The countdown has begun. In eleven days I get to see my college girl! She has a four day weekend and I decided to fly up to North Carolina then instead of last week during parents' weekend. It was probably selfish on my part; I wanted more than a weekend with her. We are hopping in a car and heading to Myrtle Beach where we will hook up with my brother and family. The hook up was kind of a surprise as my SIL and I were both planning trips and we ended up at the same place on the same weekend. I can't wait.
I planned the whole thing myself still hyped up on my overseas trip with my MIL. Now that the time is nearing my usual feelings of inadequacy and nervousness has returned. I'm not use to traveling by myself. Instead of thinking of all of the positive things that can and will happen on this trip I worry about the negatives. I've always done this. I'm a worry wart. I don't why or where this came from, but lately I've been trying hard to work on it. I can't continue to live like this. Some days I feel it is destroying me.
I enjoy traveling. I love car trips. I don't have a fear of flying. The one thing I hate is being in charge. If I can just follow behind a leader on a trip, I am great. It is one of the reason why I love tour guides. They know the route. They know the ins and outs. They are in charge. Being responsible for myself and for others always throws me. It is a huge reason why I traveled with my mother for years. It is the reason why I invite others to travel with me. Having someone else to take the load off of me is more reassuring.
It's funny because I use to fly to Indiana by myself with my girls when they were babies; first with Madison and then with both after Darcy was born. I had no problems doing that because it was flying from point A to point B with sometimes a point C in between. I wheeled them from one plane through an airport to another plane with minimal worries. I even managed the Atlanta airport on my own with them in a double stroller that had to be collapsed at various times to hop on trams. I took them to Disney by myself when they were still in a stroller, climbing on a bus to and from the hotel. I can remember taking the wrong bus and ending up at the Disney campsite where I had several minutes of anxiety before pulling out the map and finding the correct bus. I try to remember those times in telling myself traveling is a breeze.
My MIL, when I told her about my anxiety this summer, asked me what I was worried about. Missing my flight? She shrugged. "There are always more planes going where you want to go." Having car trouble? She shrugged. "That's what roadside assistance is for." No matter what I threw at her as a worry she counterbalanced it with a solution. She is very positive and in listening to her stories about the craziness she has experienced while traveling I feel there is hope for me.
I shall try to channel my MIL when I fly north in a few days. I will take deep breaths and think positive things. And most of all I will hug and kiss my girl!!
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