He gets no sympathy in this house

Tuesday night my husband came home from work at a reasonable time (1st unusual sign), took a shower (2nd unusual sign), began eating the dinner plate we had left in the refrigerator for him, and wandered out to the Steelers room to see how we were all doing (3rd unusual sign).  Darcy and I were just finishing watching a video of my nephew.  Tom asked to see it too and so we all watched it again, Tom munching away on his broccoli salad.  When it was finished I asked him for a curtain rod that I had put under my bed for safe keeping, but that he had removed and put into the garage.  I could not find it.

Tom:  "Ah, I had a terrible headache today."

Me:  "What?"

Tom:  "Yeah, something is wrong with my tooth.  It started on Monday when I was driving to work.  If this is what a migraine feels like I feel sorry for people."

Me:  "Wait.  I'm confused.  You have a headache or a toothache?"

Tom:  "Both.  I drank some coffee on the way to work Monday and I literally couldn't see."

Me:  "You went blind?"

Tom:  "From the pain.  The pain was excruciating.  It just came out of the blue when I took a drink of coffee."  He is grimacing in his re-enactment, his face scrunched up, his eyes squinting, his mouth twisted with pain.  "Ah, it was terrible.  I've never had that kind of pain."

Me:  "O-K...but it went into your head?"

Tom:  "What? No.  It goes from the tooth all along the jaw up to my ear."

Me:  "Well, I don't think that's a migraine.  Did you call your dentist?"
Tom:  "No because it went away as sudden as it came.  I never had a problem again until about 5:30 tonight."
Me:  "Okay, well that was stupid.  Call your dentist.  In the meantime let's answer the question I originally asked which was where did you put my curtain rod?"

Tom:  "In the garage."  He sat down at his desk in the study.
Me:  "Yes, I know that, but it isn't where you put it that day you insisted on removing it from under the bed.  I looked all through the garage today for the darn thing."


Tom:  Grimacing.  "Oh, there goes my tooth again.  Jeez."  Takes a breath.  "It's on the second shelf."  More grimacing.  "Ah, GOD."  Grabs his mouth, his eyes closed.

I went out into the garage, muttering under my breath about the second shelf as we have a jammed pack one car garage with tons of different shelves.  I searched some more, my muttering and self control getting louder and wilder.  Not finding the rod and suspiciously suspecting it had been thrown out, I marched back into the study to find an empty desk.  Wondering where he had run to, I walked into the bedroom to find him on his butt on the floor by the bathroom door, his head resting against the bed.

Me:  "What in the world are you doing?  Why are you on the floor?"

Tom:  Grimacing.  "My tooth.  Ah, god, it hurts."

Me:  "Are you serious?  Why are you on the floor?"
Tom:  "I can't...I...Ah, jeez."  Grabs his jaw and lowers his head.
Me:  "Oh, my god, Tom!  Are you serious?  You have got to call your dentist."

Tom:  "I will tomorrow.  Ah!  I can't even talk the pain is so bad.  I've never had pain like this before."

Me:  "You should take some ibuprofen.  Or if you want I could call Kelly.  She has some pain killers from her rotting tooth."

Tom:  "I'll be fine once it stops.  When it stops it's like it never happened.  Ah, jeez, ah, god."  He starts moving around on the floor, his hand on his jaw, his eyes bloodshot, his head down.  "Jeez, the pain!"

Me:  "Well, I'm sorry.  I don't know what to do for you.  And I couldn't find the rod on any second shelf."  I left him on the floor and went back into the garage to get the laundry which I then folded, periodically checking on Tom who was still writhing around on the floor.  "Do you want some Advil?"

Tom:  "#$%*&"


Darcy wandered into the bedroom all clean from her shower.

Darcy:  "Mom, do you know where....?  Why is he on the floor?"

Me:  "He's really hurting.  His tooth is cracked or something and the pain has literally brought him to his knees."

Darcy:  "Uh, yeah.  Is this like one of those flu and broken ankle things? Because I'm not getting involved in that again."  She wandered back out.

I stepped over him and got into the shower lecturing him about how he needed to stop his obsession with never taking medication and suck down three Advil.  By the time I was finished lecturing and showering Tom was standing on his two feet.

Tom:  "It stopped.  It just stops and it's like it never happened, but god, the pain is out of this world."

Me:  "It just stops.  Like that?  You must have a cracked tooth or something.  You have got to call the dentist in the morning.  You'll probably need a root canal and some antibiotics."

Tom:  "I've never had pain like that before.  I bet nobody has had pain like that.  I'm telling you the pain is out of this world, like nothing you have experienced."

Me:  "Uh huh.  I spit two seven pound babies out of my vagina.  Talk to me after you've done that little feat, buddy."

And I turned out the light as I left the room.  The next day he went to the dentist where she knocked around in his mouth until she found the terrible tooth.  I made soup for dinner so he wouldn't have to chew.  He is scheduled for a root canal today.  He isn't expecting any after care from us.