Grad Week 2017 - Part IV

Two years ago I helped put together our school's IB Senior Celebration with a committee of students. We met every month through the school year thinking up ideas and seeing them to fruition. It was a big project, but with another adult working the food portion of the evening I was able to do what I do best and work with the kids on the ceremony portion. It was a beautiful evening, but we were literally working even during the event to finish things.

This year when I again agreed to do guide the committee I stressed, and then stressed again, the need to jump quickly and complete early. I reminded the kids that IB exams would take up all of their time the entire month of May and that getting everything done prior to that month would be essential. They nodded and proceeded to do what kids, despite their rolling into adulthood, do. They ignored my advice.

Last week in the midst of exams, graduation day, my daughter's party, and visiting family, I had to crack the whip on putting the finishing touches on our Senior Celebration. There were a few teacher gifts that were still being completed, and the rest of the gifts were spread around several rooms in my house. While my family guests enjoyed each other's company and did tourist things around town and swam in my pool, I worked frantically and tried to remember to breathe.

As the first time, it all came together, but just like the first time we were working up to the last possible minute and then some. We arrived at the venue to find the room totally empty despite my email communication discussing decorating arrival times. This put us behind schedule, but giving props to the kids, they scattered and worked their butts off to get me what I needed to finish the speeches and the program. My co-adult hostess stepped up and did the errand running while I frantically typed, and we both made it to the venue 45 minutes before the event began.

This year we has parent volunteers along with the student volunteers which made a huge difference. These women stepped up and shooed us out of the kitchen and completely took over serving and cleaning up after the event. It was the best addition we had this year along with the pictures that one of our board members took and put online. I was able to relax and enjoy the evening.

The speakers were excellent, and the teachers loved their gifts. The slide show and video presentation had a few hiccups, but Madison was there to resolve those technical issues. It was a very nice evening and everything I hoped it would be as our final hurrah. Congratulations to the IB Class of 2017. May you all move on to do wonderful things to improve this world.

My family guests

Before the last party, we had to say goodbye to my Indiana family. The week went by all too fast for me, although it didn't feel like it at the time. I didn't get the time I needed with them, and what little time I did get with them seemed to be in the early morning hours between midnight and three o'clock. I've never been so tired.

We did eat, despite my cousin thinking otherwise. Susan knows her way around area restaurants town by now so she took Jaimee to various places for seafood and steak. We had breakfast out one morning and hit our local beach area restaurant on another day, but for the most part the two girls entertained themselves.

I can't thank them enough for coming to Florida to help out this graduation week. They bunked together, cleaned my house, and attended some graduation parties with us all with a smile on their faces. It is always nice to spend time with family no matter how much it is, and I'm hopeful we will be able to do it again when I'm not so busy and/or stressed.

Grad Week - Part III

I'm not much of a party hostess. It's just not my forte, but I try. With Madison's graduation party, all sorts of things went awry and it still turned out a success. Darcy's party didn't have as much drama, but I did leave things down to the wire in the preparation department.

I was more worried about the high school IB Senior Celebration that I was in charge of planning for 140 people then I was about the party at my own house. Where I worked ahead in planning Madison's party and still had issues, I wasn't as on top of this party as maybe I should have been. I didn't order the food until three days before the event, going with my original theme of Cuban seeing as how she is moving to Tampa. We were still working on the video of her life the day of the party, yet somehow it all came together and we had a fun night.

My family guests and daughters were in charge of cleaning my house while I worked on Friday. I kept receiving SnapChats of them poolside, but I have to admit that my house was clean when I returned. The day of the party the family guests ran errands and bought balloons to decorate my house. They helped set up party supplies and entertained the guests.

Jaime was feeling good about being the number one guest in that she left behind her 14 children and flew from Indiana to be here to witness the graduation and grad bash. Unfortunately for her, she was usurped by the number one uncle. On Friday, from his home in Los Angeles, Uncle Clint called me to let me know he was flying in for the grad bash. He flew all night to get here by the party and then flew out the next day. He was only here for Darcy. We decided not to tell her and let it be a surprise. She was certainly surprised, and could not whine about the other guests who declined to come "like they did to Madison's graduation party."

We had about 50 people who showed up crammed into my little house so much so that our air conditioning couldn't keep up with all the warm bodies and the open front door. I spent my time running around trying to find fans to sit under to cool off, and to entertain those people who were sitting solo. My friend SueG manned the alcohol punch that she concocted, and that too could have been a source for my warmness. All of Darcy's friends came and we played a game I titled "How Well Do You Know Darcy". Participants were from her friend group, family, and miscellaneous people who we couldn't come up with names for, and we ran it like the Newlywed Game. Darcy had to match up her answers with the teams, and we played three rounds with the winners of each round going into the finals.

The last round consisted of all her friends and Sarina, she of the fifteen year friendship, won the tiebreaker to take the title. The questions was, "What game was Darcy playing when she fell and put a hole in her head that resulted in a trip to the emergency room?" A bonus was "Who taught Darcy the game?" The three teams made a gallant effort, but in the end Sarina knew the answer to put her team in the winner's circle. The answer was "popcorn" and "Kelly". She did not require stitches FYI.

The party went into the wee hours of morning with a few rounds of Mafia, lots of talking, and more cake. In the end it was deemed a success despite Tom telling me, "You had way too much food". Whew.

Grad Week - Part II

She had been waiting for this day ever since deciding on her college, getting accepted, and being assigned a room and a roommate. She did all of the work. She decided on a major, one that came out of left field for us, but one that obviously excited her. She researched the best universities with that major and devised a list. We stepped in, after much consideration, and told her that in having two children we learn things from the first and in doing so sometimes the second child benefits from that learned knowledge and sometimes she doesn't. We made a mistake with the first child in letting her fly to an expensive life another state. We told this one she had to stay in state, and much to our surprise, she seemed relieved. Unlike her sister, she hates cold weather and being far from home, and it turned out that her major is very prominent right here in the sunny universities. Or in Austin at the University of Texas, so whew! We made that decision in time.

She was accepted to all of the Florida universities and asked to apply into all of their honor colleges, but she had already decided. She liked the university closest to home, although she had a few months of wondering if that was too close, and so I drove slow to each visit we made to the "big city" to show her that with traffic it was at least an hour away. She applied and received several nice scholarships and she got the big one that Florida gives out to its homegrown students who remain in state, the one my eldest daughter didn't get to use by fleeing. From the moment of acceptance, she was ready for graduation and moving on.

The month of May was IB exams and the stress level in our house rose steadily. Our usually happy go lucky child was sullen, stressed, and snippy. She studied and studied, muttering under her breath as she went over mounds of papers and books accumulated over the last four years. I did what I could by tip toeing around the house, keeping her clothes cleaned, and shoving food in front of her face as she sat at her desk in the Steelers room. Every test day she returned home claiming she had failed and every time we hugged her and told her we were proud of her no matter her earning the IB diploma or not. We are so proud of her IB accomplishments, straight A's through a rigorous program that can suck your soul, and proud of the woman she has grown into.

The last exam day we celebrated. We had Starbucks and we kept shouting, "Hurrah!" when the moment hit us. She and her friends went out to dinner, and then she came home and watched television, something she hadn't done in weeks. Now she was done and could concentrate on cleaning out her locker, collecting her stoles and medals, and helping me with the IB Senior Celebration which I reminded her was at the top of the list.

Darcy: "Graduation is at the top of the list."

She spent days deciding on the perfect dress, and then she had to shop for shoes and make-up, despite my reminding her that all of that would be hidden under a gown and a cap. It wasn't as bad as it had been for prom, but it was a close second. Everyone in the house stepped back the morning of graduation and allowed her the shower and the room to get ready for the 4:00 p.m. graduation. She and her friend, with me in the back seat, left at 2:00 p.m. following her dad with a full van of family toward the home of the Tampa Bay Rays in St. Petersburg because nothing says graduation like one done on a professional baseball stadium.

I had done this once before, but that time I still had this one at home with another two years to go. This time, I realized was it. The end. I wouldn't be back here for any of my kids' graduations. I wouldn't see the teachers. I wouldn't hear the stories about their antics. I must have had a look on my face as all of that seeped into my brain because my family guests kept asking me how I was doing. I was okay.

I sat with my friend. Her daughter and mine have been together through fifteen years of school, starting when they were three years old. We were paired together in a goal of seat saving, but by the time the ceremony started we just sat down side by side, and I thought that fitting. We have been through it all together; the ups, the downs, the drama, the highs, the lows, and the drama. We have been a part of the drama, yet here we still sat. Together. Watching our girls still together. They will go their separate ways, and the future might not include them remaining together, and as we sat watching them walk the stage to pick up their diploma, that all flitted through my head. Once upon a time that would have wounded me, but I've learned, and I'm excited for both of them and for their new beginnings. If their friendship is strong, meant to be, then they will find a way, and if not, well, they had these fifteen years.

It was over in a blink of an eye. We hugged people and then walked around and around outside the stadium through the crowd searching for our kids. We took pictures. We paired them with one another, told them to smile, and then we hugged each other offering congratulations, My daughter beamed. She had come, conquered, and is now ready to walk off toward her next phase. And really, that's what it is all about.

Grad Week 2017 Part I

Several months ago my SIL and I discussed her coming to visit. She does this every year. She swears she is coming in February and then she doesn't come. I don't even get excited any more because I'm use to the disappointment. I blame my brother. This year after February came and went with her telling me she was still planning on coming, I just nodded. But then she suggested she would come during the week that her daughter would be out west on a senior trip, and suddenly, I thought maybe this would happen. I told her that was the week Darcy was graduating and we agreed this would be fantastic. When she sent me a text telling me to check my email, I knew she had booked her flight. It was exciting.

About three days before she was due to arrive, I looked at everything I needed to do that week and thought how this was not a good week for visitors as I would be darn busy and wouldn't have time to entertain. My SIL for the most part is quite content to sit all day by my pool, but she does need some transportation for things like food and the beach. So I worried some, but not really because I've learned from her to say, "Hey, this is what is happening, you knew that, deal with it. I'm sorry." I knew she would be fine, and I was excited about having her here because she always brings sunshine and levity. And my dog loves her and follows her everywhere, and after my week with him that was HUGE.

My SIL flies Allegiant. It flies out of her small airport into my small airport that is about fifteen minutes from my house and the entire trip is a little over two hours give or take tail wind. It's perfect. The only problem is Allegiant. They have been in the news for the past year regarding old planes, a CEO of a now defunct airline due to a crash, several electrical issues, a pilot strike, and yada, yada, yada. Since that airline is 90% of our local airport, the other 10% being UPS, it is a big deal here in our area, and so Allegiant, and it's troubles, is in our newspaper almost daily.

My SIL was scheduled to arrive on Sunday at 2:04 p.m. I had lost several days of sleep due to the dog so I thought this a great time as I could nap after church and before going to pick her up. Unfortunately, she texted that her flight was delayed due to mechanical issues. It wouldn't depart for two more hours. Great. Two more hours of sleep! I settled down. My phone kept going off with texts as my SIL informed me of more delays and more delays until finally the entire flight was canceled for the day. What?

My phone finally rang and my SIL tells me that she has found another flight leaving Indianapolis later that evening. My brother, very unhappily, agreed to leave work, drive her the three hours to Indy for her to catch this 8:00 flight. He would then drive three more hours to return home. I was shocked. I also thought my SIL had lost her mind. I kept asking my family why she would do this when Chicago and Southwest, my favorite airline, were only an hour and a half drive away. I mean, WHAT?

My SIL hates flying. She isn't a good traveler, and when she is solo, something she rarely does, she is a wreck. The fact that she was going to a large airport was unheard of, and so I worried. My nap was out of the question. I kept telling my older daughter that Monday would just be a wash as I knew my SIL would have a migraine and need to recover from this experience. I was beside myself with stress for her. Not to mention, my brother. For him to do this drive on a work day? What was happening? I should have been WAY more suspicious then I was, but again, lack of sleep.

My SIL got to Indy and an hour or so later she texts me that this flight has now been delayed. Seriously? I was a crazy woman worrying about her. But she was SnapChatting away with pictures of the airport and with selfies of herself in an empty airport and so on. I did finally comment to my kids that she was certainly handling this like a champ, which was odd, but her attitude and persona is very differently since her journey with cancer and so I wasn't as suspicious as I should have been. I was just excited she was coming.

The flight finally took off at 12:40 a.m. on Monday morning with an arrival of 2:54 a.m. my time. I decided not to sleep. Hell, at that point I didn't even remember what sleep was. Darcy and Tom went to bed, and Madison and I stayed up. We left to get them at 2:20 a.m. and we were the only people in the airport at that time of the morning. Everyone else sat in their cars to pick up curbside. It took forever for the plane to disembark, but Madison entertained me with college stories, and it was during one of those stories that my SIL arrived, waving and smiling like it was 8:00 in the morning. Next to her, walking toward me, was my cousin Jaimee.

Jaimee: "Am I family? I thought I just married your cousin."
Me: "Uh, sorry, you're in the family now, you lucky little thing you."

Jaimee, is the one I wrote about last week after she wrote such lovely things about me on her blog. I was a tad confused upon seeing her, and for some reason, my first thought was an angry one. I looked at her as Susan yelled surprise and I thought, "Why did she not tell me she was here for a medical conference?" She runs an entire hospital or something at her job and so I just knew she was here, in the land of old people and hospitals, for a medical conference, and my anger stemmed from the thought that she could have been using The Condo or staying with me instead of shacking up in a hotel. I thought this through hugs, conversation, and luggage claim. It wasn't until she began following us outside that I realized she was here for vacation Darcy's graduation. Surprise! My next thought was, "Where will she sleep?"

After that, it was all excitement. I promise. Truly it was. This woman tells stories that will have you laughing until peeing your pants and leaving you with your mouth agape. I made her tell her bat story three times, and now I wished I had taped her telling it because it should be a video on this blog. Truly. It's that good. She single handedly gets the bad guys, and has a one on one relationship with the FBI, and she has the stories to back that up. She's awesome.

So we drove home and stayed up until after 5:00 a.m. talking. We were up again in three hours because since cancer my SIL calls four hours a good night's sleep. I felt as a hostess I needed to be up with her. Either that or I had to go to the bathroom. I can't remember. Thus began the week and my sleep deprivation.

The cure to my sleep deprivation

As I wrote my entry on Sunday regarding my week from hell and my lack of sleep, I got on to Yahoo and the lead story, I kid you not, was titled, The Weird Side Effect of Not Getting Enough Sleep. People, the Internet watches you and knows. I'm just saying. Of course, I clicked on it. I mean, this was knowledge I needed because I was NOT GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP.

The article was all about a study some scientist-geeky-nerds had done and published regarding what can happen with lack of sleep. They took several people made them stay up with relatives who were visiting and then took their pictures. They also had people who got plenty of sleep and took their pictures after a well rested night. These pictures were then laid down like mug shots for others to study with the question that went something along the lines of "which of these people would you want to have over to your house for food, fun, and games?" Naturally, those people who hadn't slept in a few days and who looked like this:

were not chosen. At all. I mean, these were people who were in mug shot books all around the country, right? Who wants to socialize with those people? Then the article went on to quote a university psychologist who had nothing to do with the study because why not ask complete a stranger who has nothing better to do than give her opinion who said, lack of sleep obviously causes all sorts of physiological issues including impaired immune functions, cardiovascular horror health issues, and it screws up your metabolism which is why people like cmkerwin who don't get enough sleep are viewed as less healthy. Then because that wasn't nasty enough the article writer found another expert in a totally different field that had nothing to do with medicine who said she could understand why our germaphobe society didn't want to socialize with sleep deprived individuals because they were obviously, "less healthy". Then she must have felt bad about that, tried to backpedal with some such nonsense about how it could also be that tired people were too tired to socialize, but by then I felt the damage had already been done. 

The cure? Turn off your phone or computer an hour before bed, use your bedroom only for sleeping, and have a regular sleeping schedule. Thank god, I read all of that because I obviously need to make those adjustments. And I will. Starting next week.

Graduation hell week

This week was crazy. I was going to start off with it was the week from hell, but there was a lot of good about this week on top of the craziness and so I didn't think it said what I wanted to convey, but trust me it did kind of. Bottom line was I had no time to blog. Frankly, I had no time to sleep. Which, for me, was the worse thing about the entire week. This is what I look like today after this week:

I need sleep, a haircut, sleep, an eyebrow wax, sleep, and more sleep. I'm not sure when I will get it, but I dream about it when I catch three minutes of a nap while on the toilet, at stoplights, and when people are talking to me. I've learned to nap like that with my eyes open. It's pitiful, but enough whining. Let's dig even further into my week, or maybe two weeks because this did start prior. I sort of wrote about it last week.

1. Husband went to NC to move daughter home from college. I had full time dog responsibility.
2. Daughter began her IB exams. She was cranky. I walked around on egg shells, but apparently, according to said daughter, I was a raving bitch who didn't understand her stress level. Oops.
3. I proctored several days of IB exams. Days of sitting quietly. No talking.
4. I am currently, after six years, leaving our high school and the organization that I helped build. As secretary I had 34567,000 jobs and responsibilities and containers of paperwork. I have to get that organized and ready to pass on by next week. After....
5. I finish out two meetings. And...
6. I plan and help host an IB senior celebration for 140 people at a venue on Monday.
7. Company arrived on Sunday. No, they arrived on Monday at 3:00 a.m. due on Allegiant Air. No more needs to be said. 
8. Company, that was originally thought to be one person, became two people. Surprise! (That actually was a nice surprise and I was thrilled)
9. Daughter graduated on Wednesday.
10. We attended, and still have three more today, 456,000 graduation parties.
11. We had daughter's graduation party for 50 people at my house.

But the main part of the week was the fact that we did not go to bed earlier than 3:00 a.m. EVERY NIGHT. Every night, people! We acted like we were college kids again partying studying. For me, I spent most of my days getting ready for all of the above mentioned items so staying up into the wee hours was when I got to enjoy my company. In hindsight, yeah, it wasn't what I should have done. So forgive me for my lack of blogging. Rest assured though, I have a lot of entries coming up!

Week review

This has been a hard week. What I thought was going to be a laid back, get shit done, relaxed week was NOT. I hate when the expectations aren't the reality, but that's why we have liquor, right? Or lately, in my case, Starbucks. Here's a round up of our past week.

1. IB exams and an unhappy, grouchy, stressed out daughter - The youngest has exams until the day of graduation, and boy, is she not happy about that. I tip toe around her and bite my tongue when she starts that "I hate IB" mantra. She is over high school now and ready to move forward to the next phase. At this rate, so am I.
2. THE DOG - This has to be said in capitalization because, people, OMG! He has seriously shredded every nerve I had that wasn't snapped by the unhappy, grouchy, stressed out daughter. He refused to walk. He refused to poop until he just couldn't hold it any longer. He would tell us he need to go out and then he would plop down in the sun and would refuse to get up. He got me up every day at 6:30 after only a few hours of sleep because I didn't want to go to bed until the before mentioned study for exams daughter did. The blue hollow look under my eyes is currently scaring people.
3. Parties - I am in charge of the IB senior celebration, an event I helped put on two years ago when Maddy graduated. I begged. I pleaded. I asked the committee of seniors to please get started back in January on the planning, but did they listen? Now of course, I am running around town trying desperately to get this stuff done. I have one week left for that, but prior to that party is Darcy's party which I was hoping she wouldn't want. We have 7653423 parties to attend this year because my kid has tons of peeps. I'm already worn out, and I haven't even gone to one yet.
4. RSVP - People, I get that this translates into a language (French) you might not understand, Répondez s'il vous plaît, but surely, by now you know it means respond to that invitation in your hand. No, it doesn't mean to respond only if you are planning to attend. It also means to respond if you aren't coming. AAAAHHHHHH. I have two parties that I need feedback from invitees, and every day I run out to the mailbox or open up email to check these responses, and yet, I STILL HAVE PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T RESPONDED. Even with a stamped return envelope. Seriously? This needs to be taught in grade school.
5. Eldest daughter moving home - I sent Tom to NC to pack and bring home the kid. I tried to organize this thing months ago, but my husband, yeah, you know. So he would call me while out in the hallway of the dorms to gripe about said daughter and her "too much stuff". Meanwhile, daughter was in the dorm room texting me griping about her father and his "know it all attitude". Hilarious, but also annoying.
6. THE DOG - The night before Tom and Maddy returned the dog got something stuck on the roof of his mouth. Kelly, thank god she was here, straddled the pooch, pried his jaws open and pulled it out. It was a pink foiled chocolate of some sort. I searched the house but came up with nothing. At 2:00  in the morning I thought it odd the dog was not in my bedroom with me so I got up to find him. I found him in the Steelers room choking again. I couldn't help him because I am not someone who puts her delicate, baby bottom smooth hands anywhere near animal jaws so I had to drag Darcy out of bed. It took her several tries, but she got the wrapped fun size Three Musketeers bar off the roof of his mouth. I searched the house again, but other than an empty Easter Egg which I took to be the missing one we couldn't find, I came up empty. The next morning when I didn't get up by 6:30 despite his howling he left my room, returned, and puked up a chocolate bar and wrapped in my closet. I'm convinced he has a hidden secret stash that he keeps to use when he wants to piss me off. So far he is winning.

That realization that you still have one more

Spring in Florida brings the end of school, and because one of our kids is out of state thus begins the saga of getting her home. I'm a planner. I've been thinking of this since Christmas, wondering, worrying, going through various scenarios. My husband? Not so much. 

Tom: "What do you mean what's the plan? She comes home. That's the plan, right?"

Tom went to school in North Carolina. A million years ago, but in his mind it was yesterday. He hitchhiked, shared rides with other college kids, bought a motorcycle, and beamed himself home to hear his side of his stories. He thinks his daughter should be doing the same never mind that she got her license after turning 18 and hasn't driven since. He's annoyed that she chose to leave the state, and when I pointed out that he did the same thing, he gaped at me and then left the room. 

Last year I flew to North Carolina, rented a car, paid for a company to store her belongings, and we flew home together. The storage company kept only half of her things because her roommate took the other half to use for summer school. This year that wasn't going to happen so the price to house all of her stuff was outrageous, and we decided instead to rent a facility off campus which meant we would have to get her stuff there. My friend and I decided we would make an adventure of it, drive up, and linger coming home, but Madison's finals turned out to be the end of the week instead of at the beginning. Because I am heavily involved in Darcy's IB program and because IB exams are the entire month of May, leaving late was going to difficult. I had too many responsibilities.

Darcy: "I thought it was because you wanted to take care of me and see that I ate a good breakfast each morning. You did that for Madison when she was a senior."

I looked into doing the same thing I had done last year, but the rental car cost was outrageous, and the thought of hauling boxes and refrigerators up and down a million steps was not something a middle aged, fat woman with a bad back should be doing. So after weeks of losing sleep over the whole worry, I turned it over to the man who kept telling me he "knew a million people in North Carolina". 

Me: "Since you have all of these friends in NC why don't you just drive up and get her."

After getting over the initial horror of taking off of work, I think he actually began to look forward to the trip. He arranged for the storage unit, washed the car, and made plans to stop off in South Carolina to visit with my relatives on the way home. He left last night whistling, although I was at guitar lessons with my charge so I'm just picturing that's how he left. I know, I was happy for the reprieve of cooking meals and sharing the television.

Darcy: "Wait. You are making me breakfast in the morning, right?"

The only problem with the entire situation on our end was the dog. The dog who belongs to my husband lock, stock, and barrel. While I'm the one who is with him 24/7 during the day, my husband is the dog's one true love. He sleeps by him. He waits at night by the front door looking for his car. The dog knows the routine; up by 6:00, watch Tom shave, have breakfast, walk with Tom, play retrieve with Tom, watch him drive off to work, hang out with the old lady, wait for Tom to come home, walk with him, stick with him the rest of the night.

Three days before Tom was set to leave I began preparing the dog. I discussed how his daddy was leaving to pick up Madison. I stressed that he would be bringing Madison home and she would be here for three months. I discussed how sad it would be, but that they wouldn't be gone for ever, and would return by the end of the week. I'm a firm believer that this dog understands everything I say, and I talk to him constantly. Yet, still he love that man more.

When I got home last night from guitar, I reminded the dog that his master was gone for some time. While Tom had been home to collect his luggage and Darcy's car, I'm not sure the dog believed the man wasn't truly coming back later. The only way he would take his nightly walk was to have Darcy accompany us, and she did this begrudgingly.

Darcy: "I have to STUDY!!!"

I made her bring her book with her while we walked. The dog knows his routine, and by golly, he walks with his dad at night, and why-are-these-two-insisting-on-doing-the-deed-oh-look-squirrel. If two of us walk, then he believes he must go too to herd us properly. The nightly walk completed, I left him by the front door to stare longingly outside for his father to return. He cried and cried. It was quite pitiful. Closing the door, made it worse. Every little noise whether from the television or the dishwasher had him at the front door crying as if Tom were outside unable to get into the house. I finally sat down with him and had a frank talk.

Me: "I understand your unhappiness. I do. I sympathize with your situation. I do. But I told you this day was coming. He has gone off to pick up Madison and it will take several days, but he will return, and then Madison will be with him, and we will all be together all summer. And when he returns Aunt Susan will also be coming, and you and she will spend all week by the pool. It's like an added surprise!"

He stared at me with those brown puppy dog eyes and let me stroke him the entire one sided conversation. Then an hour later, as we were getting ready for bed, he stood by the front door and howled. Darcy tried to console him, and finally she laid him on Tom's side of the bed so he could smell his scent. When Tom Facetimed us, Elliot ignored him as he always does with telephones, but he knew it was Tom's voice, and I think that might have done the trick. 

This morning I was the one who fed him and walked him. Getting him around the block was a chore, and we were both hot and sweaty when we got home, but we got through it, and as I dropped ice into the coffee I had yet to consume, I realized that despite losing both girls in August I still had my son.

Tweet, tweet

I'm a Twitter lover. I've written about this obsession before, but lately I've used the social media platform to express my likes and dislikes regarding businesses that I use. Again, been there, done that, but hey, it's an entry and one that might help others. If you don't have a Twitter account, get one. It's a platform for saying all of those things that rattle around inside your head that you don't necessarily want to say out loud for fear of being looked at funny. Hey, on Twitter you can't see the people rolling their eyes. It's also a wonderful place to type out frustrations too.

I use my Twitter for mainly sports. During the football season, I'm on Twitter 24/7. I follow all of the Pittsburgh Steelers players, sports writers, Heinz Field employees, and other Steelers fans. They all keep me updated on everything black and gold. I follow other sports figures, mainly my favorites, but also accounts of players I admire or who just make me laugh. I follow authors, television actors, newspaper writers, colleges, and anyone who says interesting things that I want to read. I love Twitter.

Recently, during a period of several cable outages at the end of the football season, I was on hold with our cable company when an automated voice told me that I should report my issue via Twitter to the handle @Wowcares. Since I had been on hold for fifteen minutes while my husband, he who rarely watches football, ranted and raved because he was missing the National Championship game in college football being played one county over, I hung up and tweeted as the voice had suggested. Immediately, I got a response, and the next day I had a cable employee at my house who totally rewired my house. Not long after that, I watched a celebrity on Live with Kelly tell his Twitter story. His wife had left her laptop on an airplane and could not get anyone to help her. The airport people gave her a phone number to call, and the phone number never got her a human so the celebrity tweeted his frustration to the airline. He got a response and his wife got her laptop. He felt it was a case of his stardom and his one million followers, but I'm here to tell you that Twitter isn't just for the powerful people.

Now days companies with a salt have employees who do nothing but monitor social media sites looking to put out fires. My neighbor called me recently to gripe about the same cable company. She had recently switched to WOW on my suggestion, and had, after only two weeks of installation, lost her cable twice. She was not happy, and I immediately felt responsible. Knowing she didn't have Twitter, I tweeted to the same handle that had taken care of me previously, and after getting a response and giving them her account number and issue, she had her cable up and running in a half an hour, and a man at her house the next day to go over her installation. My neighbor thinks I'm a magician and is looking into the "whole Twitter thing".

While at the grocery a month ago, I stepped away from my cart and someone took the opportunity to steal my four Publix $1.99 reusable bags.  I didn't discover the theft until I got to the checkout lane, but after several discussions with employees and customer service I went to my car and tweeted my frustration. I mean, who steals reusable bags? I didn't tweet to complain about the company. I tweeted to bitch, to make myself feel better, but I used Publix's Twitter handle, and within five minutes someone from Publix reached out to me. I had multiple discussions with Catalina from @PublixHelps, who tried to find me some replacement bags. When she couldn't get me the exact ones that I had lost, she sent me some new bags, along with a lovely card. It took the sting out of my loss.

On the other side of this, I also tweet my happiness with businesses. Today I tweeted because I've used Walgreens photo department in the past two weeks for cards, a photo book, a poster, and prints. They have done a remarkable job, and so I tweeted my happiness. I feel it works both ways. Shout
out to those who go above and beyond! It's like filling out a comment card.

Darcy: "Yeah, but mom, you've bitched about three companies in the last two months. People are going to think all you do is complain on Twitter."

Me: "Hey, is it my fault that the last month has sucked in the business world? I'm doing these businesses a world of good by pointing out their errors. How else can they work on it?"

She rolled her eyes. I know she did.

Four month resolution check 2017

I grade from 1-10. I have yet to reach 100% in keeping my resolutions. Didn't happen these two months for sure. Ugh.

1. To cut down on my use of the word “fuck” - Here is the thing. I used this word yesterday while talking to myself which is how I remembered that it was time to check in on my resolutions so...this one is SO not happening. Grade:  3
2. To be better in touch with family, especially those who live locally. - SnapChat is saving my butt on this one. Plus, a death in the family had me reaching out to family by phone where I spent a lot of time catching up with relatives I rarely see. Locally, I spent Easter with family, visited with my SIL who was in town, had dinner with my MIL. I'm hanging on with this one, I think. Grade: 8
3. To lose weight…any amount. - Had my follow up appointment with my doctor regarding my new bp medication and it was all good. Best one I've had regarding blood work. Plus I had lost weight in the two month period between appointments. That counts! Unfortunately, I'm not doing a very good job of truly losing all the weight I've stacked on since my mother's death. But, baby steps, right? My doctor discussed this with me and gave me a plan. Now if I can just do it. Grade: 10
4. To Rent/Sell The Condo and the Wyndham: I'll give myself some points because my husband and I spent an afternoon discussing and crunching numbers on The Condo, but other than that, I haven't done a damn thing. Grade: 4
5. To write a romance novel. - Whoa, harder than I ever imagined. In my head, this story is awesome, but getting it down on paper? Yikes. I have joined a writing organization. I am signed up for the Romance Writer's Conference in July. I am studying the best way to go about doing this job. I am writing. Grade: 10
6. To find my next chapter, by trying new things, and by learning to deal with whatever is going on in my head. - Okay, so I forgot about this resolution since I just invented it the last check in, but I've got to say that I've done well with it despite my forgetfulness. Tom and I are both relaxing over the thought of our children being kaput come August. Maybe the fact that the youngest will only be an hour away helps, but we are slowly discussing and making a few changes here and there. Here's to new beginnings! Grade: 10

Total: 45 out of 60 - When I first sat down to write this, I was sure I had done worse than last check in, but HEY, I've exceeded even my own expectations. Three perfect 10's! Best thing I ever did was generalize these resolutions.

Am I really?

I belonged to BookBurb a site that offers discounted Kindle books through sites like Amazon. Each morning I receive an email giving me details on the types of genres I have selected, and some of the books are free. Since I have decided to focus on trying to finish a novel I have been reading like crazy, one of the things listed through my writing organization as a "must". All of this means that I get on my obscure email address that I only use for businesses every day. I didn't use to do this, but now I don't want to miss a freebie, and so I hop on the email daily.

Last night, before going to bed I realized I hadn't checked that email, and so I did. The first email was from Facebook telling me I had a message. Usually I delete those things right off the bat because they never give you any information, and most of the time I check in on Facebook every week or so and figure I'll see whatever Facebook believes I need to see immediately. This time, however, I stopped right before hitting the button because it was from my cousin's wife Jaimee, whose misspelling of her name drives me nuts because I have to look it up every time I type it. Her mom was a rebel! It said she had tagged me in a post, and because I was sure it was a photo I would not approve of I went to Facebook.

Sniff. Sniff. She had written a little something on her blog about how much I've got her fooled she loves me. I read it, and by the time I got to the end I was crying. It was lovely. But then I read it again as my daughter read it, and it was strange because I don't feel like I'm all that. Don't get me wrong, I think I'm a hell of a woman deep down, but on the surface I feel I have way too many flaws to be revered in a blog post. Recently, I was doing an introspective after an incident in a meeting where I kept bringing up the fact that I had been in the position of secretary for the last six years. I was trying to figure out if I wanted some sort of recognition, but a few days later when a teacher thanked me for all I had done in the last six years and told me I was wonderful, I shut down. Looking back on that, I was so very uncomfortable, and that's what I felt when I read Jaimee's entry.

I suppose it is interesting to see how people see you, but I think it's hard to see yourself through their eyes. In my high school year book peers wrote about how I was "sweet" and "funny". All I remember about high school was thinking that none of my peers even saw me, walking right past me in the hall. Or those that did notice me thought I was outdated, sad, and so "not with it". I realize now that is how I thought of myself, and while deep down I know I'm made of more substance, I'm constantly afraid that people will figure me out and be so disappointed.

Why do we, especially girls, do that? I'm a middle aged woman now, and I still feel like I'm that awkward teenager vying just to be noticed, respected, and loved. I've had moments where I felt on my game, where I believed I had done something wonderful, but those are few and far between. Choosing a job that people didn't consider a career, didn't help, and then when I quit all together to stay at home, well, I just went down another notch...in my mind, which I guess I believed millions of others thought. Of course, there are people out there who do believe this, and I know that from the question, "What will you do with yourself now that you won't have kids at home" is my first indicator. I think that question fuels my need to finish a novel. I like being able to respond to that with, "I'll be able to spend more time on my writing."

As I read it again while writing this entry, it suddenly came to me. I am that person. When I'm with Jaimee. She brings out the good in me because I love that she sees me as I want to be seen. I like making her laugh because her laugh is the greatest. She is the girl that in high school would have been in the clicky group that I wished would have accepted me. Making her laugh, makes me feel I've succeeded in some way. Yet, everything about her that I like is also part of who I am. We know it all, and if everyone would just listen to us, well, frankly, life would be perfect for him or her. While we are direct, we are also kind, and we would do anything for family. Truly.

We all want to be loved. To be recognized and be assured that we are good people. I've reread Jaimee's entry several times, and each time I've tried to be accepting, to see that person that she sees. Maybe I'll print out copies and hang it all around my house to remind myself that there is more to me than I see. I think it could be therapeutic. Thanks Jaimee for the kind words and dedication. I hope that when we move into our next life we hook up again to make the world a better place. And this time I hope people pay better attention to our direction!

I will miss...no, I won't

Darcy's last day of school was Friday. Today she begins her IB exams that run until the day she graduates. As her last bit of childhood education winds down, I've been thinking about all of the things I will and won't miss.

• Won't miss - rising at 6:00 a.m. - The worst ever. Our first week of high school I would fall asleep at stop lights while driving.
• Will miss - extracurricular activities - Especially the sporting events and theater shows.
• Won't miss - packing lunches - I will not miss coming up with ideas day after day after day.
• Will miss - hearing all of the daily stories - I LOVE these. Keeps me young.
• Won't miss - asking the question, "Do you have homework?" - Nope.
• Will miss - learning the new lingo - Who will keep me in the know?
• Won't miss - arguing with them about doing homework - Whoa, no more grouchy mom.
• Will miss - routine - There is something to be said for this. 
• Won't miss - projects - Ugh. The worst. Teachers do this just to annoy parents, I truly believe this.
• Will miss - having kids in my house - I was the mom that had everyone at her house. I loved it. Hearing their laughter, joking with them, it was the best.

I got a bit weepy this morning, but for the most part I think I'm doing well. The fact that my daughter won't be far helps, I think. We shall see how I do come August.

Springing forward

Living in Florida, I've come to enjoy winter. Most of the time here in the sunshine state the weather turns cool, and many days it is darn cold, but it is such a nice respite from the heat that I embrace it. This year I looked forward to it because my hot flashes disappear in colder weather. Just my luck. I moved here to escape the cold, and now I might have to leave here to escape the heat. More proof that we are never happy or satisfied.

Spring in Florida is all over the place. It can be cool. It can be beautiful with temperatures in the 70's or it can be hot and everyone moans because we all believe that means a miserable summer. Floridians love to hate summer. I used to dread spring because it meant getting organized for swim season, and while I loved teaching, it was hard to get back into the groove and then cancel lessons due to cool spring weather. Now I find I dread spring because it is when my parents died, and there is the whole remembrance of those dates.

When my brother called me to tell me my father had died, I remember asking my husband for the date. Even then, in my grief, I felt I needed to commit that date to memory. I blame him for that. He kept a little black date book and every new year he would transfer all of the important dates from his old book into the new book; birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and deaths. He always had that book on his person. As the years passed, his death date didn't always pop into my head, and sometimes it wasn't until someone reminded me or until that evening that I remembered the significance of the date.

I think it's odd to want to remember the day someone died. The day my dad died was horrific, or at least it was after I got the news, and why would I want to remember that? Now I've had to add my mother's death date to memory, and I definitely don't consider that day a good one. While my dad died suddenly and unexpectedly, my mother took five days in hospice to die. I'm not sure which is worse.

One died in March, the other in April. Spring. The time of renewal is more the season of death. I decided this year as winter was waning and spring was lurking that I would spend those two months remembering my parents instead of focusing on the dates of their deaths. I've welcomed spring with good memories, stories, and photos, and I've taken more time to do so than just one day. I like this way much better.