."
BH Man: "It hasn't worked since 2013. Did you change out devices then maybe? Upgrade to HD?"
Tom: "Well, this is her mother's account."
BH Lady: "And it works for her?"
Tom: "Well, um,..........she's dead."
BH Employees: "Oh! Oh sorry. Sure. How long?"
Me: "No, no the device worked when my mother was alive in 2014. After that I couldn't tell ya."
Tom: "We've been cleaning up stuff at her place all day. We're tired."
BH Lady: "I'm sorry. Do you want a new device?"
And suddenly we were doing everything we said we wouldn't do. We talked about the account and changing it. The lady needed the death certificate just like I had told Tom, but she did lower my bill and we did discover that the TV would work hooked up to a cable since the association forks out cable money for a handful of channels. We left there laughing, happy to have lowered our bill. Tom left her with the antique Roadrunner kit which he had insisted on bringing and which she found fascinating.
We went back to The Condo and hooked up the TV to the cable coming out of the wall. It worked. I was leaving the room and reminded Tom that he had to turn off the light at the fan. I was pooped and ready to get some dinner and go home.
Tom: "Why do I have to turn off the light right here? What's wrong with the switch?"
Me: "Who cares? It hasn't worked in years. Turn it off and let's go eat."
Tom: "Why is there tape on the light switch on the wall?"
Me: "Because it doesn't work. Because my mom didn't want anyone messing with it. Frankly, I just don't even remember anymore why there is tape. Who cares?"
Tom: "Do you care if I look at? Where's that electric meter we found earlier? I can check the wires with that."
I let him. I figured what the hell. I need the man to mess with another electric issue later down the road and I figured maybe all of it was connected so what the hell. I got the meter and he took off the plate and tested the wires. They were dead. He then went over to the fan/light and started following the cord. That led to him noticing that there were live wires capped off outside the fan at the base leading into the ceiling. He ranted and raved about that for some time shaking his head. I didn't want to tell him that I think it had been that way since he last looked into changing out the fan because I vaguely remembered that. I told him not to worry about it tonight.
Me: "Lets pack up and go get food."
Tom: "Those are live wires. That's so...well, I can't even begin to tell you how stupid that is. Where's the attic?"
Me: "The what? There isn't an attic."
Tom: "Of course there is an attic. How do you get into it?"
Me: "Why of course there is an attic. How do you know there is an attic?"
Tom: "Because there is always an attic."
Me: "What kind of an answer is that?"
He was already moving. He checked the laundry room. He checked the guest bedroom and that closet. He checked the bathroom. I checked the hall closet. All the time I was telling him there wasn't an attic. All of the time he was telling me there had to be one. Suddenly as we stood in the hallway looking at each other I vaguely remembered...well, an attic entrance.
Me: "We should try my mom's bedroom closet because if there is going to be an entrance to an attic it would be there. Actually now that I think about it there is one."
And there was. I got Tom a step stool. He wanted to peek into the attic and see if he could see where the wires for the light switch were running. The stool didn't get him very high so he climbed on top of the handle of the step stool and I held the bottom step so he wouldn't tumble over. He opened the entrance and just barely could peek his head into it. It was quite large, but dark as night.
Tom: "What's all this stuff up here?"
Me: "What stuff? There's nothing up there."
Tom: "There is all sorts of stuff up here. Boxes."
Me: "WHAT?"
And immediately this is what went through my mind at warp speed:
"Holy, mother of god, my mother has hidden things in an attic that I didn't remember existed. She has hidden boxes of cash. Millions and thousands of dollars in cash. No. It can't be cash. It's coins. Gold. Treasure. I told her she should do this before she died and she did. But...wait. I told her that the day before she went into hospice. She couldn't have done it. But she did and she didn't tell me. That's not like her. What if I had never gone up here."
And then Tom leaned up in the attic and pulled down this little travel suitcase that looked like something from the 1960's. I didn't recognize it at all and was disappointed when I saw it. But then more treasure, money, coins, and cash went flying through my mind, and I was thinking about how exciting it all would be and what I would spend it all on, and then Tom opened it so that only he could see into the suitcase and he burst out laughing.
Me: "What? What? What is it? What's in there? Is something in there? Is it empty?"
Tom: "No. It's full."
Me: "What's in there? What is it? Is it money?"
Tom: "It's fate."
And he turned it around so that I could see the knitting materials inside the box. It was full of yarn, thread, knitting needles, and a croquet needle. There were pouches of patterns yellowed with age and a book on how to knit and croquet that cost $.35. It did not belong to my mother. He kept laughing and now I was the one not in the mood for that. I was tired and hurting and was not able to see the humor in the knitting box despite the fact that my own new knitting hobby bag was in the other room.
He pulled down another little suitcase; this one blue. The seam of the lid had popped on this case and foamy stuffing was falling out of it. That case was empty. He pulled down a large, under the bed, box that was full of lady's elastic pants and capris, the elastic disintegrating with age, and yellowed baby outfits. Not exactly the treasure this greedy, tired, woman was looking for. It also did not belong to my mom. I have no idea who it belonged to, obviously a former tenant. I wondered aloud if my mother or father had even ventured into this attic. I figured the cable guy had been up there and the bug man, but obviously no one mentioned the boxes in there.
Tom couldn't reach the other boxes or see into the darkened attic for wires or treasure. We agreed to call it a day and collected the stuff we had found. I mused aloud how the attic was now going to be another item on my to do list. Or rather Tom's list as he was taller. He reminded me again of how he was only there to to take down the waterbed. Tom put the light switch back on while I headed toward the exit.
Me: "Don't forget to turn the light off at the fan!"
Tom: "Let's not start with that again. That's what got us in trouble in the first place. That's the first thing I fix when I come back."
Well, at least he is willing to come back again. Whew!
Bright House Lady: "Hmmm...let's see. That didn't work."
She scanned it again and when that didn't work she punched the barcode number in manually. She asked for the phone number associated with the account and then asked for the name on the account. I gave her all of that.
BH Lady: "I'm not showing this device at all in our system."
Me: "Okay, well the Bright House tech lady on the phone had it on her screen. I'm paying for it, aren't I?"
BH Lady: "I'm only showing one device on your account actually. Do you have another one?"
Me: "Yes. I have two. One at home and this one."
BH Lady: "Was this device working? Because I'm showing it isn't even in our system."
Tom and I started laughing. I laid my head down on the counter and pounded it. She called over another employee. He punched in some numbers.
BH Man: "This device was on your television?"
Me: "Yes."
BH Man: "And it worked?"
Tom: "No. It wasn't working that's why we are here."
Me: "But it did work. At one time."
BH Lady: "How long ago was that?"
Tom: "Christmas?"
Me: "We really don't know. I was told it wasn't working at Christmas time, but don't know when it worked before that."
BH Man: "Because it is showing that this device was lost. In our system this device is marked lost."
Me: "Well, we found it. Here it is. On my television where it has been hooked up for years."
BH Lady: "It is showing that this box has been lost since 2013."
Me: "Well, I can tell you that it worked in 2013. It worked in 2014."
BH Man: "It did?"
Me: "The Bright House lady on the phone had it up on her screen. She rebooted it."
BH Lady: "She rebooted it from her end? Or you rebooted it?"
Me: "She tried from her end, but it didn't work. She did it twice."
Tom: "Then I rebooted it. That's when she told us to come in and exchange it."
BH Lady: "Okay, well, this device was not hooked up to your television. It couldn't have been. That's why she couldn't reboot it and had you do it."
BH Man: "It hasn't worked since 2013. Did you change out devices then maybe? Upgrade to HD?"
Tom: "Well, this is her mother's account."
BH Lady: "And it works for her?"
Tom: "Well, um,..........she's dead."
BH Employees: "Oh! Oh sorry. Sure. How long?"
Me: "No, no the device worked when my mother was alive in 2014. After that I couldn't tell ya."
Tom: "We've been cleaning up stuff at her place all day. We're tired."
BH Lady: "I'm sorry. Do you want a new device?"
And suddenly we were doing everything we said we wouldn't do. We talked about the account and changing it. The lady needed the death certificate just like I had told Tom, but she did lower my bill and we did discover that the TV would work hooked up to a cable since the association forks out cable money for a handful of channels. We left there laughing, happy to have lowered our bill. Tom left her with the antique Roadrunner kit which he had insisted on bringing and which she found fascinating.
We went back to The Condo and hooked up the TV to the cable coming out of the wall. It worked. I was leaving the room and reminded Tom that he had to turn off the light at the fan. I was pooped and ready to get some dinner and go home.
Tom: "Why do I have to turn off the light right here? What's wrong with the switch?"
Me: "Who cares? It hasn't worked in years. Turn it off and let's go eat."
Tom: "Why is there tape on the light switch on the wall?"
Me: "Because it doesn't work. Because my mom didn't want anyone messing with it. Frankly, I just don't even remember anymore why there is tape. Who cares?"
Tom: "Do you care if I look at? Where's that electric meter we found earlier? I can check the wires with that."
I let him. I figured what the hell. I need the man to mess with another electric issue later down the road and I figured maybe all of it was connected so what the hell. I got the meter and he took off the plate and tested the wires. They were dead. He then went over to the fan/light and started following the cord. That led to him noticing that there were live wires capped off outside the fan at the base leading into the ceiling. He ranted and raved about that for some time shaking his head. I didn't want to tell him that I think it had been that way since he last looked into changing out the fan because I vaguely remembered that. I told him not to worry about it tonight.
Me: "Lets pack up and go get food."
Tom: "Those are live wires. That's so...well, I can't even begin to tell you how stupid that is. Where's the attic?"
Me: "The what? There isn't an attic."
Tom: "Of course there is an attic. How do you get into it?"
Me: "Why of course there is an attic. How do you know there is an attic?"
Tom: "Because there is always an attic."
Me: "What kind of an answer is that?"
He was already moving. He checked the laundry room. He checked the guest bedroom and that closet. He checked the bathroom. I checked the hall closet. All the time I was telling him there wasn't an attic. All of the time he was telling me there had to be one. Suddenly as we stood in the hallway looking at each other I vaguely remembered...well, an attic entrance.
Me: "We should try my mom's bedroom closet because if there is going to be an entrance to an attic it would be there. Actually now that I think about it there is one."
And there was. I got Tom a step stool. He wanted to peek into the attic and see if he could see where the wires for the light switch were running. The stool didn't get him very high so he climbed on top of the handle of the step stool and I held the bottom step so he wouldn't tumble over. He opened the entrance and just barely could peek his head into it. It was quite large, but dark as night.
Tom: "What's all this stuff up here?"
Me: "What stuff? There's nothing up there."
Tom: "There is all sorts of stuff up here. Boxes."
Me: "WHAT?"
And immediately this is what went through my mind at warp speed:
"Holy, mother of god, my mother has hidden things in an attic that I didn't remember existed. She has hidden boxes of cash. Millions and thousands of dollars in cash. No. It can't be cash. It's coins. Gold. Treasure. I told her she should do this before she died and she did. But...wait. I told her that the day before she went into hospice. She couldn't have done it. But she did and she didn't tell me. That's not like her. What if I had never gone up here."
And then Tom leaned up in the attic and pulled down this little travel suitcase that looked like something from the 1960's. I didn't recognize it at all and was disappointed when I saw it. But then more treasure, money, coins, and cash went flying through my mind, and I was thinking about how exciting it all would be and what I would spend it all on, and then Tom opened it so that only he could see into the suitcase and he burst out laughing.
Me: "What? What? What is it? What's in there? Is something in there? Is it empty?"
Tom: "No. It's full."
Me: "What's in there? What is it? Is it money?"
Tom: "It's fate."
And he turned it around so that I could see the knitting materials inside the box. It was full of yarn, thread, knitting needles, and a croquet needle. There were pouches of patterns yellowed with age and a book on how to knit and croquet that cost $.35. It did not belong to my mother. He kept laughing and now I was the one not in the mood for that. I was tired and hurting and was not able to see the humor in the knitting box despite the fact that my own new knitting hobby bag was in the other room.
He pulled down another little suitcase; this one blue. The seam of the lid had popped on this case and foamy stuffing was falling out of it. That case was empty. He pulled down a large, under the bed, box that was full of lady's elastic pants and capris, the elastic disintegrating with age, and yellowed baby outfits. Not exactly the treasure this greedy, tired, woman was looking for. It also did not belong to my mom. I have no idea who it belonged to, obviously a former tenant. I wondered aloud if my mother or father had even ventured into this attic. I figured the cable guy had been up there and the bug man, but obviously no one mentioned the boxes in there.
Tom couldn't reach the other boxes or see into the darkened attic for wires or treasure. We agreed to call it a day and collected the stuff we had found. I mused aloud how the attic was now going to be another item on my to do list. Or rather Tom's list as he was taller. He reminded me again of how he was only there to to take down the waterbed. Tom put the light switch back on while I headed toward the exit.
Me: "Don't forget to turn the light off at the fan!"
Tom: "Let's not start with that again. That's what got us in trouble in the first place. That's the first thing I fix when I come back."
Well, at least he is willing to come back again. Whew!
No comments:
Post a Comment