The thing about romance writers is that we wander around daily with romance in our heads. All of the time. If we aren't writing it, we are reading it or dreaming it--there are so many troupes and so many cliches, and all of it rattles around daily. Does it work? Could we put that in our book? We observe others and take down their names, or their descriptions, or their mannerisms. All to maybe be used in our romance novels.
I once had a waiter approach me from behind off the left of my shoulder, and his voice, holy god, his tone, was that of "a baritone crooner on a late-night radio show." (That's from my book btw) His voice was deep and sexy, and immediately my mind went to a man on the cover of a romance novel. That's the voice I wanted for my book! I turned around...
To find a skinny, twenty-something with glasses who was the complete opposite of what I had envisioned. It was a colossal letdown, but he had a great sense of humor, and he flirted just enough with us old gals that I truly believed I could ask him to whisper things into my ear, so I describe his tone accurately. Much to the horror of SueG's kids.
Them: "Oh, god! Please don't. No. Just...NO."
Recently I took a picture of a buff guy on a motorcycle. I was behind him, and the width of his shoulders and his calves were prime for a description I needed. I have a folder of such pictures on my computer--never know when those will come in handy.
Today while at my volunteer job, I was given the assignment of calling our electric company to report that three of our light poles in the parking lot were not working. I discussed the situation with a woman who answered, and I made it clear I was not calling about the lights inside the building, but about the lights in our business parking lot. More a burned-out light bulb than a power outage issue. She said someone would be out shortly, and I promptly forgot about it.
The door is locked on Fridays, and visitors must push the intercom button, and the ring goes to my phone, where I can communicate with the visitor and let them in if I deem them worthy. At some point, while we worked, we heard banging on the door. What, the what?
Our cleaning lady, who happened to be in the office, trotted off to deal with the person, and I promptly forgot about it. People come and go through this building all of the time without coming through the office. Then, as I got up from behind my desk to deal with an issue, I turned around...
Holy Hell!
Standing in the entranceway to my office was a guy straight off the cover of a romance novel.
No doubt about it.
He was wearing a construction hat and a tool belt (if he'd had a cowboy hat on I genuinely might have passed out as westerns are a bigger draw than construction guys in the romance world) and yep, he was the smitten image of one of those sexy, hunky guys that adorn the cover of these books. Only he had on a shirt--which was a shame--or at least that flittered through my head. Thankfully, I did not say this aloud.
I totally froze, and for a brief moment, I thought I had conjured him up and literally made him appear. I was quite confused because I hadn't been thinking about an electrician for a novel, nor was at the point of auditioning sexy men for my cover, but still...how the hell was this guy here?
Behind him was another good looking guy--not up to the same par as Mr. Hottie Romance Bookman--but other guy's face fit every description written about the hero's sidekick--the look that reads, yep, I know what you're thinking, you wanton woman. But, hey, I'm used to it.
And trust me, my face was every description written about the heroine-- mouth gaping, eyes wide struck by how GOOD LOOKING...and people, this guy before me was SMOKIN' HOT.
If I had touched him with my finger, we would have heard a sizzling sound. I know this without a doubt--and also because his sidekick's face said so too.
I refrained from touching him and stuffed my hand behind my back, and immediately his co-worker sidekick smirked his all-knowing look.
Yep, I know what' you're thinking...
I will never make fun of those cliches because when it really happens...whoa, it is absolutely spot on--except for the part where the heroine bites her lower lip. I've never understood that one before, but now, I believe it's to keep her tongue from licking the hero from head to toe.
It was a crazy moment.
I tried hard to pull myself together--to remind myself that I was a middle-aged, overweight, menopausal woman, and this guy was only research material. I stumbled my way through a conversation, where he told me they were not the right guys for this power issue and how I'd need to call back the company and order another repair.
Oh, the romance analogies that hopped about in my mind...cue the fanning.
I thanked them and moaned silently at the agony of sending Mr. Hottie away. He tipped his hat and bid me goodbye, and I enjoyed their backsides as much as I had their fronts.
FYI. The book cliches are SO spot on.
My boss missed the whole episode. The electric guys never entered the office, and she never came out of her dark hole of an office. I sat down, turned on my desk fan, collected myself, and began to handle the situation, calling a different number for the power company.
This number got me a male operative who actually heard me when I said the building had power, but the streetlights in our parking lot did not. He took down the numbers of the three poles, discussed in-depth our issue, and then I told him what I truly needed, much to the amazement of my boss.
Me: "Now, William, let me just say that we've already had two repair guys who were unable to service us. They were power outage guys, not pole guys--more the pity because these guys were SMOKIN' HOT, and I'm not kidding when I say this, William. SMOKIN' HOT, as in SIZZLIN' in capital letters. I'm going to need the next two guys you send out here for the correct issue to at least be as good as, or better, than those first two guys. If that's even possible."
William: "Okay, so I've put in a work order for two HOT repair guys to fix three street lights in the parking lot. It is too bad, I know that I cannot come out there myself, right? I know that is what you're thinking."
He was on speakerphone, and my boss' mouth fell open--in horror or laughter--it was hard to tell the difference. She kept hitting her head on the desk and mumbling.
William said it would take three workdays for these HOT guys to appear, which was disappointing to me since I only work Fridays, but hey, what could I say. I thanked him and completed my job, and my boss kept saying, "I can't even...oh, my god, you are hilarious."
Two minutes later, the cleaning lady stuck her head in.
Her: "Did you send them away? What the hell?"
Me: "Send who away? Oh...oh, I know who you mean."
Her: "Those two gorgeous-sex-on-sticks electric repair guys that I let into the building. Holy, mother of god!! I thought I'd died and gone to heaven!"
So, it isn't just us romance writers obviously.
It was, however, the writing jolt I needed. I experienced romance cliches I can now describe in honest detail, and I'm already plotting my next book, hoping Duke Energy will allow me to tag along on some ride alongs--you know--for research purposes...
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