Monday NFL recap - week 6

Steelers: Ugh. We always underestimate the mediocre teams, and never come out ready to kick ass. As a fan it is frustrating. I get that teams are going to have bad games, but we ALWAYS have these crazy, eyes rolled back in the head, no energy games. Why? Somewhere something is wrong.

• More injuries? I mean, how is this happening? Every snap we have someone leaving the field. I think we need to start looking at a switch of workout trainers. Heywood-Bey goes to the locker room with heat cramps? The trainers did know that Florida is hot, right? Did he get some water after running for that 60 yard touchdown? Lawrence Timmons puking after a tackle. Ugh. Ridiculousness.
• I think the most annoying thing about the weather was that my husband Tom mentioned it while making me nuts with all of his "football knowledge spew". He said the Steelers would have trouble with the heat. Grumble, grumble, grumble. He jinxed us.
• Big Ben went down with a knee injury with minutes left in the first half, and just like that we were deflated. We didn't rise up like the rest of the NFL. Instead we made stupid penalties as if retaliating. We have got to have leadership when Ben is down. Someone has to pull Ben up when he is down. Isn't that the coach's job? Come on Tomlin. Stop being these guys friends and yank them up by the laces.
• The Dolphins rushed 222 yards against the Steelers defense. No excuse there. They should be damn embarrassed this morning.
• I get that we were planning on the run due to the Dolphins crappy defense, but if that was the plan why not play both Bell and Williams?
• Yesterday the word was that Ben would have an MRI this morning, and my thought was why is it that all athletes wait until Monday for tests? Is the insurance that crappy that they can't go to the ER? Then, as I went to bed at midnight I got the news that he had the MRI and will have surgery this morning on a torn lateral meniscus in his left knee. Gone for at least three weeks. We have a bye week in week 8. Without Ben this team is nothing. We have no elite back up. 
• And why do we not have a decent back up quarterback? That's been a sore point with me for awhile now. With Ben's history? Come on.
• The Bengals and the Ravens lost. Only saving grace.
• This is the same thing every year with the Steelers. Between injuries and suspensions this team has floundered. Ben has missed 21 games in the past. Something isn't right.
• My nephew likes the Dolphins. I talked out loud to him during the game (he wasn't there, mind you), wondering what the hell? He then texted me after the game, and my daughter was horrified at my initial response. Listen. If you are a fan like I me, sitting through that game, watching the same shit over and over again, well, you might have responded the same way. I didn't blame him for texting. I knew he was jesting and ragging. It's what competing teams and fans do. I thought it was funny, but I apologized later. This is football. This is me and football. Text at your own risk.

Other:

• The topic on CBS' The NFL Today was celebrations in the end zone. Just as the game is evolving and the rules changing, this celebrating after scoring is too. The NFL doesn't want teams to alienate each other by shoving a touchdown in the other teams' face. Yep. That's what any good coach teaches from the beginning when kids first start out. Bottom line, and I don't remember who said it, is that the rules are iffy. The rule is going to have to say, catch the ball, drop it, and walk away. That's it. Boomer Esiason said he told his teammate Ickey Woods to do his "Ickey Shuffle" on the sidelines instead of the end zone, and that's what these guys are going to have to start doing. Until the NFL rules that out too. 
• I LOVE Erin Andrews. Can we just have her do all of the one on one interviews in all sports? She is just a natural, and truly loves what she does. 
• Eli Manning got his 300th career TD pass, and just like that we have two Mannings in the record books.
• Sure looked to me like pass interference on Seattle's Richard Sherman there at the end in the game with Atlanta. That was Sherman's arm holding back Julio Jones' arm while the ball was flying through the air. Cost the Falcons the game. Maybe we should allow players a challenge like in tennis.
• I got the Dallas/Packers game in my area instead of Atlanta/Seattle because...yeah, I have no clue seeing as I'm closer to GA than I am to TX and WI, but I have to tell you I wouldn't give Tony Romo his job back. Nope. Dallas looks great.
• I think Romo and Roethlisberger might be done in the NFL with the injuries. I just see Romo getting hurt again, and the same for Ben, especially if he comes back too soon. At some point it is over. Ben's post conference seemed telling. "I'm not really that mobile anymore anyways."
• The two teams that are perplexing are the Packers and the Colts. What is happening there?
• Okay, the post conference interview with Patriots Rob Gronkowski was just weird with all of those stupid fashion questions. No wonder these guys hate speaking to the media.
• I want to know how many serious injuries occur each week. Is someone keeping those stats?
• I don't like ESPN's NFL football crew on Sports Center this year. I don't care for Tim Hasselbeck. I don't like the goofy women. I miss the old team. I'm old. Sigh. 

2016-2017 NFL picks - week 6

Denver over San Diego - I wanted to go the opposite, but I second guessed myself. Ugh. That's the theme this week for me.

Buffalo over San Francisco - Second guessing this one. Colin Kaepernick is back, and if I were him I would be pumped what with all he has gone through in the past six weeks, but the Bills are at home so I'm counting on a little rustiness from the 49ers. But then again...

Chicago over Jacksonville - Toss up.

Detroit over Los Angeles - I haven't seen the Rams since they made the move, but the Lions behind their quarterback when he is hot are hard to beat.

Tennessee over Cleveland - I don't even know what to say about the Browns. God love them.

Pittsburgh over Miami - The talk is the brothers Pounceys finally going up against each other. Ugh. Not a fan of either one, and I don't think either one of them define their teams. N-o-t-at-a-l-l. My boys had better not think they have this one in the bag and come out sluggish.

New England over Cincinnati - Pfft. What happened to the Bengals?

New Orleans over Carolina - I'm not feeling Cam's love anymore. He seems lost since his loss in the Super Bowl, then he got his bell rung, and now he's back, but barely. Hmmm...I went with the home team, although frankly, they are wishy washy as hell.

Baltimore over Giants - New York's quarterback Eli Manning spends more time on the ground than on his feet and now he has to go up against the Ravens defense.

Philadelphia over Washington - Okay, last week the Skins played the best football thus far, but it wasn't enough to convince me against the Eagles.

Oakland over Kansas City - Jack Del Rio has got his team believing and slowly he has got me coming around too.

Dallas over Green Bay - Was there a more boring game than the one last Monday night with the Packers and the Giants? Not impressed with either team after that debacle, but it was better than watching the alternative. The Packers are hard to beat at home, the Cowboys have persevered after losing their quarterback, so well, I went crazy.

Seattle over Atlanta - I like the Falcons (Super Bowl pick). I truly think they are the team of the year thus far (go on everyone, keep talking about the Patriots), but something held me back on this one. Its tough to travel that far and beat the Seahawks in that loud stadium.

Indianapolis over Houston - The line is the other way, but I guess I still have a soft spot for Andrew Luck. Plus, I have too many Colts on Fantasy teams.

Arizona over Jets - Yeah, if the screw up Cardinals show up for this game I still say they beat the Jets.

5 Midweek musings

• Has anyone else noticed that this fall season of television has the same actors guest starring on different shows? It's driving me crazy. Tate Ellington from Quantico has shown up on Rosewood and The Blacklist playing a nut case both times. I wanted to shout, "He's really an FBI agent undercover!" Also, spotted Scandal's Matthew Del Negro as a suspect on Elementary. I'm having a hard time with them portraying someone else while still currently on another show. "That's the President's Chief of Staff's husband, not the bomber!" Have we run out of actors? Because if so I have a nephew who has a resume.
• During a visit to my dentist wearing my Steelers shirt, his dental assistant wanted to engage me in a discussion regarding Colin Kaepernick and his kneeling during the National Anthem. She didn't like my response and proceeded, in a strangled voice, invading my personal space, to tell me that 78% of African Americans were criminals. It was the most stomach churning bunch of crap I've heard, and it made me want to put my hand on Kaepernick's shoulder while he knelt.
• We have one month left in the "hurricane" season. Do the storms in the Atlantic Ocean and the Gulf of Mexico know this?
• Swim season is ending soon for my daughter. Her last swim season. It feels like yesterday when I watched her swim her first season. Why does time seem to go faster when you are a parent then when you are a child?
• My purging has settled down some. I got rid of a lot, but not enough. Where did all of this stuff come from? How is it we accumulate so much? My desk alone is full of nonsense. I realized that my mother's death, my friend's son's burning of his apartment, and the recent hurricanes have made me want to purge, but this week I really came to the conclusion that it is my lack of a coffee table and end table since purchasing my new couches that really has made me see the simplicity of less.

Monday NFL recap - week 5

Steelers: - My buddy was texting from Heinz Field where he had seats on the 30 yard line. I had to watch via the computer while listening to Steelers radio.

• We always play well in those bee uniforms. I love them.
• October in the NFL means pink. I got out my pink Terrible Towel( that I received when I went to Heinz Field in October ) to wave with the home crowd.
• Today's receiver was Sammie Coates, although he missed two key passes, but in his defense the man cut his hand and had to have stitches. Still he shook that all off and made some key catches, ending with two touchdowns from Big Ben.
• Of course, all the media wanted to talk about was Tom Brady, and that is just fine with us. Big Ben put up 34-47 for 380 yards, and four touchdowns earning himself more places in the record books both in the league and within the organization, and he did it quietly without any big hype. Just the way we like it.
• Team had only one penalty. One. Now that's what I'm talking about.
• When it came to protecting the quarterback, the offensive line gave Ben tons of time to sit in the pocket and look down the field. 
• Jets quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick looks like an old man with that big, bushy beard. It isn't working for him, and someone should let him know that.
• No gyrating for AB this week even after scorning a touchdown. Apparently, $24,000 for his last booty shimmy was the answer to him settling down. He is appealing that fine. He did have to remove his tribute shoes, this week it was hail to Mohammed Ali, when the referees spoke to him during warm-ups. I'm not sure why he keeps thinking he doesn't have to follow the rules.
• But I did like him acting like Cam Newton and giving the ball to a woman on the sideline holding a giant Antonio Brown head. Oh, and she got a hug. Way better than his twerking. But...what is with this big head trend?

Other:

• Seriously, I'm starting to join the bandwagon in believing the Browns are cursed. Another quarterback bit the dust yesterday for Cleveland and then his backup got hurt. They are like on their 13456 quarterback, and I'm thinking that I might not answer the phone if I were a quarterback sitting on the couch at home.
• Of course, all the media wanted to talk about was Tom Brady's return, Tom Brady's ability to go out and throw, and Tom Brady's staggering stats. Again..really? Brady's return from a suspension shouldn't have been heralded, should it? He was involved in cheating. Brady can still throw? What? Not being in the stadium makes your arm tender? Brady's numbers? He played against the worst team in the league, the team who is now on their umpteenth quarterback. One headline actually suggested that football is now starting now that Brady's back. Uh....what has been happening for the past four weeks? People! The man was suspended, not on vacation. Let's remember that.
• The Vikings 5-0 without their quarterback and without their running back. Anyone stepping up and making a prediction this early?
• The Colts are saying quarterback Andrew Luck's $122 million dollar contract signed over the summer is making life difficult for building their team. So, isn't that something that you should have thought about before backing up the Brink's truck into the Indiana Farm Bureau Center?
• So San Diego on third and one opted to run from behind the line of scrimmage. When that didn't work instead of going for the win they opted to kick for the tie, and holder Drew Kaser bobbles the ball and loses it. Hello, Chargers, you have someone named Phillip Rivers running your team. Why? How come we aren't talking about rolling heads in San Diego?
• Eli Manning's face said it all when he was asked about what he "tells" Odell Beckham Jr. in regards to reigning in his temper. An oh-Michelle-he-is-a-grown-man -what-would-you-say-to-him look.
• I think all of the commercials that Packers Aaron Rogers has been doing this year have actually made him more relaxed and, frankly, likable. 
• Whoop! Whoop! Baltimore loses! Whoop! Whoop! Cleveland loses! Whoop! Whoop! Cincinnati beaten! What a great Sunday for football.

2016-2017 NFL Picks - week 5

Arizona over San Francisco - I knew Palmer was gone, but with how well the back-ups have played this season I said, what the hell.

Tom Brady New England over Cleveland - Tom Brady is back. I giggle at all of the hype. It's all the sports world can talk about. Really? They are playing the Browns, people. Settle down.

Philadelphia over Detroit - This is a game I'd like to watch. I always have high hopes for the Lions quarterback Stafford, but the Eagles are coming off of a bye.

Indianapolis over Chicago - If the Colts, lose this one heads just might roll! Or so the media wishes.

Miami over Tennessee - My back and forth pick. I keep picking the Titans, and except for week one they haven't delivered. This time I went with the home team.

Minnesota over Houston - Can they really pull off another win?

Pittsburgh over Jets - Let's hope the Steelers are still feeling last week's performance. Besides my buddy is attending today.

Baltimore over Washington - The Redskins would have to really be impressive, and so far this year they haven't come anywhere close to that.

Atlanta over Denver - Whoa. Going out on a limb here, but truly the Falcons are playing some good football. Can they still do it against this defense? Take chances, people.

Cincinnati over Dallas - Another toss up.

Oakland over San Diego - I kind of wanted to go with the Chargers, but I got sucked into the whole Raider Nation thing.

Green Bay over Giants - Have both quarterbacks in my fantasy, but poor Eli spends more time on the ground.

Tampa over Carolina - Hey, gotta have one wild card.

From the purge - homemade cards

I'm finished with the purge project. It didn't take as long as I thought, yet I still have stuff scattered around Madison's bedroom where I worked. I don't know what to do with this last bit of stuff like my Sony walkman, a hand held cassette player, my unfinished stories. I feel like I shouldn't chuck these things, but don't know what the point is in keeping them. I got rid of quite a bit of stuff, but held on to more stuff than I thought I would. I did a good job of putting things into category envelopes and writing on the outside so my kids will have some idea of what is what when it is their turn to dive into this stuff and purge.

Back in my day, dare I say the old days, we didn't buy cards we made them. Our parents sat us down with construction paper and markers and told us to create. Even as we got older and could buy our own cards, we stuck to the tradition, realizing even then that these cards meant more. Here are a few that were held on to.

A mother's day card my mother kept. It was in the folder of keepsakes she passed on to me years ago during her own purging phase. It was probably done in school, although my dad was good about directing us children in card creations.

A family portrait. I'm not sure why my mother and brother ended up with legs and my father and I didn't. But we all looked good and happy. This was to my whole family.

This was a card from my neighbor across the street, Michelle, who reads my blog. Hi Shell! We were the best of friends and we went through a huge phase where we created our life stories, usually using pictures cut out of magazines. I got rid of those several years ago during one purging phase because I didn't look like any of the women she cut out for me. Nor did I have the amount of children we tended to give ourselves. But this book, handmade and full of photos, was and is still a keepsake. Especially the last page!

Guess what? The fingernail chewing hasn't gotten any better even today! But thanks for pointing that out, over and over, and over again.

I remember this birthday party because it was "themed" and so unlike anything my mother would have done. I'm assuming the birthday girls was Snow White while her guests were all dwarfs. That alone is hilarious! I certainly hope there are more photos of this birthday

Some of these pictures I have, but I'm going to scan the others to have in my scanned group of photos since they are so good.

Love the "good drugs" comment because that was a saying our generation said, well, the generation of kids who never did drugs. We thought it made us cool.

Finally, "The Poem". It's my favorite. Oh, thanks Michelle. It was a great card!

From my Daddy. Every holiday and birthday he had cards and goodies waiting for us at our place setting on the kitchen table. I have several of his store bought cards that he use to give me when I got older and they are the best. He loved sending cards and was always on time. That trait skipped me...obviously.

Hey, maybe that's my new birthday thing for next year. I'll make everyone's cards! Maybe the creativity will inspire me. Or not. Maybe it's just a lost cause. But I do appreciate those people who actually get me cards on time, homemade or not.

2016 Fall TV preview

Each year I try to watch all of the new shows that the networks plop up on our television screens. I'm a television junkie. As I write this, I am watching Live with Kelly, something I rarely do and only did because I turned on the TV to check the progress of Hurricane Matthew. Instead of landing on the Weather Channel, I landed on the morning talk show where my vote for Kelly's co-host, Fred Savage, was sitting in the co-host chair. I rarely watch television during the day unless I'm ironing. I truly can not iron without a distraction, and television provides that. Sometimes it actually gets me to iron because I feel guilty watching television during the day. As soon as I turned on the television today, the mailman knocked on the door with my latest Amazon package, and I felt the need to explain why I was watching television. He could have cared less.

Me: "It is really nice out. I should take the dog for a walk."
Him: "It is great. There is a breeze and its overcast. It's a great time for a walk."
Me: "Well, I just turned on the TV right now to check the Weather Channel to see the update on the storm, but I don't know what channel that is on my cable."
Him: "Is he a good walker?"

So being the junkie of television that I am (at night, cough, cough), I like to try to watch all of the new shows of the season and give my readers my opinion. It is only my opinion, and obviously not being considered by the networks. Out of the 17 shows I reviewed last year, I gave eleven a score higher than 5, and only five of those shows are returning, and one of them I gave up on toward the latter part of the season. But, in my mind, this just proves that the majority of television viewers are idiots and don't know good writing and acting. I do. So there. THE GRINDER, PEOPLE. BEST SHOW THAT GOT CANCELLED.

In the past I've rated them 1-10 which I'm changing up this year. I'm going to grade them A-F this year in the good old school fashion because frankly, some of them are F$;^%$. I made that word up, by the way. I will tell you, as I always do, that I am more of a drama person and not so much a sitcom watcher. I rarely find them funny. Most of them I find juvenile and poorly written, and catering to, well, the idiots I mentioned early. So keep that in mind, and if you like the shows I dislike, well, ahem, love you...

2016 New Shows I viewed

• Bull - I've watched two episodes of this show. It reminds me of Lie to Me, a fav show. The premise is that Dr. Bull, played by Michael Weatherly, is an expert at helping lawyers pick out juries. This show is based on the early life of Dr. Phil McGraw. WHAT? Who knew? I liked the second show better than the first, and I'll tell you that while I find it basic, I think the problem lies with Weatherly for me. He is no Tim Roth. I don't know Weatherly, an alum of NCIS (a show I never watched, but one my mother loved), but I feel like in this character he is trying too hard. I want to believe the character is that person. I don't believe Weatherly is Bull, or even that he likes the guy. I'll keep the show in my cue as a fluff show to watch when I'm ironing or just need my mind to rest. Number of episodes watched: 2 Grade: C

• Conviction - The president's daughter, poor little thing, has felt alienated and left out her entire life while her parents danced along the political trail. To compensate for her pitiful childhood, teen angst years, she does naughty childish things, the last being getting caught with cocaine in her possession. To keep her from going to jail, her mother works out a deal with the district attorney. In exchange for a clean record she agrees to head his new Conviction Integrity Unit. So she and her team look into wrongful convictions each week and save the day. Uh, nothing new here. Team comprised of people with background issues, lead character is beautiful with an expensive wardrobe, sexual tension, yada, yada, yada. Not horrible, but not great. Fluff TV. Number of episodes watched: 1 Grade: C

• Designated Survivor - First of all, how many people even knew this was a real thing? Just in educating the public alone raises this show. In our country one member in the presidential line of succession, usually a member of the Cabinet, is kept in an undisclosed location when the president and other top leaders are gathered at a single location in case of a catastrophic event that would wipe out the big guys. This is the truth and the premise of the show, and I love it. Keifer Sutherland is good as the Department of Housing and Urban Development who suddenly becomes the president when a bomb goes off during the State of Union Address. While the Capitol and bomb scenery are SO terribly fake, the rest of the show is pretty good. Sutherland is over his head thrust in his new roll, still reeling from losing his co-workers, but slowly he is adjusting and trying to do what is right for the country. If only we had two candidates running today that felt that way. This isn't up to the par of Madam Secretary, but it is a close second. Number of episodes watched: 2. Grade: B+

• The Good Place - I try to watch each episode twice, but I just couldn't with this one. Tom and I both gave it a try, and while I would have ended it way earlier than we did, we continued to slog through it trying to make it to the end. We didn't make it. I like Ted Danson and love Kristen Bell's commercials with her husband Dax Shephard, but this show, despite being created by a The Office and Parks and Recreation alum, sucked. Sorry, to those who like it, but I just couldn't find anything to like about Bell's character. Frankly, when I head out of this world and into my next I want it to to be smooth sailing, and to land in a world where someone else is screwing it all up for me, after I worked so hard to be good? Yeah, ugh. It wasn't very funny to me, although the reviews were great. Maybe just my sitcom phobia, and I should give it another try like I did Life in Pieces which I rated a 7 and would now give it a 10. But I probably won't. Ted Danson deserves better. Thank god Larry David is planning another season of Curb Your Enthusiasm so Danson has a decent role. Number of episodes watched: 1 Grade: F

• Kevin Can Wait - I don't see the difference between this and main man Kevin James' King of Queens sitcom which I actually liked in reruns. He was his usually funny self, but the wife turned me off maybe because she wasn't Leah Remini. Nothing really wrong with this show, but not for me. Number of episodes watched: 2 Grade: C

• Lethal Weapon - I gotta tell you that I'm over the whole cars, trucks, vans, etc. coming out of nowhere and smashing into a main character's car. Sometimes they live and sometimes they die, but I find myself constantly worrying I'm going to get hit as I drive through intersections. Having said that, the rest of the show went better than I expected. The partnership is close to the original, the dialogue comical, and while the plots are like all cop shows on television, there were surprises that kept me watching. Damon Wayans needs to relax some to pull off the Danny Glover character, but Clayne Crawford does a fine job pulling off Riggs. Number of episodes watched: Number of episodes watched: 2 Grade: B+

• MacGyver - Can we not come up with anything new? Why are we rebooting old shows? It is always hard to compare new shows to old ones, but in this case I never watched the original MacGyver. I will say, however, that Richard Dean Anderson was way hotter than this baby faced MacGyver. I did not like the voice overs explaining things to me like I'm a child, and I didn't feel much for the team of operatives, although I did like the role of Jack Dalton. He should have been MacGyver. You want to watch a show just like this one that was WAY better? Try Leverage on Netflix. Number of episodes watched: 1 Grade: D

• Notorious - I didn't know what this show was about even after watching it. TV Guide had to fill me in, and even then I was asking, "what" because I think it missed its mark. We have two stories going on, one a lawyer with his clients, the other a news producer with her show, eventually merging, but everyone is too beautiful and too unlikable in this show. Probably the only reason I watched it a second time is because of Daniel Sunjata, my boy from Rescue Me. He is nice on the eyes. Now he would have made a better MacGyver. Number of episodes watched: 1 Grade: D

• Pitch - I don't believe that women will ever break into the men's professional league, at least not in the next three years, but I like the belief. Maybe I'll be wrong and a woman will coach in the NFL, but for now I'm content to watch a woman playing in the MLB league in Pitch. Kylie Bunbury rocks in the role of Ginny Baker, and it is nice to see Dan Laurie back on the screen, although if he doesn't get on board with a girl on his team and take care of his locker room he might not be around much longer. Havng the old guy about to be forced out as Baker's ally, is good, and Mark-Paul Gosselaar is good in that role. This season is all about remakes and twists, and this show delivers the twists, but the writing is solid, the story new, and the cast exemplary. Number of episodes watched: 2 Grade: A

• Son of Zorn - This show is one you either laugh at or you don't. The main character is a cartoon who use to be married to a human. He returns to earth to get to know his son, and hilarity ensues. Frankly, I laugh out loud. Creative, stellar cast, and sharp, witty zinger lines. It won't be for everyone, but hey, it isn't the same old, same old, well, except for the penis and pee jokes. (Hey, writers, NOT needed)  Number of episodes watched: 3 Grade: A

• Speechless - Minnie Driver and Micah Fowler make this show. A sitcom that dares to discuss a not usually discussed topic, and a cast that includes an actor who actually has cerebral palsy. The writing isn't top notch with too many cliches, but I can root for a mother who will do anything to get her son a chance at a normal life. Number of episodes watched: 2  Grade: B

• This is Us - BEST SHOW THIS SEASON. Good writing, good acting, believable characters, and twists that keep us interested and coming back. The first episode I didn't see the twist coming, the second I did, but I love the surprises. Also, love that a show is finally addressing overweight issues in a real light, but I do find it hard that fraternal twins (triplets, but one dies) have such a huge discrepancy in body types, especially with the parents skinny as twigs. Number of episodes watched: 2. Grade: A-

*** Huge Shout to Fox who makes it super easy to watch shows online, including interactive commercials that cut down the time spent watching the same ads over and over again. No making me sign in, no asking me a million questions, just hey, welcome to our network, feel free to catch up on our great show.

Homecoming 2016

Darcy started out this year with the intent to embrace every moment of her senior year, and so far, as she heads into the third month, she has done so. This past week was homecoming week, and despite important tests and papers due she managed to create and put together her homecoming required outfits. The committee assigns theme days for the students leading up to Friday where, before the big game, they have a spirit free for all on the field. The game was played on Friday and the dance on Saturday. She had a very busy week.

Senior Day

Me: "Why do you all have to portray seniors as old, hunched over humans with walkers and canes?"

Darcy: "Because that's more fun."

Tacky Tourist Day

Tom: "You look like your mother."

Darcy: "That's what I thought. This is mom on her way to Disney."

Me: "F**k you'all."

Pack Day

Me: "Who is Christopher Robin?"

Darcy: "None of the guys wanted to join this group today so we don't have one."

80's Day

Tom: "Hey, there Jane Fonda!"

Darcy: "Who's that?"

Packers Day

Me: "Why does everyone think pigs are pink? Have you seen a real pig?"

Darcy: "Who cares? I can't breathe."

Homecoming 2016

Who's the Steelers fan?

After our recent AC upgrade, we discovered that we could receive a rebate from our electric company. A kind of atta-boy pat on the back for fuel efficiency. In order, though, to receive this rebate a representative from the electric company had to come to our house and do an energy inspection. Tom set all of this up because he is the king of rebates. He mentioned the date, but I didn't stick it on the calendar, and so when he called to give me a heads up reminder I thought he was calling to tell me a) he had forgotten his wallet, b) our credit card had been hacked,or c) he needed me to check some part number. Those are usually the reasons he calls me during the day. Other husbands just call to say hey, but my husband doesn't call unless it is one of the above. He also doesn't cut to the chase.

Me: "Yes?"
Him: "Are you home?"
Me: "Not to be a smart ass, but you did call the home phone, so what do you think the answer to that question is?"

Hmmmm....maybe that is why he doesn't call to say, "hey". He told me the inspector was due to arrive around ten, that he had forgotten all about it, that he had planned to be there for the inspection, but had forgotten he was in a class all day. He gave me a few specifics that I was suppose to spout to the inspector, but I promptly forgot most of it. I told him I would do my best to get us a pass, hung up the phone, and BAM the doorbell rang.

The man at the door was at least 6'9 and weighing in at 230. He had a man satchel over his right shoulder, a clipboard in both hands, a box resting on top of the clipboard, and a piece of yellow paper gripped in one hand. The dog, of course, was barking as if an intruder were at the door, and so I opened the door and went outside to talk to the guy.

Me: "Are you here for the dog?"
Him: "What?"
Me: "The dog. I'll give him to you cheap."
Him: "Oh, ha, that's funny. No, I don't need a dog."
Me: "He thinks he's an attack dog, but he wouldn't know how to attack. He'll just sniff you, get bored with you, and go back to his spot on the couch."
Him: "Good to know."

I always feel the need to tell strangers about to enter my house about the dog because I hated it when dogs jumped all over me when I would go to people's houses for swimming lessons. Some dogs sound ferocious  and scare the crap out of people, so I like to give everyone a heads up that my dog is only hoping for a T-R-E-A-T.

I invited him inside, and he stood engulfing my living room, standing awkwardly with his teetering tower of stuff. I suggested he put the stuff down, and he gratefully unloaded it on to my couch. He inquired as to why we had summoned this inspection, and I tried hard to spit out what Tom had told me to say. I managed it well enough, although he had a peculiar look on his face and questioned me on some of it. I fessed up that the husband had just called me and given me the particulars, but that I was a menopausal woman who hadn't planned on this interruption, and therefore, was lucky to have remember the parts I did spout out. He agreed it was good enough and asked if any rooms were off limits. I told him to inspect away, and led him at his inquiry to the entrance to our attic which is in the garage. As we came back into the house, he asked the question that I get from every stranger who enters or knocks on my house.

Him: "Who's the Steelers fan in the house?"

Just five days prior to this guy asking me this, I actually had a lawn guy knock on my door to ask that question because he was from Pittsburgh and just wanted to talk. I went outside (to avoid the barking dog) and we spent twenty minutes talking football. He shook my hand and thanked me before aerating my lawn. I have no idea if he was suppose to aerate my lawn, but he did so after our conversation and didn't leave me a bill.

I told this guy that I was the Steelers fan, expecting him to be a fan too. I might have given a few "Here We Go Steelers, here we go!" chants in answering the question, and he chuckled. I asked him why, and he told me to look at his car. As the kitchen window was directly in front of me as I exited the garage into the house, I peered out...to discover the man had a big Baltimore Ravens license plate on his car. Immediately, I shrieked. Then I texted Tom.

Text: "The inspector is a Ravens fan. We are doomed."

The guy thought that hilarious. He laughed while I groaned. His laugh was booming, and he told me he loved coming into Steelers fans homes.

Him: "I was driving by looking for the house, and I drove by your house with all of the stuff out there. Then I realized I had gone past the number, and when I turned around I just knew it was going to be the Pittsburgh Steelers house I had just passed and made a face at. I do love coming into Steelers houses with my Ravens car."

He told me I was probably the first client to have so much Steelers decorations outside, and I told him he hadn't seen anything yet, and took him into my Steelers room. He didn't want to come in. He kept slapping his knee and groaning while I told him in all seriousness that I had picked and rooted for the Ravens in their two Super Bowl appearances. I told him about my love for Trent Dilfer, and then my sort of feeling nostalgic about Ray Lewis needing a ring, and when he told me, "Alright, then. That's good, that's good," I slapped him on his arm and asked him if that was enough sucking up to him to pass my inspection.

He and I stood for forty five minutes talking football. We analyzed the rules. We discussed quarterbacks. We chatted about various teams. We whined about missing the old days of football. Guys are always surprised by the fact that I have knowledge about football, but once they do I always have great conversations. He finally got around to inspecting my house, and then we sat on the couch and went over it, and then we talked more football. He gave me the box he had carried inside which contained LED bulbs, and then I walked him outside where we talked some more about football. He had a Ravens license plate on the front and the back of his car, and told me the story about a time he had entered a Steelers house with the wife wearing Steelers pajamas, and the husband on his way outside to walk the dog. He and the wife had just started talking when the husband started shouting. His wife freaked out and ran to see what was the matter, and the husband screamed, "He's a Ravens fan!" The wife then started screaming and telling him to get out, get out.

Him: "I just love coming into Steelers fans houses."

We shook hands, and I bid him good-bye.

Him: "It was nice talking with you. You have a good rest of your day."
Me: "It was nice meeting you, and I hope we kick your ass in November!"
Him: "It was nice meeting you too, and I hope we kick your ass."
Me: "In your dreams. Now get out of my driveway with that Ravens car!"

SAHM pie chart

So I ran across this article that had a graphic showing what SAHMs do during the day. I liked what the author, Meredith Bland said especially this line, "...because not having paid employment has always been seen as less demanding than having a job -- this despite the fact that many paid jobs require sitting all day and using little brain power." Amen sister!

Here was her pie chart:

• 20% shopping (for everyone, but her)
• 20% grocery shopping (for healthy food that she'll never make, but will make her feel like a responsible mother)
• 25% laundry
• 10% volunteering for the children's school (cutting construction paper helps keep the demons at bay)
• 10% making appointments (for the car, pets, kids, and her PAP smear)
• 5% cleaning her kids pee off the wall (of the local Rite-Aid)
• 5% various household tasks, that cover the kind of minutiae that needs to be handled in order for life to keep going and are too numerous to name here
• 5% stare out the window wondering what she's doing with her life

I laughed at it. It was all in good fun with a lot of truth, but I felt the chart need a bit of a tweak, especially for those of us now parenting teenagers.

Here is my pie chart:

• 20% shopping (grocery, clothes, toiletries, school supplies, medications) - I've started turning on my Apple watch to get activity points I spend so much time running errands.
• 20% cleaning/laundry - The first part of my morning (and time) is spent just in the daughter's bedroom alone. Then there is the rest of the rooms, the ceiling fans, the porches, the refrigerator, and for us, a family of swimmers, the towel loads of laundry.
• 20% transportation/running errands - Sometimes I literally fall out of the van when I get back home because my body parts are asleep from the inactivity of sitting in the driver's seat driving from one activity to another to another to another.
• 20% cooking - making dinners, packing lunches, making sure the kids get a decent, healthy breakfast. 
• 15% volunteering for school and activities - I recently just helped score my first swim meet, and it involved math, not my strong suit.
• 10% listening - I'm lucky that my kids want to talk to their mother so I try very hard to stop what I'm doing and take that time 
• 5% cleaning dog hair off of the floor, furniture, food, etc. (My kids never peed on walls, although they did lose bodily functions on the floor, and that did occur outside the house)
• 5% making appointments and waiting around for appointments - In the last month I've waited and been at home for the AC repair guy, the inspector, and the electric auditor.
• 5% staring at myself in the mirror wondering what I'm going to do in a year when my kids are off on their own

And yes, I'm aware that the numbers don't add up (despite my math ability), but being a SAHM (and motherhood in general) is giving and doing way more than 100%. (Drop the mic)

Monday NFL recap - week 4

Steelers: Beautiful! Troy Polamalu score! 43-14.

• Love starting out fast on a night game with a sack, fumble recovery, and a touchdown. Here We Go!  
• I wrote below about the penalties on end zone celebrations below before this game happened. Then AB got called for a mild dance that lasted one second. But when Ben Roethlisberger got stuffed at the line of scrimmage in the second quarter the referees didn't blow the whistle. It was obvious that his forward motion was stopped, but no whistle and so the Chiefs kept coming. Five guys were hanging all over Ben trying to get him to the ground before it finally happened and then came the whistle. This is what I mean. Which one of those calls is more important? Steelers coach Mike Tomlin was livid. That's our franchise, ref. Stop worrying about dancing in the end zone and worry about player safety, would you?
• Is it just me or does Chiefs quarterback Alex Smith look more and more like Packers quarterback Aaron Rogers?
• The Steelers love playing in crap weather so when the game started with the rain pouring down from the sky, I smiled. It pretty much lasted the entire game. I'll admit I was glad I wasn't sitting in Heinz Field though.
• Ben had his fifth game with five touchdowns, tying Tom Brady.
• The Juice was back, and he rushed 144 miles and added 34 yards receiving for a total of 178 yards for the night.  I liked Michelle asking him how he knew his mistakes were behind him, and Bell was quick with the response. He said he was a human being, he made some mistakes, he would learn from it, and keep going forth. I hope he means it.
• Congrats to Kevin Greene on his induction into the Hall of Fame, getting his ring on the field in the pouring down rain.

Other:

• What was happening in warm-ups in New England? Patriots latest quarterback Jacoby Bisset and his accomplice Malcolm Mitchell come jogging down the field on the Bills side as if they are out for a breath of fresh air. Now I understand that this is the Patriots home field, but really? Jogging on to the enemy's side? You're just asking for trouble. Bills defensive back Robert Blanton didn't take kindly to this intrusion, put his hands up to let them know, and instead of turning around Bisset lowers his shoulder as if he's in the game and about to tackle. Bisset, seeing this move, moves forward, and the two collide roughly. Bisset then acts like nothing happened and just keeps moving on, jogging nonchalantly down the field. Could have ended there, but nope. Mitchell decides he doesn't like that move on is QB and before we could blink he and Blanton are pushing and shoving and head butting one another. AND THIS WAS BEFORE THE GAME EVEN STARTED. Both sides ended up coming out on to the field, including some coaches to swat at each other like little kids. Guess who is laughing now, Bisset?
• Bill Belichick showed some emotion in this game, didn't he? Smashing his tablet on the ground after the Bills scored the first touchdown. If it is okay for the coach to misbehave, then why are we surprised by the players?
• Rex Ryan imitating Bill Belichick and getting a few jabs in at the post game conference? Snicker.
• My 1:00 game this week was Carolina at Atlanta, and WHOA how awesome was Julio Jones? He was crazy on the field, running away from everyone, swerving, weaving, pulling in catches, holding the ball tightly, jumping, and scoring. He had 170 yards at halftime and finished with a record 300 yards. It was fun to watch, and I wondered if Pittsburgh's Antonio Brown was watching this performance. I hope he was. 
• But then helping out Jones, his quarterback Matt Ryan threw for 503 yards to set his own record. WHAT? It was a crazy good game. Well, if you're a Falcon fan. Panther fans not so fun, although their back-up quarterback didn't do so poorly after he came in in the fourth when Cam Newton went to the locker room for a head check. Derek Anderson was on a roll bringing the Panthers closer than Newton had them, but then he threw an interception and had another one off of one of those I-tried-to-catch-the-ball-and-got-my-hands-on-it-oops throws. 
• I forgot the Colts and Jaguars were across the pond this week. Ugh. I just don't get that. And what's with the doomsayers predicting a "shake-up" in Indy now that they aren't winning? What does that even mean? Firing the coach? Benching the quarterback? This isn't fantasy football where you can wheel and deal your players. Settle down. Regroup. Talk it out. Keep trudging. This is only week 4 for heaven's sake. 
• The excessive celebration rule is just odd. I get it if it gets out of hand like jumping on the goal post, but making like you're shooting a bow and arrow? A cartwheel? Please. Who hasn't gotten excited about scoring some points? We use to grab a broken kickboard and run around the pool deck (against the rules) when we won in the card game spades. I'm not a fan of the celebrating, by the way, unless your score wins the game, but still some of these NFL rules are silly.
• Weather delay in Tampa, the second in two weeks. Tell me again why everyone whines about getting an outdoor stadium for the Tampa Bay rays?
• The new "oxygen lip protector" mouth pieces stuck in these players' mouths makes me think of pacifiers. Especially when they all suck, suck just like my little Darcy did for so many years on her paci, bobbing the mouth pieces up and down.
• Those boys over at Fox NFL Sunday with their hilarity. Loved kicking off the show with Terry Bradshaw's story about his MIL buying his rookie card for $50. Bradshaw actually called up the guy to complain the cost was too low. 
• Oh, and how great is it that Peyton Manning is still doing commercials? He comes on and makes me smile just looking at his face. Love him.

2016 -2017 NFL picks - week 4

Cincinnati over Miami - Yeah, that was a no brainer.

Indianapolis over Jacksonville - Andrew Luck and TY Hilton are finding their groove now.

Atlanta over Carolina - The Falcons are known to start hot and sizzle by the end of the season, and since it is week 4 I went with the hotness.

Detroit over Chicago - Stafford and company lost last week, but I'm thinking they bounce back this week.

New England over Buffalo - I don't know. I seem to be on the train that believes in Bill Belichick and whatever it is that he is doing in the east to keep this team winning. (Psst...it's probably cheating, but...)

Seattle over Jets - I need to see the Jets play. I've seen Seattle. Will Russell Wilson's injury from last week hinder him? Keep him out of the game? I need to see the Jets play this year.

Cleveland over Washington - Maybe I just feel sorry for the Browns. I mean, who doesn't?

Baltimore over Oakland - The Ravens, darn them, are the fourth quarter comebacks thus far. Go Raiders.

Tennessee over Houston - Will the loss of J.J. Wyatt bring the Texans together as a team like the Patriots in the gipper-style we've seen? Pfft. I didn't think so either.

Denver over Tampa Bay - Tampa needs running back Doug Martin back. Hell, I need him back. He's on three of my fantasy teams. Wishy washy team as always. Hard to know when they will come to play.

Arizona over Los Angeles - Anyone else think the Rams should have stayed in St. Louis?

New Orleans over San Diego - This is always a big shoot out fest, and the Saints are the visitors, so I'm not sure what my thinking was here. A belief in Brees over that other guy?

Dallas over San Francisco - The 49ers drooped when Harbaugh ran off to Michigan. See what he is doing there? Someone in San Fran is kicking themselves.

Pittsburgh over Kansas City - Again? This seems to be the new team we play now every year as if they were in our division. The Steelers usually play well on big night television games.

Giants over Minnesota - You think I would jump on the little team that could, but I'm thinking having Eli Manning on one of my fantasy teams is hindering that.

Because the older we get the more we talk about our health

My mother, a few years back, had a foot wound that I took photos of weekly and posted here on my blog. Ugh. What do I now do with all of the pictures in my camera stream? 

I posted them because not only did it gave me a blog entry, but it kept family members in the loop on my mom's health status, and I wasn't left to make a zillion phone calls each week. 

Today, when I sat down to write, I realized my cyst issue, still currently causing me problems, was on my mind, and I thought, "well, I'll tell everyone about this little irritation", and then I thought about a photo, and then I thought, "my god, I'm turning into my mother." 

I think it a lot, actually.

But the truth of the matter is this blog, originally started as a chronicle of my daughters' lives and a way to return to writing, is slowly becoming a journal of this floundering mother who isn't sure of her next role in life. 

Or, as I age, it's a discussion of my ailments. I'll spare you the pictures. Only because I can't take a decent photo of my own back. Or see the wound. Luckily, I have help.

Darcy: "It's really gross. Yuck." Gag, shiver, gag. "I mean, the hole is really deep and big, and nasty."

Tom: "Wow. That looks good. It's not nearly as big as I thought it would be."

I wrote about my cyst experience here, but I didn't conclude the saga. So...

Two weeks after the second draining of the cyst, the spot filled again. It then drained while I was in the shower one night. As the water beaded down upon my neck and back, I felt like I was being attacked by a jet of hot needles, and after toweling off, I found the lump was gone, and when Madison investigated, she discovered a small hole from where blood and a clear liquid seeped. 

Madison bandaged it, and the next day I went to my follow up appointment with the PA who had done the original slicing and draining. She hemmed and hawed and told me it looked good, nothing was coming out of it, and she put the antibiotic medicine on it and told me to call if I had any trouble. I followed these instructions, and all seemed well.

A few days later, the lump reappeared. Whatever. I was over it. I ignored it as I've done for ten years since the last first lancing. Several days after that, the cyst drained again in the shower only later in the evening, I had a low-grade fever. 

Back I went to the doctor. The whole office remembered me.

Dr. M: "Ah, I remember this thing. We drained it, and then I had to drain it again. It's a pesky thing."

He made some joke about everyone putting on protective goggles, and then he poked and pushed and out came blood and pus. Pus is bad. So, back I went on the antibiotics, and I will need surgery.

The surgery I wanted in the first damn place.

Dr. M. drew me a picture of what he would do. I wanted to tell him not to waste his artistic talents as this isn't my first cyst surgery rodeo, but I let him draw. 

Dr. M.: "One of the downsides to surgery is that more cysts can grow on either end of the sutures."

Me: "I don't expect that. You're a better surgeon than that, aren't you? Bone up and do the damn job right."

Dr. M: "You can keep my drawing." 

Then, since I was there and paying a co-pay, I showed him a spot that had suddenly appeared on my leg. He wanted to know how long it had been there. I said about two weeks. He got his eye scope and bent down and studied it and studied it.

Him: "You have the oddest things."

Me: "That's what my mother always said."

Him: "I have no idea what it is."

Me: "I thought it might be ringworm."

Him: "Ringworm. Hmmm...it could be ringworm. Do you have a cat?"

Me: "No, but I have a dog."

Him: "I think it could be ringworm. Maybe. I like that, though."

Me: "Did you go to medical school? Because I feel like I'm doing all of the diagnosing here. You want to hire me to follow you around the rest of the day? Help you out?"

Him: "I know, right? You still want me to do the surgery?"

Me: "I'm starting to rethink it..."

The antibiotic never got called into my pharmacy. I went twice between errands and a swim meet and NOTHING. 

This morning I called the office, and without an apology, I was told it would be called "right in." Now I've gone another day with a pus infection zipping through my body. 

So, that's my health saga. I'm down, but not out.

Surgery is scheduled for next month. Maybe I'll post pictures.