What I will have come August

The last several years I have jumped ahead. I began bemoaning the loss of my daughter a year before she finished high school, preparing myself for the day she headed off to college. I began planning ahead for the health issues I invented when I turned fifty, and started counting up the years I had left after the death of my last parent. Lately, I've begun envisioning my life without children. Come August these two red heads are gone from my house and from our daily lives, and the thought of that has me sobbing in a fetal position on the floor envisioning my life eating dinner alone at the kitchen table with only the dog staring up at me in the hopes I'll include him in the feast.

I have learned this summer to take deep breaths. When I find myself wanting to rail against the unmade beds I find each morning wandering through their bedrooms picking up dirty laundry off the floors, I stop and tell myself, "Come August this will not be a chore you will have to do". It helps me to remain calm to think ahead to what exactly I will have after they are out the door and living in dorms.

I will have a clean dining room table. One on which we can actually sit down and eat a meal. Right now the dining room table is the catch-all for both girls. Darcy uses it as her closet, hanging clothes, jackets, and sweatshirts on the backs of the chairs and leaving her shoes under them. Her school supplies, despite the fact that she has a desk, were always covering the surface of the table because the table sits right outside her bedroom and was "not as far to walk" in the mornings. Now her work related items have taken over. Her purse, her name tag, her lunchbox, etc. are spread out from one end of the table to the other. I move everything to the head of the table closest to her room, but before the night is over everything is spread out like a nicely decorated table setting with items before each seat. Can't she at least grab a corner of the table and stay there? (Picture below was taken after I had cleaned most stuff off of it)

I will have a clean hall bathroom. One in which I can sit on the toilet and do my business without seeing wet towels in a clump on the side of the tub and hair clinging to the wall in front of me. I'll actually have toilet paper to use instead of an empty roll staring at me forlornly. The sink will be empty of the many hair care products that now make it impossible to even get to the faucet. The mirror will be free of toothpaste splatters and there won't be make-up smears on the counter top. Yesterday, I spied a little red curl in the sink because Madison insists on dumping her head in the sink in mornings to tame her mass. Instead of wondering how much hair I would find clogging the drain if I lifted the insert, I thought about preserving that lone curl.

I will have a lunchbox. One in which I can actually pack food in and carry with me to my volunteer job or to the gym. The girls have three lunch boxes in which they can pack their work meals. I purchased a small one for myself to help with my dieting, but every morning it is missing as are the other three. Darcy insists that my small box is better for her in the summer months, but the truth of the matter is she uses my box because she hasn't cleaned out her box from the previous day. It, of course, is on the dining room table, or sometimes in her room under the clothes she wore to work.

I will be able to see my kitchen counters. Darcy had orientation this week and collected bags of goodies. They are sitting on my kitchen counter along with her keys, her sunglasses, various papers, and bobby pins. Whatever she doesn't believe should be on the dining room table goes on the counter in my kitchen. Some days it is set up like a desk complete with computer, stacks of folders, and a variety of writing utensils. This despite the fact that SHE HAS A DESK.

I won't find odd objects on furniture. This is a Madison thing. Her favorite pieces of furniture include the entertainment center, the piano, and the back of the couch. How hard is it to put these things away? Everything has a place and it isn't on the furniture! Darcy's favorite place besides the dining room table is the floor....of any room.

My floors won't be sticky. I don't know what these girls are spilling because they insist "nothing", but my kitchen floor always has areas of hidden stickiness that about cause me to break a hip when my sneakers are abruptly stopped on the surface.

Items will be put back from where they came. Today I had a guest and we sat in the Steelers room chatting. Behind his shoulder, I noticed my container of extra office supplies had been pulled out of its cabinet. The cabinet was wide open. The container lid was on the desk, the supplies had been gone through and stacked back so that the lid didn't fit, and the container was just sitting there too. What?

This summer, however, I'm not thinking of having all the above. Nope. Instead I repack the containers and shove them back in their places. I pick up objects off the furniture and the dining room table and put them in the girls' rooms. I smile at sticky floors and belongings. Come August I will miss all of this stuff....well, maybe.

Darcy: "Don't worry. I'll be bringing home laundry and dirtying up my bedroom for you every few weeks or so."

I have a feeling I'll be looking forward to that.