In my family, we collect Christmas stories--the zany things that occur over the holidays and immediately go into the family lore to be repeated each Christmas, so that the next generation will continue to pass it down.
Some star in multiple episodes more than others, but no one is immune.
This year the holidays started out with a bang-- only not on my direct side of the family. This happened on my husband's side, but, yep, no one is immune. I told my MIL this was going down in history.
MIL: "It's also going in my book. Under the chapter titled, The Finale."
My MIL awoke yesterday and went to get her paper. It was not where it should've been, and--please know the retelling of this tale has changed multiple times--it is my understanding she went to check to see if the paperboy had put it at her back door, which is at her enclosed porch off of her living room where the not yet decorated but fully lit Christmas tree resided.
When she stepped down into the porch, she stepped into a water puddle she discovered was coming from under the back door. We've had several rainstorms for two days, and she has an issue with drainage. She opened the back door and attempted to clean out the leaves and muck she felt was the cause of this catastrophe. Having accomplished that, she came back inside to mop up the water. With the towel that was under the Christmas tree.
MIL: "I pulled the towel, and the tree fell on top of me and knocked me to the floor."
Me: "Why would you pull that towel? You have a million other towels you could've used. Why would you use the one that was UNDER the Christmas tree?"
MIL: "Because it was there. I thought the water might be under the tree. Anyway, the tree toppled over, and then I toppled over."
Me: "With the tree on top of you?"
MIL: "Yes, and I hugged the tree and said, "Oh, Christmas tree, why would you do this to me?"
The story makes people chuckle or laugh until it comes to the part where my MIL fractured her back. That puts a downer on the regaling of the story where we spent four hours in the hospital. Until the story continues. You see, instead of pushing her alert bracelet for medical attention, my MIL called her daughter.
MIL: "I thought, well, maybe this isn't so bad, and Julie can help me."
Her daughter Julie was at the dentist's, and her phone was off. So Grandma figured she'd better push the alert button, and then while she lay there, she called her son Richard who was just in the act of turning off his own phone as he boarded a plane to FL.
Me: "Why would you call your son in CA?"
MIL: "I wanted him to know I wasn't going to be able to pick him up at the airport."
Richard called me, and I called Julie's husband and sent him to the rescue. He got there the same time as the firemen.
Nurse: "Were the firemen good looking?"
Julie: "YES! YES! YES!"
Julie and I both got the call from the alert team informing us help was on the way. Julie went to Grandma's and met her husband and apparently the firemen. An ambulance transported Grandma to the hospital, where I met her.
MIL: "I have everything done. I made cookies. I bought all my gifts and wrapped them. I'll need to let you know where I put those. Oh, and I made caramel rolls. I didn't get to have one of those this morning with my coffee. Darn it. I don't even know if they are good or not."
Julie: "They are. I had one."
Me: "While staring at the hot firemen?
Julie: "Exactly!"
Me: "No, really, you ate a caramel roll before you packed your mother's clothes and medicine and met us at the hospital?"
Julie: "Yes. They're her caramel rolls!"
The entertainment went on like this at the hospital. The staff got Grandma up and walking because not much is done for a fractured back except pain management. She'll have to see a specialist for further evaluation, but at least she is home for the holidays. I tagged the son who landed in FL to take over from our duties on her release. We waited forever for him to arrive, only to find out he'd taxied first to Grandma's house to unload his stuff.
MIL: "I just want to go home and have a caramel roll."
Son: "Wait? There were caramel rolls? I didn't see those when I was at your house."
I think maybe this in-law family lore might just top my own.
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