Bathing suit shopping is a horrible thing for a woman. It ranks right up there with bra shopping. First of all, the companies that make these two items know that we need them and knowing that they can charge anything they want for suits and bras. And they do charge. Quite a lot.
Secondly, this time of shopping is degrading. Standing in a cubicle the size of an apartment bathroom trying to squeeze excess skin into a thin piece of material either on top or on bottom and top is very trying. Throw in a sales lady who thinks nothing of sliding her hand inside the bra to lift or fill in the cup and you almost wish you were at the dentist or the gynecologist.
Tuesday I went bathing suit shopping for three reasons: I live in Florida, I own a pool, and I have children. Put those together and you have sunny, sweltering summer days spent poolside lifeguarding until the sun goes down. Wearing a bathing suit is a must to prevent heat stroke. Unfortunately, 8 hour days spent wearing a suit 7 days a week takes its toll on the cheap Lycra and nylon, especially in the bum area. If you don't want the moon to come out during the day, you buy a new suit each spring.
In the good old days before children, I purchased or was given a Speedo. I lived in Speedo suits because I was either swimming on a team, coaching a team, or lifeguarding. Speedo suits were easy. I wore the same size each year, and all I had to choose was the design, which was usually what color stripe or stripes did I like. I continued wearing them during my early stages of pregnancy by doubling up on them, stretching them to the limit. But after two births I had to let Speedo go because I no longer wore that same size.
Instead, I had to move into the one-piece suits with bra shelves, ties behind the neck, and huge colorful flowers. As I got older I noticed more women my age wearing suits with attached skirts to hide the fleshy legs and the "not quite attention to hair removal" areas. It is the one thing I refuse to succumb to and instead I would wear a one piece with a swag that tied in the front and protected those areas. Then came the two-piece with a halter top and bottoms. Last year those bottoms were replaced with shorts. That is what I set out to purchase this year.
I took a friend with me. We shopped together last year too, but we were both thinner. She doesn't own a pool so she didn't need a suit, but she came for moral support. The store we went to was having a sale. It was also senior day and the place was packed with tourists hoping for a good buy and regulars hoping for a good buy. The wall was lined with suit tops three rows deep, the third row being the only one we could reach. We eyed them and took what we thought looked good. My friend found the stick with the hook on the end to reach the first and second rows, and she spent a good portion of her time unhooking tops for all the customers while I waited my turn for the dressing room.
I tried the "instantly slims in 20 seconds" suit on first. I wiggled and wormed my body into the thick piece of material and held my breath. Twenty seconds passed, as did 30, then 40 and finally I couldn't hold the breath any longer. Result: false advertising.
The second and third suit I tried on had built-in bra cups that would protect me from any sharp objects. Result: not right for a woman with breasts that once held gallons of milk and were larger than the built-in cups.
The next four or five suits were too short and showed my "I've had 5 kids" belly. By this time I was sweating, was breathing heavily, and was tired of saying, "Yes?" in a pleasant voice when umpteen women knocked on the dressing room door. There was a sea of bathing suit tops on the floor, more hanging from hooks on the walls and a multitude of hangers were covering the piddly bench in the dressing room.
Then I found it. It was actually the first top given to me by my friend. Not only was it a color that went well with my skin tone, but it also was blousey and not skin tight, and it was $25.00 cheaper than anything else I had tried on. I almost sobbed with joy. I bought it, brought it home and tried it out today. It worked so well I think I'll go back and snag four more. Won't that just show those bathing suit companies?
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