I sent SnapChat pictures of the waiting room each time I was sent back but didn't save any for the blog. The waiting room at the Life Scan Wellness Center was like most; sterile, clean, chairs, reading material, water, and food. I couldn't have the water and food because, for the Life Scan, I had to fast for twelve hours and drink over 20+ glasses of water forty-five minutes before my appointment. Sitting in the waiting room, I had to pee and needed to have my morning constitutional. I got relief for neither of those.
At first, I was alone in the room, staring down the hallway of the opened door that led into the inner sanctions of the wellness center. The center was relatively small and not how I'd pictured it. The radiology center where I had the CTA was more how I imagined this place, but the center was non-descript, and suddenly, I wondered if I had signed up for some type of diabolical sci-fi testing with a mad scientist. I mean, what really was Life Scan?
A young man with bulging muscles appeared, walked the hallway, came out into the waiting area, wished me a good morning, and got himself some water from the water cooler. Yep. That will be the exercise guru who will put me through that test, I thought. Always have to have the buff people.
Ultrasound Lady - "Carla?"
Me: "Cara?"
Oops. Apology. Then she chopped up the last name and issued another apology after I corrected her. Typical in my daily life, although as I signed paperwork, I had to mark out the "L" that she had added to my name. Not typical.
She told me she was the ultrasound technician, had me remove my shirt, and climb on to a table. The instructions for this appointment said to wear an exercise bra and exercise clothes, and she was relieved to hear that I had followed those instructions. Yeah, probably she thought that until she saw that it was old and really not very fitting. I had attempted to shop for a better one without luck, so I'd pulled out the old standby, one of those infomercial wonder bras. She refrained from making a comment.
The only ultrasounds I've had were when I was pregnant, went through menopause, and my heart. I was asked this question, but at the time, I only remembered the pregnant ultrasounds. The menopause one came to me later, and I mentioned that, but the heart I omitted. What did it matter at that point? I wasn't sure if memory loss would be written into the chart. Better to be safe.
She would ultrasound the hell out of all of my organs, makw comments when she found something, and explain as she went. The room was darkened and very, very silent. Was that a good thing, I wondered? Silence? Did I want her to talk? If she spoke, didn't that mean something was wrong? I decided soft music was needed in the room.
Ultrasound Lady - "I'm looking at your thyroid and your arteries."
Silence. Silence. Silence.
Ultrasound Lady - "You have a cyst on your right thyroid."
Me: (Silence as I processed this. What did it mean? Was that bad? What the hell was up with me and cysts? My doctor checks my thyroid levels every year. What is the point of that if I have a cyst we didn't know about?)
Ultrasound Lady - "I didn't look at your blood work beforehand. We'll check those thyroid levels. Have you had your thyroid checked before?"
Me: "Every year. It is always fine."
Ultrasound Lady - "Actually, you have two cysts on that thyroid. That's quite normal. If the lab work comes back normal, we will just keep an eye on that next year. It is very normal."
O-k-a-y? Already I was 0-2. That's what went through my brain. What did normal even mean? Now I was chanting, please be quiet, please be quiet.
Ultrasound Lady - "Now I'm going to check your organs in the stomach starting with the pancreas."
Me: Please be quiet, please be quiet.
Ultrasound Lady - "You have a HUGE cyst on your liver."
That's how she said it. HUGE. In capital letters. It annoyed me, not to mention scared me. I said I was aware that I had a cyst on the liver, but no one had ever said it was huge, let alone HUGE. She showed me the scan. It looked HUGE. She gave me the measurements. Then she told me as long as I didn't have any problems, they would monitor it next year. Check to make sure it hadn't grown. Uh?
By now, I gave up the chanting. It wasn't working. Thank goodness all the other organs were great. The ultrasound woman moved lower into the female region, and, of course, I had a cyst on my right ovary.
Me: "Great. I'm riddled with cysts."
Ultrasound Lady - "It's very normal. We all have cysts. Some people are more prone than others. Most of the time, cysts cause no issues."
Me: "Great."
I meant it sarcastically. Later, I remembered I already knew about that ovary cyst. Like the liver cyst, it had shown on some tests I had. That made me feel a tad better. I mean, my doctor has been aware of these and hasn't sounded the alarm. The ultrasound lady just kept telling me cysts were normal, and all was well--as long as my labs were fine. At which point, I wanted to yell that maybe she should've taken a look at those before we began. Instead, I kept quiet.
The last ultrasound was of the heart. A few "mild" issues of wall thickening and plaque. Nothing HUGE. I mopped up the gel while she finally took a look at my labs--all normal and FINE. I finally got to relieve my bladder. That was tested--normal. Then she sent me back out to the waiting area while she wrote up the results.
Ultrasound Lady - "You don't have any issues exercising?"
Me: "No, but I don't run. Unless someone is chasing me with a knife. So if Mr. Buff Body is thinking he's going to want me to run, he'll need a knife."
I went to the waiting area where two other people were waiting. The ultrasound lady told me I could eat but knowing I was exercising later I refrained from touching the packets of what I considered not very healthy niblets. Granola Bars? Goldfish? Was this some sort of test?
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