Mrs. Smith. I know that's you.

My post yesterday brought to mind one of my favorite stories. I searched to see if I had told it before on this blog, and nothing immediately popped up in the search engine, despite my knowing I've told it before, possibly several times. But I'm going to tell it here again, and if you have heard it before....too damn bad. It's a good one. Well, maybe only for wives.

My friend, Krista, she the wife of my Steelers buddy was a SAHM after she had her second daughter. We all met in Lamaze class, and she and I spent a good portion of our days together after we had our first kid since Krista worked in the late afternoon and evening. After she became a SAHM she got to experience what the rest of us dealt with on a daily basis; being a kept woman.

Despite being the bill payers, we have noticed that all of our utilities and accounts are in our husbands' name. None of us are sure how that happened. I distinctly remembered several bills in my name when I worked, but now they are all in Tom's name. Of course, now days companies are obsessed about security, and we SAHM are finding it harder and harder to deal with these guys when our name is not on the account. The other day when my cable, internet, and telephone went out (yes, that was another repair job) I had to actually search for the last four digits of my husband's social security number to even get a representative to listen to my troubles. What is with that? Who is going to call a cable company to report an issue about someone else's house? Is security really needed at that point? At least at The Condo I can call a special number from the house phone, pretend I'm my mother, and get help, but not with the cable company I have here at my home.

When dealing with the Kitchen Aid warranty department yesterday and being asked about "my relationship to Tom", I remembered Krista's story. Several years ago she received a letter from the water department saying they were going to shut off her water as the bill hadn't been paid. She was sure there was some mistake and so she called the company while she searched back through her checkbook looking for proof. The woman asked for her name, account number, address, and phone number which Krista gave to her.

Water Department Woman: "I'm sorry, Mrs. Smith (name changed here to protect the innocent), but I see that this account is in another name. "
Krista: "Yes, that would be my husband, Scott."
WDW: "I'm sorry, but I can't discuss this account with you as it isn't in your name."
Krista: "You're kidding me, right? I just want to pay my bill."
WDW: "I understand Mrs. Smith, but because your name isn't on the account I can't discuss this with you."
Krista: "I just want to pay my bill. I thought I paid it, but you say I haven't and so I want to pay it over the phone."
WDW: "And I understand your dilemma, but I can't discuss this with you."
Krista: "Listen. I don't even know how this bill is in my husband's name. I pay the bill. I pay the bill every damn month. Well, obviously I messed up this past month, but I'm the one who pays the bill. Not my husband. Not Scott. Me."
WDW: "I can not help you, Mrs. Smith. I'm sorry."

Krista spent another ten minutes going round and round with the woman, but she was not budging. By this point, Krista was steaming.

Krista: "This is so ridiculous."
WDW: "I understand your frustration, Mrs. Smith, but I can't help you because your name is not on the account."
Krista: "Well, it just so happens that we are in luck. I hear my husband coming home from work now. Scott! Scott! Come in here. I'm on the phone with the water department. I can't pay the water bill because it is in your name. She won't even talk to me. Here, you deal with it."

Scott was not home. Krista, at her wits end, decided she would just pretend to be her husband so she half covered the phone and pretended she was talking to her husband. Eventually she jiggled the phone to make it seem like someone was grabbing it, and then she lowered her voice, and attempted to play the part of Scott.

Krista: "Hello? My wife says you need to talk to me?"
WDW: "Mrs. Smith, please."
Krista: "What? This is Scott Smith. What exactly do you need from me? Let's just pay this bill."
WDW: "Mrs. Smith, I know that's you."

Krista uttered two words, as old as time, to the woman, and hung up. She had to write a check, and the next day the two of us drove to the water department to drop off the payment. No one in the water department questioned her upon receiving the payment. No one asked for her husband.

That story is one of my favorite Krista stories. We laughed and laughed, and still laugh about it to this day. Ever since then we have attempted to play our husbands when the need arises. When we succeed we immediately let one another know. Even our kids have done it. The two men, of course, find it all silly, but they don't really get it. Of course they don't. That is until they ask us to "take care" of one of the accounts.