KelCar's Car Repair Service

After we returned from Disney this past week and I pulled into Kelly's complex we noticed her car tipping a tad to one side.  The front tire on the driver's side was flat as a pancake, and according to Kelly, this wasn't something she wasn't expecting as this tire had been giving her some trouble for a couple of weeks.  Being the good friend that I was I dropped her off, tossed out her luggage, and went home leaving her to deal with the situation because I was tired, cranky, had the dog in the car shedding pounds of fur, and still had to go to the grocery store to get lunch for my kids for the next day.

Later that night Kelly called asking me for a ride to work as her AAA membership had expired 6 days ago.  After wiping my tears of laughter (you just have to know this crap happens to Kelly all the time) I agreed to pick her up and take her to work on my way to school.  My husband, on the other hand, wanted to know her plans for the tire.  As this wasn't something I had to deal with at the moment and as I was tired and cranky from walking Epcot and driving home and grocery shopping and unpacking and vacuuming out the car I gave him a shrug and went to bed.

The next day I delivered Kelly at her place of employment.  Later that day a co-worker took her home and changed her flat tire with the spare.  Her plan was to get the tire fixed on Friday when she had a half day.  My husband didn't agree with this plan and questioned me mercilessly about why she wasn't taking care of this problem.  I told him to talk to the source, meaning call Kelly that evening, but instead he called her the next morning and told her to drop off the tire before she went to work and he would take care of it for her.  As she wasn't prepared to do this she declined as she wouldn't have enough time to do this and get to work on time.  Thursday passed.

On Friday Kelly called me as she got out of work.  She needed me and my expert car repair service.  Her battery was dead.  This is the second time that Kelly has needed my help in jumping her car.  You can read about that here, but I can tell you that battery cables were not needed in that episode.  So, armed with directions from the Internet, I headed over to her place of employment.

Her car was parked in the second row in the parking lot with cars next to her on both sides.  There was an empty space in the front row catty corner to her vehicle and Kelly motioned me into that spot.  I got out of the car with my Internet directions and stated that I didn't think the jumper cables would stretch that far between the two cars.  Kelly made some remark about my negativity before we had even begun and we both turned to our cars to open the hoods.  I can honestly say that I have not opened the hood of my car in the last year and possible never.  My fingers searched all around for the latch to open it, but Kelly had to take over, open the hood and prop it open.  We then went through the same nonsense with the fingers all around on her car and again she got it opened and propped.  She got out the jumper cables and once again I stated that I didn't think they would reach. 

Me:  "These cables will not reach between the cars."

Kelly:  "Well, that may be, but I think we should at least try."

Me:  "I don't need to try.  My $5,000 eyes can clearly see that the cables aren't long enough."

Kelly:  "Well, I want to try so pick up your end and stretch."

The cables did not stretch and so we stood and surveyed the scene.

Me:  "Do you know who owns these cars next to you or in front of you?"

Kelly:  "No.  No I don't."

Me:  "Hmmmm"

Kelly:  "Get into my car."

Me:  "What for?"

Kelly:  "Because I'll push the car backwards into that empty area of the parking lot."

Me:  "Why do I have to be in the car?"

Kelly:  "Because you have to steer and stop the car, that's why.  And I want to see if I can really do this."

So I got into the car and instead of steering I took pictures of Hercules Kelly as she single-handedly pushed the car and me into the empty area of the parking lot.

 Once her car was in position I moved my car next to her car so that the jumping process could begin.  Only while Kelly was acting as an ass mule the sky above us was darkening.  Not the sky around us mind you, only the sky above us, and about the time we got everything ready that little dark cloud above us opened up and it began to rain.

So Kelly and I decided working on electrical equipment in the rain wasn't a smart idea and so we climbed into my vehicle to review the Internet instructions on how to jump start a car.

The view from the side window- clear skies

The view from the front - clear skies

Now Kelly had gotten some helpful advice via text from a co-worker who told her to put the positive on the positive and the negative on the negative.  Very simple.  Only as we read the instructions it told us not to go all wild and crazy and start attaching cables because the order of the cables was very important.  

1. Attach one end of one cable to the dead battery's positive terminal.
2. Attach the other end of the same cable to the positive terminal of the battery in the starting vehicle.
3. Attach one end of the other cable to the negative terminal of the battery in the starting vehicle.
4. Attach the other end of that cable to the engine block of the car with the dead battery. Look for unpainted metal surfaces and be sure it will clear anything moving when the car starts. Do not attach the negative cable to the dead battery itself.
   

I read these aloud to Kelly and when I was finished she asked what that last sentence meant.

Kelly:  "Wait.  We aren't suppose to attach the negative cable to the battery?"

Me:  "Yes, but not first."

Kelly:  "What?  It doesn't say that.  Read that part again.  See?  We aren't suppose to attach the cable to the negative terminal."

Me:  "Kelly, it means that we aren't suppose to get outside right now and just willy-nilly attach the cable to the negative as order is very important.  Let me read these instructions again."

Which I did.  And then I got to the part about attaching the last cable to the engine block and I stopped.

Me:  "What the hell is an engine block?"

Kelly:  "See we aren't suppose to attach it to the negative."

Me:  "Well, of course not it says that right here.  We attach it to the engine block, whatever the hell that is."

Kelly:  "You said...."

Me:  "Okay, okay, I was wrong.  Good thing you caught that.  So much for your co-worker's helpful advice with his positive to positive and negative to negative.  He's trying to kill us.  It goes on the engine block.  And now that I'm thinking about watching my Dad jump cars he always put the last cable on some piece in the car.  I don't think it really matters where."

Kelly:  "On an unpainted metal surface."

Me:  "I think we should call Tom.  Just for some advice since it is raining and all.  And you know how he likes to be a part of our car repair jobs."

I texted Tom with the following message:  "Can u talk?  I have a question and it will either make you laugh or make you whine depending on your mood."  While we waited for his response, I finished reading the last of the directions which were these:

"Now after all is said and done, there is a matter of etiquette. Personally, I thank the hell out of the person who was kind enough to stop and help me out."  I look at Kelly and give her a nudge.  "I will also offer them $5.00 or $10.00 for helping me."  I nudge her a little harder and respond that lunch sounds good.  "Generally the person giving the jump will refuse the money."  Kelly nudges me.   "Being a Good Samaritan is often thanks enough for them."  Kelly nudges me harder and calls me a Good Samaritan who will buy her own lunch. This is entirely up to you and your conscience." - Vincent Ciulla, About.com


Tom calls me back with a lot of heavy sighing and we explain the problem we are having with the negative and positive and engine block.  We ask for some sage advice.

Tom:  "Where are you?"

Me:  "What?  What does that have to do with anything?"

Tom:  (sighing)  "I'm trying to picture where you are."

Me:  "I'm in the parking lot at Kelly's work.  Being a Good Samaritan." 


Tom:  "Ok, so you are at Kelly's work.  That's good."

Me:  "Tom, seriously do we have this right because Kelly's co-worker told us positive to positive and negative to negative, but the instructions I got off the Internet tell us to go positive to positive and negative to the engine block on an unpainted metal surface."

Tom:  "That's right.  Have you done that?"

Me:  "No, it's raining.  We are sitting in the car."

Tom:  "Why are you sitting in the car?"

Me:  "Because it is raining.  I just told you that."

Tom:  "Just jump the car while I'm on the phone."

Me:  "In the rain?  We didn't think this type of electrical work should be done in the rain."

Tom:  (sighing)  "It will be fine.  Just do it while I'm on the phone."

Me:  (to Kelly)  "He says to jump it while he is on the phone."

Kelly:  "In the rain?"

Me:  "He thinks the rain is a non-entity."

Tom:  "You will get wet."

Me:  "Uh huh.  Listen all we wanted to know was the whole negative thing.  And what is an engine block?  We put the cable somewhere in the car, right?"

Tom:  (sighing)  "Yes.  Put the last cable on a piece of metal.  And it is going to spark."

Me:  "What?  Spark?  There isn't anything in the directions about a spark."

Kelly:  "Spark?  What spark?"

Me:  "He says it will spark when you attach it to the engine block."

Tom:  (sighing)  "It isn't a big deal.  It's just a spark."

Me:  "Yeah, it isn't a big deal to you cause you're not here."

Tom:  (sighing)  I have a meeting in two minutes so just jump the car while I'm on the phone.

And so Kelly and I got out of the car and began our jumping process.  The rain had slowed to a spit and we opened the hoods and got down to business.

I had the instructions, my camera, and the phone with Tom at the other end.  It was extremely difficult to hold all three especially when Kelly made me hold the other end of the jumper cables and so I hung up on Tom (who was on another call).  Kelly attached the cable to the positive terminal in her car.  Then she told me to do the same in my car.  I refused.  I don't do anything electrical that could result in a fire.  I have a thing about fire.  Besides, I told her, how would I take her photo?  I went to her and took the other cable while she hooked the cable to my terminal.  Then she did the negative (all the while with helpful advice from me on where to actually attach it).  She then went back for the last cable.  I ran away so that when the spark happened I would be safely out of the way in case I had to run for a fire extinguisher or call 911.  Kelly took several deep breaths, shook herself, and attached the last cable on a piece of metal sticking up out of her car.  There was no spark.

Kelly:  "It didn't spark.  There wasn't a spark."

Me:  "Well, really, there wasn't anything about a spark in the Internet directions."

Kelly:  "We didn't do it right."

Me:  "What?  Oh, please, we did it right.  I'm going to start my car."

Kelly:  "It didn't spark.  That means we didn't do it right.  Should we do it over?"

Me:  "I'm starting my car and then you start yours, and Tom said not to wait the 5 minutes that the Internet directions said, and then if it doesn't work we will do it again."

And so that is what we did.  And her car started right up.   And we danced in the parking lot and thought about what design we wanted to put on our business cards for our new car jumping business we were thinking about starting.

Kelly:  "How long do we leave the cables attached?"

Me:  "Uh, there isn't anything here about that.  Just that we have to remove them in the reverse order of how we put them on."

Kelly:  "Do you turn your car off when we do that?"

Me:  "Well, you don't turn yours off because it might not start again."

Kelly:  "We could just jump it again."

Me:  "Don't be an idiot.  Let's just take the cables off with the cars running."

So that is what we, well Kelly, did.  When she removed the first cable from the engine block it sparked.  There was some discussion about it sparking and how Tom was wrong and how her co-worker was wrong and how the Internet directions were wrong in not mention sparking, but we cleaned up the job and headed off to a repair shop for a new battery and to have them check the tire.  Kelly ended up forking over more than $400 for the entire job, including two new tires, but now her car drives like a dream.....I hope.