All dialogue in parenthesizes is in my head or is for the reader's information)
Conversation #1
I'm in the bathroom trying to do my morning constitutional. Voices are heard:
Darcy: "I'm ready, Dad"
Tom: "I need to brush my teeth."
Darcy: "Okay?"
Tom: "What car are you going to take?"
Silence
Tom: "Cara?"
Me: "Yes? I'm in the bathroom"
Tom: "What car are you going to take?"
Me: "My van. I need to go to the library which is why I'm up early. I need to get there by nine."
Tom: "Well, I need the van because I'm taking the canopy (to a soccer tourney)."
Me: "Okay, then you take the van."
Tom: "Well, what car are you going to take?"
Me: "What do you mean?" (Uh, we have two cars. What car do you think I'm taking if you're taking the van??)
Tom: "I mean what car are you taking today? Kelly's? My mom's?"
Me: "I don't know. That trip is later this morning. Right now I need to get to the library so I guess I'm taking your car if you have my van."
Tom: "Well, I need to move some things then. That's why I needed to know."
Me: "Okay."
Tom: "I need to brush my teeth though."
Conversation #2
I am out of the bathroom and getting dressed. Enter Darcy.
Darcy: "Can I have my library card?"
Me: "What? Why?"
Darcy: "Because Daddy and I are going to the library."
Me: "What? When? I'm going to the library. I just told your father that. That is why I'm up on a Saturday at this ungodly hour."
Darcy: "Well Daddy and I are going to the library too."
Me: "That doesn't make any sense. I just had a conversation with the man about how I was going to the library. Why didn't he tell me he was going?"
Darcy: "I don't know. I told him I needed to go to the library and he said we were early enough and going right past it on the way to soccer so we could stop."
Me: "Oh, my god, this is why I'm insane. I just talked to the man. He stood outside that door while I was trying to poop and never once mentioned the library. Not even when I said I was up because I was going to the library. AAAAAHHHHHH!"
Darcy: "Does this mean you can't give me my library card?"
Conversation #3
I am dressed and have gathered all the library books and given them to Darcy, along with her library card. I am in the kitchen. Enter the annoying husband.
Tom: "I don't need the van after all. Everything fits in my car."
Me: "You don't want me driving your car?"
Tom: "What? No. Just everything fits in my car so you can have the van. I didn't want to have to move stuff out of my car."
Me: "What stuff? No, never mind. Okay, great, I have the van."
Tom: "Are you going to go up to my Mom's and get the pool furniture?"
Me: "I hadn't planned on that."
Tom: "Well, I did. I'll go up there after the soccer game."
Me: "I thought you were going swimming with Darcy."
Tom: "I am. I'm going to swim up there and get the pool furniture."
Me: "Well, how are you going to do that now since you're not taking the van?"
Tom: "That's why I asked you if you were going."
Conversation #4
Tom and Darcy are loading the car. I gather the paper and head out by the pool to read it. The weather is cool, breezy and sunny. A beautiful Florida morning, the kind I miss on the weekends because I'm usually sleeping. Peaceful silence. The back door opens.......
Tom: "I'm taking the van."
Me: (Is this man nuts, or what?) I stare at him because words will not come.
Tom: "I'm taking the van because my car won't start."
Me: (laughing....couldn't help it) "Would you like Kelly and me to take care of that problem while you're gone?" See previous car blogs
Tom: (stares at me)
Conversation #5
I am in the kitchen making coffee to enjoy outside. Tom and Darcy are gone. The library books are on the kitchen table. I ignore them. I'm watching people walking to my neighbor's garage sale when up drives my van. I pick up the books and head outside.
Me: "Forget something?"
Darcy: "Those books. Hee hee."
Me: "This is like a comedy. I just wanted to get to the library by nine. It's 9:20."
Tom: "I know. I keep trying to get out of here, but you keep talking......"
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