Body parts are included....

A few things that have occurred in the last three days:

• Sharon lost her keys the second night she was here. The last thing she remembered was taking a walk with the kids. Tom took a flashlight and walked the route they had taken. No luck. Sharon went through her entire car. No luck. I went through Sharon's entire car (cleaning as I went). No luck. We all went through the bedroom. No luck. Sharon went through all three of her suitcases. No luck. Sharon and I were pretty nonchalant about the whole thing. We knew the keys were somewhere and that eventually, they would turn up. Tom was beside himself with annoyance at the missing keys and our attitude. We probably wasted two hours looking for the keys. The next day Sharon found them in the yard by the swing in our big oak tree. See, no problem!

• Sharon and I went to lunch with the boys. We chose a deli across the street from the hospital where my mother was staying so that after lunch we could jot on over to visit her. Just as we finished eating and were sitting talking, her four-month-old son pooped right through his diaper. Poop went on the floor, but most of it came out on Sharon's lap, including her leg and her shorts. She calmly wiped up what she could with her nursing towel and took Henry outside to the car and cleaned him up. Then, right there in the parking lot of the restaurant, Sharon removed her soiled pants and drove home in her underwear. I laughed the whole way and captured the moment on film, but this is a family-friendly website.

• Today I settled down at my spot on the beach. I noticed that in front of me to the right was a huge bunch of women probably from a mother's group. They were all skinny, wore bikinis, had long hair they pulled back in ponytails and all had well-manicured nails. They had neatly prepared their children's lunches and they themselves stood around chatting and sipping vitamin water. Directly in front of me to the left was the opposite group. These five women were grossly overweight, wore T'shirts over their suits, and talked loudly to each other. They were sitting around drinking sodas, and enjoying chips and guacamole dip. I decided that was the group I would join.

Overheard at the beach:

• "I heard he went to Jarrod's."
• "And apparently it is a yeast thing in the vagina that causes problems."
• "Anyone want some pistachios? Hello? Anyone? Pistachios?"

Things I've decided in the last few days:

• Skinny dog owners do not get that way from walking their dogs. I walked Piper today and spent way more time stopping to let her sniff things then I did walking. That is no longer in the pro column for getting a dog.
• I am past the days of taking care of babies. It was nice to have a baby to kiss and hold, but it was even nicer to hand him back to his mother.
• I am definitely past the days of taking care of toddlers. Although they are better exercise than going to the gym or walking a dog.
• I dislike cleaning up poop whether from a baby, a toddler or a dog.
• Men need their cars to feel whole. They have no sense of humor when their car is in the shop.
• Beer tastes really good lately. Especially chilled.
• A house with a dog stinks of dog.
• Hospitals don't seem all that sterile.
• It isn't vacation if you are up before 8:00 AM every day!