And again it is Tom to the rescue

I got a text from Kelly that said, "Can you take me to work tomorrow or Friday?" I was on the phone at the time the text came through so I texted back that very statement and told her I would call when finished. Which I did. She did not answer the phone at work, and so I pondered her text a few minutes and tried her cell phone. This she answered. She was not at work. Her car would not start and she was at home.

Me: "What is wrong with it?"
Kelly: "I don't know. It wouldn't start this morning."
Me: "Probably the battery. Want me to come over and jump it? We're good at that now."

She didn't want to do that as getting a new battery wouldn't be able to be accomplished until payday which was three days away. Instead I took the job of being her chauffeur. I added her to all the other clients I had that week. I took her to work and picked her up for the next three days. I will admit to forgetting her on Friday since she only works half a day on Fridays, but I jumped up immediately when she texted asking the status of my whereabouts.

We got to her house later than expected and mulled over eating first or jumping the car first. She decided to go with jumping the car first. This decision came with a lot of whining about all the things she needed to do that day and a lot of whining about life in general while I cracked jokes and tried to get her into the swing of Kelcar Car Mechanics 101.

She had jumper cables that she had gotten from her friend at work. We discussed how to jump a car as it had been awhile since our last attempt. I thought vaguely about checking my blog for help, but the cables came with a big instruction card attached to them so Kelly went with that. I got into my van and remembered that I had no idea how to open the hood.

Kelly: "This happened to us when your battery died on the way back from Pompano."
Me: "I know. That guy at the gas station had trouble finding the release too."
Kelly: "Well, he opened it. Where did he do that from?"
Me: "Somewhere down here, but I sure as hell don't see it."

We both crawled around under the steering wheel running our hands all over everything. I finally got out the instruction manual which showed a picture of it to the side of my gas tank release.

I kept running my hands down the side, but the only opening I could find was the entrance to the fuses. I would study the picture in the manual and run my hand along the side of the van. Finally I got out, went around to the passenger side, looked from another angle, and found it. Right where the manual said it would be.

Kelly, meanwhile, had the cables all ready to attach. I opened the hood and held one end of the cables while she attached the other ends to my battery. We had a moment of panic when it came to attaching the negative end to a "block" on the engine, but she found a place and I started up my car. No sparks and no fire. All good so far.

Kelly got into her car and started it. It made a noise as if it were trying, but it didn't start. She tried again. No go. We shut everything off and thought. We decided to try again after waiting a few seconds. Again no go. We shut it all off and Kelly got into the van with me and sulked.

Kelly: "It's probably the alternator. Probably something really expensive."
Me: "No worries. I like working for you. I can just continue to chauffeur you around while you save up money to fix the car."
Kelly: "I'm in no mood for funny answers or hilarity."

She called her insurance company who ordered a tow. I texted Tom, who had offered to take a look at it early that week and who had offered again to do it after work on Friday, that the car jumping had been a failure. He immediately called me.

Tom: "You didn't do it right."
Me: "We did too. We've jumped batteries before."
Tom: "I'll look at it after work. It's the battery I'm sure."
Me: "No. Kelly is on the phone now with her insurance and they are ordering a tow truck. She called her car mechanic and he said it is probably the starter."
Tom: "You didn't do it right. It's the battery."

By now my patience was waning. I hadn't eaten lunch. My next client was texting me that she was done and ready for pick-up. I didn't want to leave Kelly in a lurch. I was getting whiny myself as I thought about all the things I still needed to get done. Tom telling me we weren't doing things correctly wasn't working for me.

Me: "Yes, we did it correctly. This isn't our first rodeo with car jumping."
Tom: "You put the negative end on the right end of the battery?"
Me: "Stop. Yes. We did it right. We did it twice. The car tries to turn over, but it doesn't."
Tom: "It's the battery. Did you let the van run for five minutes before you tried it?"

We hadn't. We had immediately fired up Kelly's car and the second time waited maybe 45 seconds. I didn't want to admit that so I hemmed and hawed some. He suggested trying that. I agreed to do so. I hung up with him. Kelly hung up with her call. She came to my side of the window and suggested we twerk.

Me: "I'm in no mood for hilarity."

We did it all over again and waited with my van running. Kelly tried twerking. I sat in the van and wished I had on my black power shirt. After six minutes, Kelly tried turning on her car. It immediately fired right up. She danced. I sighed. We cleaned up and she went off to buy a new battery while I went off to pick up my next client and some bad McDonald's food.

One day we might get this right without calling Tom for help.