Reinvent, take the leap, but don't rush

After Monday's holiday, I set my alarm to get up at 7:30 a.m. so that I would set a summer routine that didn't involve staying up and sleeping late. I figured I would stick to my normal routine and so I went to the gym and planned to run errands. The next day I got up on time, but my morning got derailed by doing a favor for a friend, and after she left I sat quietly on my couch sipping coffee while the girls slept. I took my normal morning SnapChat of my coffee cup and the empty couch across from me and sent it to the long list of peeps that I SnapChat daily. I captioned it with something along the lines of "My mornings now..."

Wow. This is it. In two months both girls will be living elsewhere, Tom will head off to work, and I will be here with the dog alone. When I think about that, it isn't really any different than the past six years except that the girls won't be returning in the late afternoon. They won't be here in the evenings. It is a strange feeling. On Tuesday, coming back from the gym I was figuring out my errand schedule and immediately I pictured the two o'clock time slot when Darcy would be home from school, and I wondered what she had going on after school before it hit me that yeah, no more of that. It was a moment where my heart actually hurt.

This morning drinking my coffee and listening to the quiet I thought about my soon to be empty nest. No more six o'clock rising. No more packing lunches. Instead of seven hours of alone time I would now have more than twelve hours before the husband wandered in from working. Yikes. I knew this was coming, but the reality hadn't really hit me as hard as it is suddenly hitting me. This is why my mother tried to tell me to keep teaching swimming or something. This is why my friend sent me a smile through a card with a nice note telling me she understood what was coming (thanks Michelle!). We SAHM are suddenly thrust into oblivion much like workers on retirement or being replaced by a younger worker. Yikes.

I'm making lists now of things I want to do. To try. I've had this list for awhile now, but I never let myself truly think about doing any of the things on it because I was too busy with my girls and their activities and wants and needs. Now I have no excuses. This past weekend I registered to take music lessons. I didn't actually sign up for classes, but I paid the pre-registration fee and talked to the music instructor. I'm going to make myself do it. I'm going to learn to play the drums. My husband rolled his eyes. My MIL laughed.

They don't get it. My husband has his job. My MIL worked when she had kids at home. It's an experience that only SAHMs who have been through it can understand. Everyone around me tells me it's time for me to go back to work, but what they don't seem to understand is that my being away from the workforce has hinder me as the work that once was so greatly out there has since shrunk. I'm no longer relevant, certainly not in my old field of aquatics or administration. I'm now a relic, at the age when people are planning their retirement and not their return to the work force. I have limited physical capabilities due to an injury suffered while caring for my mother. Suddenly going back to work isn't as easy as people make it out to be.

I searched the Internet for articles on this very subject hoping to find advice, jobs, and a support group. The best information I found:

1. Give myself time - To adjust to the situation. To reinvent myself. To self-reflect. I think this is the best advice of all. Just as I don't expect my daughter to learn how to adjust to college overnight I can't expect to adjust to my new situation quickly either.
2. Revive relationships - Both with my spouse and with friends. The article talked about how marriages fall apart at this stage and that reconnecting in the new life is key. I know this will be true in my own marriage. Right now we are looking at each other and rediscovering the things that we once loved about each other. As for friends, I know that many of my relationships aren't the same as they once were, and I take some responsibility for that. I'm willing to give it a try if relevant. 
3. Volunteer - Yep. Check. This is a good way to jump slowly back into the work force, to gain experience and knowledge.
4. Try something new - Now is the time to try something you've wanted to try. Playing the drums? Give it a try.

I'm going to give it some time. I wouldn't mind a part time job that would bring in some income and give me meaning. I would love it if I knew I was helping others. I'm also going to try new experiences, and since I couldn't find a support group maybe I'll start one. Who knows? I sure don't, but this is my new phase in life so I've got to jump in with both feet if I want to keep on keeping on. As for now, I'm going to soak in every moment with the girls and enjoy this early morning coffee quiet.