Monday, after my daily chauffeuring of Connie to and from the hyperbaric and Madison and friend from school, I collapsed on my bed for a quick 30 minute picker-upper nap before having to take said friend home and pick up Darcy from school. About 18 minutes into the nap the phone rang. It was Darcy's school. There had been an incident. Thoughts of possible "incidents" skimmed across my brain at the same time the voice on the other end informed me they had had a lice outbreak.
Voice: "And Darcy is one of those with lice so, uh, can you come get her?"
Lice? I shot up out of the bed and may or may not have uttered a word that is useful in every aspect of the English language as I gathered my purse and car keys. Lice is something that happens to other people's children. Certainly not mine.
By the time I got to the school there was a herd of kids waiting outside, although I did not see mine grazing amongst them. I was told she was gathering her things. Two of the kids waved at Madison's friend who was in my car and informed her they had lice. My eyes squinted at this news.
Me: "All of you standing out here have lice?"
Kid #1: "Yep. Well, they aren't sure if I have it, but they sent me home anyway. And I'm not complaining!"
Darcy arrived, with her friend trailing. She too had lice and was number 17 in kids being sent home for the parasite. Doubt began creeping into my head. Middle school girls are notorious for hair products, and having just purchased three different products the day before at Target, and knowing her friend's infinity for managing her curls with products, my internal bullshit meter was beeping loudly.
I told Darcy not to touch the car seat with her head, gave her my phone, and told her to start googling head lice. Apparently one of the 6th graders at lunch was scratching and scratching her head. She finally asked some friends to look at her head because it was driving her crazy. They saw moving objects and suggested she go to the office. That in turn set off the whole inspection where a newbie obviously was doing the checking.
Because, armed with my Internet knowledge on head lice, I found none. The only thing I found in my daughter's head, and in her friend's head as her mother zoomed up into my driveway for help, was teenage dandruff from not rinsing out all that hair product they insist on using. The objects in question were not egg shaped or sticky. The flakes flew off when touched. Darcy's head did not itch. I did not buy expensive lice medication.
I did, however, call Kelly to come over and join in the entertainment of medicating Darcy's head with a mixture of Listerine and olive oil, two home remedies mentioned on the Internet as good ones in fighting lice, because the school expected us to do something. I sprayed the mouthwash into her scalp and followed it up with a handful of olive oil to moisturize. Darcy left the mixture on for two hours under a shower cap while she studied for her upcoming trimester exams.
After the two hours Kelly and I examined Darcy's very pink and red scalp that was now devoid of any flaky remnants. We braided her hair and sent her to bed.
And hoped that the school wouldn't notice the rather large egg we did find on the top of her head...
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